Those Extraordinary Twins by Mark Twain

baseball match, and riveted eyes on the pair of legs in front of him.

“Are you ready, Mr. Rogers?”

“Ready sir.”

The kick, launched.

“Have you got that one classified, Mr. Rogers?”

“Let me study a minute, sir.”

“Take as much time as you please. Let me know when you are ready.”

For as much as a minute Rogers pondered, with all eyes and a breathless

interest fastened upon him. Then he gave the word: “Ready, sir.”

“Kick!”

The kick that followed was an exact duplicate of the first one.

“Now, then, Mr. Rogers, one of those kicks was an individual kick, not a

mutual one. You will now state positively which was the mutual one.”

The witness said, with a crestfallen look:

“I’ve got to give it up. There ain’t any man in the world that could

tell t’other from which, sir.”

“Do you still assert that last night’s kick was a mutual kick?”

“Indeed, I don’t, sir.”

“That will do, Mr. Rogers. If my brother Allen desires to address the

court, your honor, very well; but as far as I am concerned I am ready to

let the case be at once delivered into the hands of this intelligent jury

without comment.”

Mr. Justice Robinson had been in office only two months, and in that

short time had not had many cases to try, of course. He had no knowledge

of laws and courts except what he had picked up since he came into

office. He was a sore trouble to the lawyers, for his rulings were

pretty eccentric sometimes, and he stood by them with Roman simplicity

and fortitude; but the people were well satisfied with him, for they saw

that his intentions were always right, that he was entirely impartial,

and that he usually made up in good sense what he lacked in technique,

so to speak. He now perceived that there was likely to be a miscarriage

of justice here, and he rose to the occasion.

“Wait a moment, gentlemen,” he said, “it is plain that an assault has

been committed it is plain to anybody; but the way things are going, the

guilty will certainly escape conviction. I can not allow this. Now—”

“But, your honor!” said Wilson, interrupting him, earnestly but

respectfully, “you are deciding the case yourself, whereas the jury–”

“Never mind the jury, Mr. Wilson; the jury will have a chance when there

is a reasonable doubt for them to take hold of–which there isn’t,

so far. There is no doubt whatever that an assault has been committed.

The attempt to show that both of the accused committed it has failed.

Are they both to escape justice on that account? Not in this court,

if I can prevent it. It appears to have been a mistake to bring the

charge against them as a corporation; each should have been charged in

his capacity as an individual, and–”

“But, your honor!” said Wilson, “in fairness to my clients I must insist

that inasmuch as the prosecution ‘d not separate the–”

“No wrong will be done your clients, sir–they will be protected;

also the public and the offended laws. Mr. Allen, you will amend your

pleadings, and put one of the accused on trial at a time.”

Wilson broke in: “But, your honor! this is wholly unprecedented!

To imperil an accused person by arbitrarily altering and widening the

charge against him in order to compass his conviction when the charge as

originally brought promises to fail to convict, is a thing unheard of

before.”

“Unheard of where?”

“In the courts of this or any other state.”

The judge said with dignity: “I am not acquainted with the customs of

other courts, and am not concerned to know what they are. I am

responsible for this court, and I cannot conscientiously allow my

judgment to be warped and my judicial liberty hampered by trying to

conform to the caprices of other courts, be they–”

“But, your honor, the oldest and highest courts in Europe–”

“This court is not run on the European plan, Mr. Wilson; it is not run on

any plan but its own. It has a plan of its own; and that plan is,

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