“I guess Murphy’s Law is functioning normally. I’m just glad that you didn’t abandon him,” I said.
“Me too!” Conan shouted.
“We considered blasting him a hole to hide in, and coming back for him later, but he couldn’t have crawled into it by himself, and when you consider the time that we would have had to wait around for the hole to cool down, well, this was our best option. Especially since we didn’t have enough ammunition left to dig a hole big enough for all three of us.”
“You did well, Zuzanna. Come on over. There is absolutely nothing that we can do to bother the enemy, and they can’t do a blessed thing to us, so we might as well have some fun. We’ll throw a searchlight party over at my place.”
“Nope. This one’s on me, Mickolai. My faithful servants await your pleasure at the Dark Tower. Just be careful getting past the Moat Monsters.”
So, we spent the next six standard hours, a week in Dream World, in my valley at what amounted to a costume party held in the castle that I had sold to Quincy and Zuzanna.
It had been modified, of course, to include knights in armor, evil wizards, and a few dragons.
The twelve of us, garbed in gorgeous medieval finery, feasted and reveled like the lords and ladies of ancient times should have, but probably didn’t. Everything was clean, beautiful, and good tasting, for one thing, and my fly had a zipper on it.
We held a tournament with our nasty rivals from the golden castle, fighting a daylong round-robin, jousting with them as individuals, and then the full dozen of us fought a grand melee with twelve of their best fighters, and trounced them properly!
Another day was spent hunting a family of dragons who had been devouring our peasant girls out of season, and bagging more than the legal limit.
I even killed a dragon myself, the huge warlord of his clan, with my trusty lance. I was protected from his dragon fire by my magic shield, while riding my invincible war horse Anna.
I asked the Lady Agnieshka to figure out a way to mount the dragon’s head on the wall in my den, back home.
She said that she’d be happy to.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
A Stellar Victory
Sated after yet another medieval feast, eating the roasted apple I’d taken from the teeth of a nicely browned boar’s head, I heard Agnieshka announce that the Search Light glare had faded from the entrance.
After it was done and gone, we sent another mouse out to look around, and the huge fireplace in our hall became a view screen.
We crowded around it.
The rail guns had all stopped firing, and most of the paint was stripped from their platforms. One platform had a definite sag in it.
It had gotten pretty warm out there.
The radiation count was down to the almost safe level, so we sent the rest of the mice back to the place where we’d stripped the conduit off the data buss.
We sent them straight in, without any mousing around, since even if we had lost control of the Earthers’ computer, we were sure that they didn’t have any working sensors out in the open, and an unprotected man wouldn’t have lasted for very long.
The fiber-optic buss was still working, and all six of our tanks started processing data. The first thing that we learned was that the rail guns and other weapons around the shaft were completely inoperative.
“Somebody shouldn’t have left them out in the rain,” Lady Zuzanna said.
In a few minutes, Timothy, Zuzanna’s tank, a handsome, teen-aged boy, stood very tall and made the grand announcement. He was the only male persona among our squad’s tanks, and said that he didn’t mind being included among “The Ladies.” In fact, he said that he was rather proud of it, being in good company.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to announce that our mission to date has been successful! The enemy’s supply line to Earth was cut five minutes after the Search Light began. For six hours, our nefarious foes have been trying to get it operational again, but without success!”
The squad let out a cheer! Conan yelled “Hooah!” Zuzanna shouted “Poobah!” Quincy came out with something that sounded like an American rebel yell, and the rest of us just shouted.
Champagne bottles and glasses magically appeared, the way things do in Dream World. Corks were popped, golden bubbly was poured in glasses, or spilled on the floor, and we drank a toast to victory!
“To the finest squad in the Kashubian Expeditionary Forces!” I said, and we all cheered.
“And to the finest general turned squad leader in Human Space! Mickolai Derdowski!” Quincy said, and they cheered even louder.
“Thank you!” I said, “I needed that! Ladies, what else have you learned?”
Eva said, “We’ve learned that twenty-two percent of Earth’s forces are in the hospital with cholera, or what they think is cholera, and that the floors in the hospital there are covered with an average of two centimeters of human feces. The medical staff has not yet learned that the oral vaccine that they are distributing as a preventative, and the medicines that they are giving to their patients, both contain very strong laxatives, diuretics, and other impolite things.”
“I’ll drink to that!” Conan said, and we all did.
Maryisa said, “Over four thousand of the enemy’s personal weapons have exploded, causing over three thousand casualties.”
Again, there was a great cheer, and three more bottles were popped.
Anna, Maria’s tank, once a clone of Agnieshka, but her own woman now, said, “Numerous firefights are going on between various ethnic groups within the Earth forces, a Chinese all-female technical battalion has decimated an elite all-male German Panzer Grenadier battalion, and the elite Gurkha battalion has seceded from the army, citing good and sufficient reasons.”
“Confusion to the enemy!” Zuzanna shouted. More champagne bottles were popped, and the contents laughingly distributed.
Yvette, Conan’s tank, had been a clone of Eva, but over the years she had developed into a very distinct individual.
She said, “The enemy is now abandoning their forward positions, falling back on all fronts, and trying to hold a circle centered on their nonfunctional transporter receiver. Meanwhile, a council of political advisors has relieved General Burnsides of his command, citing insanity, incompetence, and insensitivity, among other things. He refuses to acknowledge their authority to do this, and yet another firefight seems to be in the offing.”
“They’re still hoping to be able to run away! We’re wiping them up!” Maria shouted, and popped another bottle. We all drank to that.
“It looks like the war is over!” Kasia said.
“Not quite,” Agnieshka said, and suddenly the room got quiet. “It’s looking like it might be resolving itself down to a hostage situation, on a huge scale. In the last week, the Earth forces have taken more than thirty thousand prisoners, mostly civilians. Certain enemy contingents are holding them captive, and demanding that we transport them to a neutral planet, with their hostages, or that they’ll fight to the last man, and kill their hostages before they fall.”
“Damn! It sounds like Derdowski’s Irregulars are needed down below,” Quincy said.
“It sounds like you are right,” I said. “Okay everybody, get sober!”
They did so immediately. The medieval garb we had still been wearing changed immediately into military uniforms. You can do things like that in Dream World.
“Get ready to roll. Conan, we have to leave somebody up here to keep an eye on the Earthworm’s computer, and since your tank can’t move, and we can’t get you out of it in this vacuum, you are elected. Our ladies will give Yvette a download on everything we’ve been doing. I’ll leave you with two standard drones and two mice. Keep harassing the enemy, but don’t let them find out that we are working through their computer. If things go wrong, don’t try to fight it out with the Earthworms. Go ahead and surrender, if they’ll let you. If you die alone up here, it won’t help our planet much, and we’ll be needing both of you later. But if any of us live through this one, we’ll come back for the two of you as soon as we can.”
“Will do, sir.”
“Yes, Mickolai,” Yvette said.
“Good. Agnieshka, is there any reason why we can’t just drive up to the shaft and go in?”
“No, sir. The doors to the air locks are computer controlled, and the enemy has fallen back over thirty-seven kilometers, so far.”
“Do we know where the hostages are being kept?”
“I know one of the locations. It’s a high school auditorium.”
“Then let’s move. Move out! We can do some simulations on the way.”
By the time we got to the shaft, Yvette had figured out the other hostage locations, and had transmitted them to us via an IR comm laser on one of her drones.