Breuer: But isn’t the alternative a fatal permissiveness of poor performance and malfeasance?
Aran: If carried to extremes. But what levels of performance can we appropriately require? From the viewpoints of tidiness, of efficiency, of communication, of loving each other—from those viewpoints—we’re an imperfect species in an imperfect world. Let me repeat: an imperfect species in an imperfect world. Our most precise and perfect science—tool, field of learning—is mathematics. But when applied to the real world, even math has a wealth of imperfections. How much more true that is of such imprecise activities as parenting, teaching, business, government—and evaluating people!
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to improve things. What it does mean is not being hypercritical. It means being compassionate, instead of attacking or ridiculing people for perceived flaws, which may, after all, exist largely or entirely in the eye of the beholder. And when pointing out demonstrable shortcomings, it means being mild, factual, and constructive, not scathing or scornful.
Compassion, incidentally, is not the same thing as pity, though they sometimes resemble each other superficially.
Breuer: Okay, I see what you’re getting at. But surely you don’t imagine people will stop scathing and ridiculing others.
Aran: Not entirely, and not all at once. But I do imagine scathing and ridiculing becoming much less, as people become aware of them as harmful. And especially as they grow in love—in love of themselves and one another.
From the first appearance of
Ngunda Elija Aran on
Conversations with Warren Breuer
The word had been passed two days earlier: A team from CNN would arrive at the Cote to tape a special on Millennium. A chartered shuttle-copter from Pueblo landed shortly before 9 a.m., and a CNN production van pulled in minutes later.
The crew scattered almost on arrival, different people looking at different aspects of Millennium’s headquarters’ operations. At noon, cameras even recorded families eating in the staff dining room.
At lunch, Lee’s daughters, especially Raquel, were full of a camera team’s late morning visit at school. It had recorded classes in operation, and interviewed several children. One team had recorded an exchange of questions and answers between Raquel and a teacher, Mrs. Lundgren. Then it had visited with Raquel alone, which Becca said demonstrated the attraction sages had for public exposure.
A Ms. Thomas visited Lee’s office at 2:10, accompanied by two cameramen. Meryl Thomas was darker than many African-Americans. Perhaps forty years old, she was tall, slender, stylish, and sure of herself. She suggested that Lee call her Meryl, and asked intelligent questions without being confrontational.
To Lee it was obvious that Thomas had been well briefed in advance. By Anne Whistler, she supposed. She herself had been given several areas to avoid discussing, but beyond that was constrained only by professional ethics.
The experience wasn’t bad at all, but when Thomas and her camera team left at 2:50, Lee was glad to see them go.
At 4:20, Lor Lu stopped by. “How was it?” he asked.
“Better than I’d expected.”
“Ah. And what did you think of Meryl Thomas?”
“Intelligent. Able. Courteous! I liked her as well as I would anyone under the circumstances.”
“Good. She’s asked to interview some staff families in their homes, and I agreed to let her pick two, one each evening. Subject to their agreement, of course. She wants to do yours: you, Ben, and the girls.”
Lee’s face registered her dislike of the idea.
“You don’t have to do it,” he went on. His easy gaze never let her go. “It’s your choice. I’ve asked Ben, and he said fine if you’re willing. I presume the girls are willing.” He laughed. “Raquel could occupy a team by herself.”
When he left, Lee couldn’t quite remember how it had happened, but she’d said yes. They were to expect a camera team at 7:30. She looked forward to it uneasily, and called Ben to let him know. They decided to eat supper in the staff dining room.
Lee didn’t eat much. She felt somehow threatened, though how and by what she didn’t know.
* * *
The team arrived at 7:30, and by 7:35 all four Shoreffs were seated in the living room with Meryl Thomas. She addressed them one at a time, beginning with Becca.