heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
DOCTOR CAIUS By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.
PAGE Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What
spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I
would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the
wealth of Windsor Castle.
FORD ‘Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.
SIR HUGH EVANS You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as
honest a ‘omans as I will desires among five
thousand, and five hundred too.
DOCTOR CAIUS By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.
FORD Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in
the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter
make known to you why I have done this. Come,
wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;
pray heartily, pardon me.
PAGE Let’s go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we’ll mock
him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house
to breakfast: after, we’ll a-birding together; I
have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?
FORD Any thing.
SIR HUGH EVANS If there is one, I shall make two in the company.
DOCTOR CAIUS If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.
FORD Pray you, go, Master Page.
SIR HUGH EVANS I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy
knave, mine host.
DOCTOR CAIUS Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!
SIR HUGH EVANS A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!
Exeunt
Scene 4
A room in PAGE’S house.
Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE
FENTON I see I cannot get thy father’s love;
Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.
ANNE PAGE Alas, how then?
FENTON Why, thou must be thyself.
He doth object I am too great of birth–,
And that, my state being gall’d with my expense,
I seek to heal it only by his wealth:
Besides these, other bars he lays before me,
My riots past, my wild societies;
And tells me ’tis a thing impossible
I should love thee but as a property.
ANNE PAGE May be he tells you true.
FENTON No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!
Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth
Was the first motive that I woo’d thee, Anne:
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;
And ’tis the very riches of thyself
That now I aim at.
ANNE PAGE Gentle Master Fenton,
Yet seek my father’s love; still seek it, sir:
If opportunity and humblest suit
Cannot attain it, why, then,–hark you hither!
They converse apart
Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY
SHALLOW Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall
speak for himself.
SLENDER I’ll make a shaft or a bolt on’t: ‘slid, ’tis but
venturing.
SHALLOW Be not dismayed.
SLENDER No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that,
but that I am afeard.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word with you.
ANNE PAGE I come to him.
Aside
This is my father’s choice.
O, what a world of vile ill-favor’d faults
Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!
MISTRESS QUICKLY And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.
SHALLOW She’s coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!
SLENDER I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you
good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress
Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of
a pen, good uncle.
SHALLOW Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.
SLENDER Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in
Gloucestershire.
SHALLOW He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.
SLENDER Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the
degree of a squire.
SHALLOW He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.
ANNE PAGE Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.
SHALLOW Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good
comfort. She calls you, coz: I’ll leave you.
ANNE PAGE Now, Master Slender,–
SLENDER Now, good Mistress Anne,–
ANNE PAGE What is your will?
SLENDER My will! ‘od’s heartlings, that’s a pretty jest
indeed! I ne’er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I
am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.
ANNE PAGE I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?
SLENDER Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing
with you. Your father and my uncle hath made
motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be
his dole! They can tell you how things go better
than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes.
Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE
PAGE Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.
Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?
You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:
I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.
FENTON Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.
MISTRESS PAGE Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.
PAGE She is no match for you.
FENTON Sir, will you hear me?
PAGE No, good Master Fenton.
Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.
Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.
Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
MISTRESS QUICKLY Speak to Mistress Page.
FENTON Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
In such a righteous fashion as I do,
Perforce, against all cheques, rebukes and manners,
I must advance the colours of my love
And not retire: let me have your good will.
ANNE PAGE Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.
MISTRESS PAGE I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.
MISTRESS QUICKLY That’s my master, master doctor.
ANNE PAGE Alas, I had rather be set quick i’ the earth
And bowl’d to death with turnips!
MISTRESS PAGE Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,
I will not be your friend nor enemy:
My daughter will I question how she loves you,
And as I find her, so am I affected.
Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;
Her father will be angry.
FENTON Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.
Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ANNE PAGE
MISTRESS QUICKLY This is my doing, now: ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘will you cast
away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on
Master Fenton:’ this is my doing.
FENTON I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night
Give my sweet Nan this ring: there’s for thy pains.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Now heaven send thee good fortune!
Exit FENTON
A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through
fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I
would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would
Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master
Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all
three; for so I have promised, and I’ll be as good
as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well,
I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from
my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it!
Exit
Scene 5
A room in the Garter Inn.
Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH
FALSTAFF Bardolph, I say,–
BARDOLPH Here, sir.
FALSTAFF Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in’t.
Exit BARDOLPH
Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a
barrow of butcher’s offal, and to be thrown in the
Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick,
I’ll have my brains ta’en out and buttered, and give
them to a dog for a new-year’s gift. The rogues
slighted me into the river with as little remorse as
they would have drowned a blind bitch’s puppies,
fifteen i’ the litter: and you may know by my size
that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the
bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had
been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and
shallow,–a death that I abhor; for the water swells
a man; and what a thing should I have been when I
had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.
Re-enter BARDOLPH with sack
BARDOLPH Here’s Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.
FALSTAFF Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my
belly’s as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for
pills to cool the reins. Call her in.
BARDOLPH Come in, woman!
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY
MISTRESS QUICKLY By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship
good morrow.
FALSTAFF Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of
sack finely.
BARDOLPH With eggs, sir?
FALSTAFF Simple of itself; I’ll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.
Exit BARDOLPH
How now!
MISTRESS QUICKLY Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.
FALSTAFF Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown
into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.