She said thoughtfully, “I wish there were some way for me to sneak into that room where he is. I don’t suppose makeup would help?”
“Oh, don’t have to go there. Mike is on phone. Shall we call him?”
She stood up. “Mannie, you are not only the oddest man I’ve met; you are the most exasperating. What’s his number?”
“Comes from associating too much with a computer.” I went to phone. “Just one thing, Wyoh. You get what you want out of a man just by batting eyes and undulating framework.”
“Well. . . sometimes. But I do have a brain.”
“Use it. Mike is not a man. No gonads. No hormones. No instincts. Use fem tactics and it’s a null signal. Think of him as supergenius child too young to notice vive-la-difference.”
“I’ll remember. Mannie, why do you call him ‘he’?”
“Uh, can’t call him ‘it,’ don’t think of him as ‘she.'”
“Perhaps I had better think of him as ‘she.’ Of her as ‘she’ I mean.”
“Suit yourself.” I punched MYCROFFXXX, standing so body shielded it; was not ready to share number till I saw how thing went. Idea of blowing up Mike had shaken me. “Mike?”
“Hello, Man my only friend.”
“May not be only friend from now on, Mike. Want you to meet somebody. Not-stupid.”
“I knew you were not alone, Man; I can hear breathing. Will you please ask Not-Stupid to move closer to the phone?”
Wyoming looked panicky. She whispered, “Can he see?”
“No, Not-Stupid, I cannot see you; this phone has no video circuit. But binaural microphonic receptors place you with some accuracy. From your voice, your breathing, your heartbeat, and the fact that you are alone in a bundling room with a mature male I extrapolate that you are female human, sixtyfive-plus kilos in mass, and of mature years, on the close order of thirty.”
Wyoming gasped. I cut in. “Mike, her name is Wyoming Knott.”
“I’m very pleased to meet you, Mike. You can call me ‘Wye.'”
“Why not?” Mike answered.
I cut in again. “Mike, was that a joke?”
“Yes, Man. I noted that her first name as shortened differs from the English causation-inquiry word by only an aspiration and that her last name has the same sound as the general negator. A pun. Not funny?”
Wyoh said, “Quite funny, Mike. I–”
I waved to her to shut up. “A good pun, Mike. Example of ‘funny-only-once’ class of joke. Funny through element of surprise. Second time, no surprise; therefore not funny. Check?”
“I had tentatively reached that conclusion about puns in thinking over your remarks two conversations back. I am pleased to find my reasoning confirmed.”
“Good boy, Mike; making progress. Those hundred jokes–I’ve read them and so has Wyoh.”
“Wyoh? Wyoming Knott?”
“Huh? Oh, sure. Wyoh, Wye, Wyoming, Wyoming Knott–all same. Just don’t call her ‘Why not’.”
“I agreed not to use that pun again, Man. Gospazha, shall I call you ‘Wyoh’ rather than ‘Wye’? I conjecture that the monosyllabic form could be confused with the causation inquiry monosyllable through insufficient redundancy and without intention of punning.”
Wyoming blinked–Mike’s English at that time could be smothering–but came back strong. “Certainly, Mike. ‘Wyoh’ is the form of my name that I like best.”
“Then I shall use it. The full form of your first name is still more subject to misinterpretation as it is identical in sound with the name of an administrative region in Northwest Managerial Area of the North American Directorate.”
“I know, I was born there and my parents named me after the State. I don’t remember much about it.”
“Wyoh, I regret that this circuit does not permit display of pictures. Wyoming is a rectangular area lying between Terran coordinates forty-one and forty-five degrees north, one hundred four degrees three minutes west and one hundred eleven degrees three minutes west, thus containing two hundred fifty three thousand, five hundred ninety-seven point two six square kilometers. It is a region of high plains and of mountains, having limited fertility but esteemed for natural beauty. Its population was sparse until augmented through the relocation subplan of the Great New York Urban Renewal Program, A.D. twenty-twenty-five through twenty-thirty.”
“That was before I was born,” said Wyoh, “but I know about it; my grandparents were relocated–and you could say that’s how I wound up in Luna.”