“Hitch-hikers,” thought Arthur. Then he saw one of them wearing an irritating grin. He couldn’t believe it.
“Ford!” Yelled Arthur. Ford looked up, grabbed Bob’s hand and ran over to Arthur.
“We meet again,” said Arthur, shaking Ford’s free hand.
“Yes,” replied Ford. “Did you get to see Cod’s Final Message?”
“We did and very..
“I think it’s overrated,” interrupted Ford, grinning with the knowledge that he had irritated Arthur.
“We met Marvin.”
“The paranoid android? How is the old misery?”
“I’ve got some of what’s left of him in this carrier bag.”
“Arthur, this is Bolo.” Ford modelled his flow of conversation on Brownian motion principles.
“Hello, Polo. Is that like the mint with..
“No, it’s spelt with a B.” Ford realised Arthur was grinning. It irritated him, which was the precise reason why Arthur was grinning. Ford’s grin slipped slightly.
Arthur shook Bob’s hand and wanted to borrow her smile. He could win friends and influence people with a smile like that.
“What are you up to anyway?” Asked Ford, irritated this time by the length of the handshake.
“Well I was going to visit Zaphod with Fenchurch, she’s in the ship over there, doing some adapting of some sort,” said Arthur, casually pointing in the direction of half a dozen ships.
“Oh, so you’re off to Zaphod’s wedding too?” Asked Bob.
Arthur’s jaw dropped and he looked at Ford in disbelief. Arthur’s brain took no responsibility for his jaw as it showed great indecision.
“Zaphod? Married? To Trillian?” He blurted out.
“Yes to all three.” Ford was glad he had the upper hand again. Fenchurch joined them.
“Hello, Ford. Nice to see you again. Nice to see you sober as well
“Fenchurch, this is Bob. Bob, this is Fenchurch. Could you go and get us some food?” Ford said, in his best ‘could you please go and leave us alone so we can have a private talk’ voice. They obliged.
“Zaphod?” Arthur was speechless bar that one word.
“Didn’t you know? It’s the biggest news since Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6, opened her night club planet
“Didn’t you say they had some kids?”
“Yeah, he’s going to do the decent thing,” grinned Ford. “First time for everything.”
“I’m stunned.” Arthur wasn’t lying.
“Not as much as you will be.” Ford looked over his shoulder to make sure the women were out of hearing range. “When I say ‘wedding’ what’s the first thing you think of?”
“Rice down the back of my neck from a lousy shot.”
“No, no, before the wedding!”
“Getting a present?”
“You’re missing my point!” Yelled Ford. He took a deep breath and continued. “What do the men do the night before a wedding?”
“Go on a Stag night!” Arthur felt enlightened then thought of the other stag night he had been on. True, everyone got fairly drunk but he got separated from the crowd on the way to Soho and ended up in Waterloo Station. Those who did make it to Soho were arrested and missed the wedding and as Arthur was the only one from the stag night to turn up, all the guests took it out on him.
“Right! And Zaphod’s will go down in the guide as the greatest ever!” Ford found himself doing a little dance in celebration. Mr Xoloho came over to them.
“We’ll be ready in about five minutes,” he said to Arthur.
“Could you take two more hitch-hikers?” Asked Arthur. “I’ve known this one for countless years and I know he won’t give you any trouble.”
“Sure, the more the merrier.” He turned and returned to the ship.
“These are nice people, so please behave.” Pleaded Arthur.
“You know me.” Ford played his winning stroke backed up by his best grin. Arthur made a mental note to try harder in future.
CHAPTER 44
Zaphod lounged on the patio by the swimming pool. His estate was right by the tropical sea, but he had a swimming pool all the same. Status symbols only served their purpose if they were never used. He turned a dial, which raised his sun bed a further two inches off the ground and tilted it a few more degrees. One of his heads drained a tropical drink as the other called for another. A cocktail robot flitted over to him and filled the glass. The robot was the only one of it’s kind to be programmed to mix a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster the traditional way. It had cost a fortune, but Zaphod felt it was worth it. Trillian’s sun bed floated along side his. She had a beautiful tan.