“Looks like you did it, Jim. End of mission. Congratulations.”
“And the same to you-and Floyd. And since it is The Stainless Steel Rats together, perhaps for the last time, would you mind making a few things clear. I have long felt that there was more than random chance in your selection. Dare I ask just who are you three people? I suspect that you were chosen for more than musical ability-right Steengo?”
He nodded his bandaged head. “Almost right. Madonette is just what she appears to be . . .”
“Just an office drudge-singing for a hobby.”
“The office’s loss is music’s gain.” I smiled and blew a kiss her way. “One down, two to go. Steengo, I have a feeling that you really aren’t retired. Right?”
“Right. And I do take some pride in my musical abilities. Which, if you must know, was why I was suckered into this operation by my old drinking buddy, Admiral Benbow.”
“Drinking buddy! He who drinks with an admiral . . .”
“Must be an admiral too. Perfectly correct, I am Arseculint . . .”
“I didn’t quite catch that.”
“Arseculint is an acronym for Area Sector Commander Cultural Intercourse. And you can uncurl your lip. Perhaps, in context, `intercourse’ is not quite the right word. Cultural Relationships might express it better. My degrees are in archeology and cultural anthropology, which is what attracted me to the civil service in the first place. Sort of hands-on application of theory. I followed the matter of the alien artifact with a great deal of interest. So I was ripe for the plucking, you might say, when Stinky Benbow asked me to volunteer.”
“Stinky?”
“Yes, funny nickname, goes back to the academy, something to do with a chemistry experiment. Which is completely beside the point. I thought enough of this assignment to take a leave from my desk. Great fun. Up until the last, that is.”
“Which leaves young Floyd here? Also an admiral?”
He looked sheepish. “Come on, Jim, you know better than that. I even washed out of college, never graduated at all . . .”
I pointed an accusatory finger. “Putting academic credits aside you must have some value to the Special Corps.”
“Yes, well, I do. I really am sort of an instructor . . .”
“Speak up, Floyd,” Steengo said proudly. “Being chief instructor in charge of the unarmed defense school is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I agree completely!” I said. “If you weren’t a whiz kid in unarmed combat, why none of us would be here. Thanks guys. Mission complete and successful. Let’s drink to that.”
As we raised and clashed our glasses together, drank deep, I thought of my mother. I do this very rarely; it must be all the male-female myth dredging that brought her to mind. Or what she used to say. Very superstitious my Ma. Had a superstition for any occasion. The one that I remember best was when you said how great things were, or what a nice day it was. Bite your tongue she used to say.
Meaning don’t tempt the gods. Keep your head down. Because saying that something was good would surely bring about the opposite.
Bite your tongue, good old Ma. What a lot of malarky.
When I lowered my glass I saw a woman stumble in through the open door. A young woman with torn clothing, dusty and staggering.
“Sound the alarm . . .” she gasped. “Disaster destruction!”
Madonette caught her as she fell, listened to her whispered words, looked up with a horrified expression.
“She’s hurt, babbling . . . something about the science building, destroyed, gone. Everything.”
That was when I felt the cold tongs grab tight to my chest, squeezing so hard they made speech almost impossible.
“The artifact-” was all I managed to say.
Madonette nodded slow agreement. “That’s where it was, they told me. In the science building. So it must be gone too.”
CHAPTER 21
The mutual decision of The Stainless Steel Rats was a simple one: we had had about enough for one day. We were alive, if not too well. We had found the artifact so our mission was accomplished. The fact that it had also been destroyed was beside the fact. I hoped. They would have to supply me with the poison antidote now. I kept that thought firmly before me as I went to sleep. This was a time for rest. Wounds had to heal, tissue had to mend, fatigue had to be alleviated: medication and a good night’s sleep took care of all of that.