her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet
woman leads an ill life with him: he’s a very
jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with
him, good heart.
FALSTAFF Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will
not fail her.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to
your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty
commendations to you too: and let me tell you in
your ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and
one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor
evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the
other: and she bade me tell your worship that her
husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there
will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon
a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.
FALSTAFF Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my
good parts aside I have no other charms.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Blessing on your heart for’t!
FALSTAFF But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife and
Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?
MISTRESS QUICKLY That were a jest indeed! they have not so little
grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but
Mistress Page would desire you to send her your
little page, of all loves: her husband has a
marvellous infection to the little page; and truly
Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what
she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go
to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as
she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there
be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must
send her your page; no remedy.
FALSTAFF Why, I will.
MISTRESS QUICKLY Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and
go between you both; and in any case have a
nay-word, that you may know one another’s mind, and
the boy never need to understand any thing; for
’tis not good that children should know any
wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion,
as they say, and know the world.
FALSTAFF Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there’s
my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with
this woman.
Exeunt MISTRESS QUICKLY and ROBIN
This news distracts me!
PISTOL This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers:
Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:
Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
Exit
FALSTAFF Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I’ll make
more of thy old body than I have done. Will they
yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I
thank thee. Let them say ’tis grossly done; so it be
fairly done, no matter.
Enter BARDOLPH
BARDOLPH Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below would fain
speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath
sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack.
FALSTAFF Brook is his name?
BARDOLPH Ay, sir.
FALSTAFF Call him in.
Exit BARDOLPH
Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o’erflow such
liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page
have I encompassed you? go to; via!
Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised
FORD Bless you, sir!
FALSTAFF And you, sir! Would you speak with me?
FORD I make bold to press with so little preparation upon
you.
FALSTAFF You’re welcome. What’s your will? Give us leave, drawer.
Exit BARDOLPH
FORD Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.
FALSTAFF Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.
FORD Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you;
for I must let you understand I think myself in
better plight for a lender than you are: the which
hath something embolden’d me to this unseasoned
intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all
ways do lie open.
FALSTAFF Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
FORD Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me:
if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or
half, for easing me of the carriage.
FALSTAFF Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.
FORD I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.
FALSTAFF Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be
your servant.
FORD Sir, I hear you are a scholar,–I will be brief
with you,–and you have been a man long known to me,
though I had never so good means, as desire, to make
myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a
thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine
own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have
one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded,
turn another into the register of your own; that I
may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you
yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.
FALSTAFF Very well, sir; proceed.
FORD There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband’s
name is Ford.
FALSTAFF Well, sir.
FORD I have long loved her, and, I protest to you,
bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting
observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her;
fee’d every slight occasion that could but niggardly
give me sight of her; not only bought many presents
to give her, but have given largely to many to know
what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued
her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the
wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have
merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed,
I am sure, I have received none; unless experience
be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite
rate, and that hath taught me to say this:
‘Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.’
FALSTAFF Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?
FORD Never.
FALSTAFF Have you importuned her to such a purpose?
FORD Never.
FALSTAFF Of what quality was your love, then?
FORD Like a fair house built on another man’s ground; so
that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place
where I erected it.
FALSTAFF To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?
FORD When I have told you that, I have told you all.
Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in
other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that
there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir
John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a
gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable
discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your
place and person, generally allowed for your many
war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.
FALSTAFF O, sir!
FORD Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend
it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only
give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as
to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this
Ford’s wife: use your art of wooing; win her to
consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as
any.
FALSTAFF Would it apply well to the vehemency of your
affection, that I should win what you would enjoy?
Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.
FORD O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on
the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my
soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to
be looked against. Now, could I could come to her
with any detection in my hand, my desires had
instance and argument to commend themselves: I
could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand
other her defences, which now are too too strongly
embattled against me. What say you to’t, Sir John?
FALSTAFF Master Brook, I will first make bold with your
money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a
gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.
FORD O good sir!
FALSTAFF I say you shall.
FORD Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.
FALSTAFF Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want
none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her
own appointment; even as you came in to me, her
assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I
shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at
that time the jealous rascally knave her husband
will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall
know how I speed.
FORD I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford,
sir?
FALSTAFF Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:
yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the