Eventually, Ralph composed himself enough to sit back up. Wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, he said: “And just how do you propose to get that out of me? Going to practice great austerities, are we? Oh, how wonderful! How was I so blessed, to be allowed to watch while the great Abbess Hildegard starves and beats herself?”
He convulsed to the floor again. “Be still my trembling heart!”
“Impudent rascal!” snapped Hildegard. Then she turned to Greyboar. “Are you ready?” she asked. Greyboar shrugged.
Hildegard plucked the bell off the side table. “I will remain seated here at my desk. You will stand behind me to apply the choke. Whenever I ring the bell, you will tighten the choke. Is that clear?”
Greyboar scratched his head. “Well, sure, except for one thing. How will I know when you want me to let go? You won’t be able to say anything. Believe me, you won’t.”
Hildegard looked at him, once again, as if he were a moron. “But, my dear man, it’s obvious! You will release the choke when Ralph coughs up the Harmony of the Spheres.” She frowned briefly, then added: “Actually, to be on the safe side, you’d best wait until he repeats it. Even the world’s greatest composers will have difficulty recording this harmony, and it’s essential that we get every note down properly.”
Greyboar was still frowning.
“Oh, stop worrying, young man!” snapped Hildegard. “You’ll have no difficulty recognizing the score of the Harmony of the Spheres! You’ve never heard it before, of course. No mortal has. But it’s quite unmistakable, really it is. And besides, we’ve all agreed that the Big Banjo will announce when the score is completely recorded.”
Greyboar threw up his hands in frustration. “You are the most impossible woman!” he bellowed. “I’m not worried about that! How will I know when you want me to let up because you’re about to die? That’s the problem!”
Hildegard’s look now conveyed the certainty that Greyboar was dumber than a moron.
“My dear man, the question simply won’t arise. I intend to have the score, and that’s that. Now, please! I’m a tolerant woman, but you are, after all, my employee. Do as you’re told!” The Schoolmistress From Hell, like I said.
Greyboar exhaled a deep breath. Then, stepped up and stood just behind Hildegard. Meanwhile, Ralph had been following the exchange with a look of growing confusion on his bat’s face.
“What’s going on here?” he demanded. “And who’s this big gorilla?”
“Name’s Greyboar,” rumbled the strangler.
The fallen angel looked suddenly interested. “Is that so? Well, I’ll be damned. Never knew what you looked like—although I should have guessed. Know who you are, of course, even though you don’t send much business our way.”
He paused, pondered, then: “Actually, I don’t think you’ve ever sent any business our way. But the devils are tickled pink with you. Talk about you all the time. `Best supplier in the business,’ they say.”
“Glad to hear it,” said Greyboar pleasantly. He placed his hands around Hildegard’s throat. As huge as they are, his hands barely went all the way around. She was such a feminine woman, Hildegard, that it was easy to forget what a giantess she was. Most people’s necks, even on great muscular bruisers, look like pipe-stems in Greyboar’s hands.
Ralph was now totally confused. “Hey, what gives? What’s the—”
The ringing of the bell cut him off. Greyboar started squeezing. Well, not really. I know what a real Greyboar squeeze looks like, and this was just a faint imitation.
Hildegard began ringing the bell impatiently, like she was a ranch woman summoning shepherds to the dinner table. And kept ringing. And kept ringing.
Greyboar’s shoulders slumped. He really wasn’t enthusiastic about the job, I could tell. Then he shrugged, took a deep breath, and really went to work.
Hildegard’s face turned bright red. Her tongue popped out of her mouth. Yet—I swear it!—her face mostly conveyed deep satisfaction. She even stopped ringing the damned bell.
Ralph winced. “Boy, that’s a horrible sight,” he muttered.
But he was a tough fallen angel, I’ll give him that. He took a deep breath and stared right at Hildegard’s face, without even blinking. And there it remained for the next five minutes, Hildegard and Ralph staring each other down. The woman must have had lungs like a whale, I thought to myself.