‘Ambassador Maltby was recalled to London for consultations shortly before Operation Safe Passage was launched. The timing of his recall was coincidental.’
Q: How shortly?
A: (the same unfortunate spokesperson) Shortly.
Q: Before he disappeared or afterwards?
A: That is a ridiculous question.
Q: What was Maltby’s relationship with Abraxas?
A: We know of no such relationship.
Q: Panama was a pretty humble posting, wasn’t it, for a man of Maltby’s intellectual calibre?
A: We have great respect for the Republic of Panama. Mr Maltby was considered the right man for the job.
Q: Where is he now?
A: Ambassador Maltby is on indefinite leave of absence while he attends to matters of a personal nature.
Q: Can you define the nature?
A: I just did. Personal.
Q: What sort of personal?
A: We understand that Mr Maltby has come into an inheritance and may be contemplating a new career. He’s a distinguished scholar.
Q: Is that another way of saying he’s been sacked?
A: Certainly not.
Q: Paid off?
A: Thank you for coming to this press conference.
Discovered at her home in Wimbledon, where she was a renowned bowls player, Mrs Maltby wisely declined to comment on her husband’s whereabouts:
‘No, no. Off you go, all of you. You’ll get nothing out of me. I know you press-johnnies of old. You’re leeches and you make it up. We had you in Bermuda when the Queen came. No, haven’t heard a word from him. Don’t expect to. His life’s his own, nothing to do with me. Oh I expect he’ll ring in one day, if he can remember the number and get his coins together. That’s all I’m going to say. Spy? Don’t be utterly ridiculous. Do you think I wouldn’t know? Abraxas? Never heard of him. Sounds like a health club. Yes, I have. He was the brute who was sick all over me at the Queen’s birthday bash. Dreadful person. What do you mean, you silly man, romantically linked? Haven’t you seen their photographs? She’s twenty-four, he’s forty-seven and that’s an understatement.’
I’LL SCRATCH LAW LORD’S DAUGHTER’S EYES OUT SAYS JILTED ENVOY’S WIFE. One intrepid reporter claimed to have traced the couple to Bali. Another, famed for his secret sources, had them living in the lap of luxury in a hilltop mansion in Montana
which the CIA puts at the disposal of ‘assets’ who have earned its special thanks.
‘Miss Francesca Deane resigned voluntarily from the Foreign Service while en poste in Panama. She was a capable officer and we regret her decision, which was taken on entirely personal grounds.’
Q: Same grounds as Maltby’s?
A: (the same spokesperson, bloodied but unbowed) Pass.
Q: Does that mean no comment?
A: It means pass. It means no comment. What’s the difference? Can we please give up this topic and return to something serious? (A Latin American journalist through her interpreter):
Q: Was Francesca Deane the lover of Mickie Abraxas?
A: What are you talking about?
Q: Many people in Panama are saying she was responsible for the break-up of the Abraxas marriage.
A: I cannot conceivably comment on what many people in Panama are supposed to be saying.
Q: Many people in Panama are also saying that Stormont, Maltby, Deane and Osnard were a cadre of highly-trained British terrorists tasked by the CIA to infiltrate the democratic Panamanian government and bring it down from inside!
A: Is this woman accredited? Has anyone ever set eyes on her before? Excuse me! Would you kindly show your press card to the janitor?
The case of Nigel Stormont caused little stir. FO LOTHARIO GOES WALKABOUT and a rehash of his much publicised love affair with a former colleague’s wife while serving at the British Embassy in Madrid failed to survive the early editions. Paddy Stormont’s admission to a Swiss cancer clinic and Stormont’s deft handling of the press put a blight on further speculation. As the days went by, Stormont was arbitrarily dismissed as a minor player in what was now seen as a vast and impenetrable British coup that in the words of Hatry’s highest paid leader-writer had ‘saved the United States’ bacon and proved that Britain under a Tory leadership is capable of being a willing and welcome partner in the grand old Atlantic Alliance, whether or not her so-called European partners choose to waver on the touchlines’.