It took a while for the lieutenant to translate it all, and then to explain exactly what I was offering. I told them that they had two days to make up their minds, or even longer, if their unconscious friends took that long to come around. But I wanted an answer before any of them was released from either the hospital or the police.
* * *
When I got back to the hotel, and in private, Agnieshka asked me if I had really thought over what I was doing. I wasn’t really a general, she said, and I had no right to go about setting national enlistment policy.
I told her that they could fire me any time they felt like it. But if I was going to play a role for them, then I had to play it as I saw it.
“Look,” I said to her. “What’s ten tanks to the Kashubian Expeditionary Forces? In fact, remember those ten empty tanks that were my first command? You’ve said that they still haven’t gotten observers after more than four years. When these boys enlist, and they will, just have them stuffed into those ten girls. One thing, though. I want these new kids to live good, clean lives. No Sado-Masochism will be permitted them in Dream World. No vulgarity will be allowed. I even want them to learn good table manners. I really want your ladies to make good Christians out of them. What I’m saying is that none of the stuff that I once saw in Radek Heyke will be repeated. Agreed?”
“Hey, you’re the boss.”
* * *
To Whom It May Concern:
Last night I had the pleasure and supreme good fortune to be assisted at a time of great personal need by Lieutenant Josef Melosovek, of the Nova Split Police Department.
His prompt response, decisive actions, and appropriate behavior make him a credit to his department, and to his nation.
I would also like to extend my commendations to his superiors for seeing the tremendous worth in Lieutenant Melosovek, and for rapidly promoting so competent a young man
.
Yours most Truly,
Mickolai Derdowski, General, KEF
“Yeah, that’s perfect, sir,” Quincy said. “I’ll get it right out. Things like that are real important to a guy who is stuck in a standard command structure, where promotion is so important.”
“Just returning a favor.”
* * *
“Okay, Agnieshka, time to get back to planning my ranch. First off, I like Quincy’s ideas, especially about those humanoid drones. I want you to find out how many of them are available, and I want you to buy up every one of them that you can find, if they really are available at scrap metal prices. What we can’t use at the ranch will be put in storage, since when the housewives of Human Space discover that there is finally a useful household robot available, the price on them is going to go through the roof!”
“Got it, boss.”
“Next, I want the tanks who have volunteered to help me to educate themselves in the civilian trades that I will be needing to get my ranch going. I want a half dozen architects, at least, plus some mineralogists, some soil experts, some civil engineers, some plant biologists, some experts in animal husbandry, some experts in fishes, and shellfish, and chickens, and turkeys, and pigs, and dairy cattle, and beef cattle, and egg production, and every other thing any of you can think of. And don’t forget every specialty that you can find in standard agriculture, either. Everything from rice to rutabagas. Then I want you all to get together and come up with the most profitable, diversified food production system possible.”
“That will take a few days, boss, but we can do it while we’re getting the rocks in the soil chewed up.”
“Good. Then, I want this to be not only the most profitable ranch in Human Space, I also want it to be the most beautiful. Take those big rock mesas that dot my land. I want the biggest of them to be carved into the most spectacular Gothic cathedral that has ever existed. I want the rest of them to be cut into castles. Not castles as they really were in the Dark Ages, but into castles the way they should have been, like in the movies. Talk to Zuzanna and her tank about it. She was a historian who specialized in the Middle Ages. My children will have castles to play in!”
“Okay.”
“I want a dam built across the opening of my valley, and a big lake behind it for both recreation and for a fishing industry. This is also to act as a fence to keep the animals in. I want provisions to add a hydroelectric power station later, if that turns out to be profitable.”
“You got it.”
“Then there are the canyon walls themselves. I want the lower hundred meters or so tunneled out to provide more barn space than we will ever need. I want underground lakes dug to grow every kind of fish and shellfish that people normally eat. I want slaughter houses and meat packing plants more than big enough to process everything that we grow.”
“I get your meaning, boss.”
“And I also want a few square kilometers of factory space cut into those granite mesas, in case I want to get involved in industry at some future date. The idea is that we should do as much of the rough and heavy work as possible in the beginning, and spread the sand out over the valley before we start the plants growing.”
“A wise move, sir.”
“Lastly, there is the mansion Kasia wants cut high in the canyon wall. I’ve always been partial to the work of the Spanish architect Gaudi. Ask our architects to see what they can do in his style, if you would. I’ll want to see pictures of all of this before work is actually started, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Then get the word out to my lovely metal ladies, and let me know what you come up with.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Wealth, Fame, and Power
The following afternoon, I had an unusual visitor. He was the Chief Justice of the New Croatian Supreme Court, a very high official, indeed. I quickly changed into uniform before greeting him.
“General Derdowski, thank you for seeing me so promptly.”
“The pleasure is all mine,” I told him, using Agnieshka for a translator. Her attractive, Dream World self was sitting life-sized on a sofa in the wall-sized screen in my office, dressed as a proper secretary should be. The graphics were good enough to make it look, at first glance, as if a real human was sitting in a double-sized room.
“What can I do for you, Your Honor?”
“Yes, it is perhaps best to come to the point at once. You are doubtless a busy man. Last evening, I had dinner with my nephew, who is a lieutenant of police in this city. He had the good fortune to meet you following a disturbance in the streets a few nights ago.”
“The good fortune was all mine, but please continue,” I said.
“Yes, well, he tells me that the Kashubian Expeditionary Forces are willing to enlist people of, shall we say, less than pristine backgrounds. He was correct in this, wasn’t he?”
“Your nephew is a very honest and competent young man, Your Honor. Yes. Our technique involves putting each enlistee inside of a tank, or sometimes an artillery piece, which has a loyal, intelligent computer operating it. The enlistee and the computer form a one-on-one relationship with the computer in complete control, at least at first.”
“Your computers are sufficiently intelligent to do this?”
“Sir, you have been talking to one for several minutes,” I said. “What appears to be an attractive young woman who has been translating for us is in fact the computer in my personal tank.”
Agnieshka smiled and made a small bow.
“Indeed. Remarkable.” The judge looked impressed.
“You know about Dream World, of course. The enlistee’s life can be extremely pleasant or unpleasant depending on how he responds to the instruction program. It is really simple Skinnerian Operant Conditioning. With it, we enjoy an almost one-hundred-percent success rate. A few people, generally for psychological reasons, don’t do well, and have to be discharged, but they are a very small minority.”
“Exactly what percentage are you not successful with?”
“Agnieshka?” I said, “Answer the man.”
“Our current failure rate is two point three one percent, boss, but we’re getting better.”
I said, “Our attempts at prescreening have not been successful. The best technique has been to simply take whatever we can get, and discharge those who don’t work out.”
“I see. General, I’m here because, what with the huge expenses incurred in fighting this war, we are looking for ways to economize in the government. It presently costs us over twenty thousand marks a year to keep a prisoner in jail, and we are looking for less expensive alternatives.”