The lieutenant looked sour. “What are you butting in for, Perkins? You’re not his lawyer.”
“Not yet, Clarence. For news, Dumbrosky-I work for a newspaper, remember? I repeat-what’s he in for?”
“Obstructing an officer in the performance of his duty.”
“That right, Pappy?”
The old man looked disgusted. “This character-” He indicated one of the policemen “-comes up to my lot and tries to snatch the Manila-Bay paper away from Kitten. I tell her to keep it up out of his way. Then he waves his stick at me and orders me to take it away from her. I tell him what he can do with his stick.” He shrugged. “So here we are.”
“I get it,” Perkins told him, and turned to Dumbrosky. “You got a call from the city hall, didn’t you? So you sent Dugan down to do the dirty work. What I don’t get is why you sent Dugan. I hear he’s so dumb you don’t even let him collect the pay-off on his own beat.”
“That’s a lie!” put in Dugan. “I do so-”
“Shut up, Dugan!” his boss thundered. “Now, see here, Perkins-you clear out. There ain’t no story here.”
” ‘No story’?” Perkins said softly. “The police force tries to arrest a whirlwind and you say there’s no story?”
“Now?” said Clarence.
“Nobody tried to arrest no whirlwind! Now scram.”
“Then how come you’re charging Pappy with obstructing an officer? What was Dugan doing-flying a kite?”
“He’s not charged with obstructing an officer.”
“He’s not, eh? Just what have you booked him for?”
“He’s not booked. We’re holding him for questioning.”
“So? Not booked, no warrant, no crime alleged, just pick up a citizen and roust him around, Gestapo style.” Perkins turned to Pappy. “You’re not under arrest. My advice is to get up and walk out that door.”
Pappy started to get up. “Hey!” Lieutenant Dumbrosky bounded out of his chair, grabbed Pappy by the shoulder and pushed him down. “I’m giving the orders around here. You stay-”
“Now!” yelled Perkins. Clarence’s flashbulb froze them. Then Dumbrosky started up again.
“Who let him in here? Dugan-get that camera.”
“Nyannh!” said Clarence and held it away from the cop. They started doing a little Maypole dance, with Clarence as the Maypole.
“Hold it!” yelled Perkins. “Go ahead and grab the camera, Dugan-I’m just aching to write the story. ‘Police Lieutenant Destroys Evidence of Police Brutality.’ ”
“What do you want I should do, Lieutenant?” pleaded Dugan.
Dumbrosky looked disgusted. “Siddown and close your face. Don’t use that picture, Perkins-I’m warning you.”
“Of what? Going to make me dance with Dugan? Come on, Pappy. Come on, Clarence.” They left.
“OUR FAIR CITY” read the next day. “City Hall Starts Clean Up. While the city street cleaners were enjoying their usual siesta, Lieutenant Dumbrosky, acting on orders of Hizzoner’s office, raided our Third Avenue whirlwind. It went sour, as Patrolman Dugan could not entice the whirlwind into the paddy wagon. Dauntless Dugan was undeterred; he took a citizen standing nearby, one James Metcalfe, parking lot attendant, into custody as an accomplice of the whirlwind. An accomplice in what, Dugan didn’t say-everybody knows that an accomplice is something pretty awful. Lieutenant Dumbrosky questioned the accomplice. See cut. Lieutenant Dumbrosky weighs 215 pounds, without his shoes. The accomplice weighs 119.
“Moral: Don’t get underfoot when the police department is playing games with the wind.
“P. S. As we go to press, the whirlwind is still holding the 1898 museum piece. Stop by Third and Main and take a look. Better hurry-Dumbrosky is expected to make an arrest momentarily.”
Pete’s column continued needling the administration the following day: “Those Missing Files. It is annoying to know that any document needed by the Grand Jury is sure to be mislaid before it can be introduced in evidence. We suggest that Kitten, our Third Avenue Whirlwind, be hired by the city as file clerk extraordinary and entrusted with any item which is likely to be needed later. She could take the special civil exam used to reward the faithful-the one nobody ever flunks.
“Indeed, why limit Kitten to a lowly clerical job? She is persistent-and she hangs on to what she gets. No one will argue that she is less qualified than some city officials we have had.