Dramatis Personae
SIR JOHN FALSTAFF
FENTON a gentleman.
SHALLOW a country justice.
SLENDER cousin to Shallow.
FORD, PAGE } two gentlemen dwelling at Windsor.
WILLIAM PAGE a boy, son to Page.
SIR HUGH EVANS a Welsh parson.
DOCTOR CAIUS a French physician.
Host of the Garter Inn.
BARDOLPH, PISTOL, NYM } sharpers attending on Falstaff.
ROBIN page to Falstaff.
SIMPLE servant to Slender.
RUGBY servant to Doctor Caius.
MISTRESS FORD
MISTRESS PAGE
ANNE PAGE her daughter.
MISTRESS QUICKLY servant to Doctor Caius.
Servants to Page, Ford, &c.
Scene: Windsor, and the neighbourhood.
Act 1
Scene 1
Windsor. Before PAGE’s house.
Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS
SHALLOW Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
SLENDER In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
‘Coram.’
SHALLOW Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘Custalourum.
SLENDER Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’
SHALLOW Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
hundred years.
SLENDER All his successors gone before him hath done’t; and
all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.
SHALLOW It is an old coat.
SIR HUGH EVANS The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
man, and signifies love.
SHALLOW The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
SLENDER I may quarter, coz.
SHALLOW You may, by marrying.
SIR HUGH EVANS It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
SHALLOW Not a whit.
SIR HUGH EVANS Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
between you.
SHALLOW The council shall bear it; it is a riot.
SIR HUGH EVANS It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
riot; take your vizaments in that.
SHALLOW Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.
SIR HUGH EVANS It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
and there is also another device in my prain, which
peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
Page, which is pretty virginity.
SLENDER Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
small like a woman.
SIR HUGH EVANS It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
death’s-bed–Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
–give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
SLENDER Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
SIR HUGH EVANS Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
SLENDER I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
SIR HUGH EVANS Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
SHALLOW Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
SIR HUGH EVANS Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
peat the door for Master Page.
Knocks
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
PAGE [Within]
Who’s there?
Enter PAGE
SIR HUGH EVANS Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice
Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
matters grow to your likings.
PAGE I am glad to see your worships well.
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?–and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
PAGE Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
PAGE I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
was outrun on Cotsall.
PAGE It could not be judged, sir.
SLENDER You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
SHALLOW That he will not. ‘Tis your fault, ’tis your fault;
’tis a good dog.
PAGE A cur, sir.
SHALLOW Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
Falstaff here?
PAGE Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
office between you.
SIR HUGH EVANS It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
SHALLOW He hath wronged me, Master Page.
PAGE Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
SHALLOW If it be confessed, it is not redress’d: is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
PAGE Here comes Sir John.
Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL
FALSTAFF Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the king?
SHALLOW Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
broke open my lodge.
FALSTAFF But not kissed your keeper’s daughter?
SHALLOW Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
FALSTAFF I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
That is now answered.
SHALLOW The council shall know this.
FALSTAFF ‘Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:
you’ll be laughed at.
SIR HUGH EVANS Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
FALSTAFF Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your
head: what matter have you against me?
SLENDER Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;
and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol.
BARDOLPH You Banbury cheese!
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.
PISTOL How now, Mephostophilus!
SLENDER Ay, it is no matter.
NYM Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that’s my humour.
SLENDER Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
SIR HUGH EVANS Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that
is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
PAGE We three, to hear it and end it between them.
SIR HUGH EVANS Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-
book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
as great discreetly as we can.
FALSTAFF Pistol!
PISTOL He hears with ears.
SIR HUGH EVANS The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, ‘He
hears with ear’? why, it is affectations.
FALSTAFF Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
SLENDER Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
FALSTAFF Is this true, Pistol?
SIR HUGH EVANS No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
PISTOL Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
SLENDER By these gloves, then, ’twas he.
NYM Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say
‘marry trap’ with you, if you run the nuthook’s
humour on me; that is the very note of it.
SLENDER By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
FALSTAFF What say you, Scarlet and John?
BARDOLPH Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
himself out of his five sentences.
SIR HUGH EVANS It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
BARDOLPH And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and
so conclusions passed the careires.
SLENDER Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no
matter: I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again,
but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
if I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have
the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.