“Are you happy now?” Niall demanded.
He looked drained, ill—not the vital, confident man she knew, but a stranger more terrifying than Morgan in his half-wolf shape. He had threatened to kill Morgan, and Athena believed him. He would try, at the risk of his own life, if Morgan came near her again.
Unless she could make him understand.
“I didn’t lie to you about my legs, Niall,” she began, gathering the words slowly. “I only just learned that I was able to stand. I didn’t think it was possible. I believed the doctors, just as you did.”
He flung back his head and gave a harsh laugh. “A miracle, is that it? A miracle that just happens to come when you lie with Morgan Holt?”
She let the cutting remark pass. “I know that you have felt responsible all these years. I didn’t want you to. That was why I tried to make a life for myself, as much as I could, and a place in society that wasn’t dependent upon you. I succeeded, Niall. But you never saw it as success.”
“Is this success, Athena?” he asked. “Choosing these… people over the life our father worked to build for the family? Animal instinct instead of the civilized behavior my mother tried to teach you? Instinct to follow after your own kind?”
“It’s what you were afraid of, wasn’t it? When you learned of Morgan’s act—”
“I didn’t guess what he was. I only thought he would remind you of what you should forget. I hoped and prayed that your confinement and your social activities would make you give up any idea of ever… changing again.”
“Then Caitlin was right,” she said. “It was fear that made you try to protect me from the world. Fear, and guilt.” She swallowed. “Did you ever love me, Niall? Or have you always hated?”
“I hated what you were. I hated Gwenyth Desbois, because of what she did to Mother.”
Athena closed her eyes. “I always suspected, but… I tried not to believe it.”
He leaned over the desk. “Do you know what life was like before that whore seduced Father… before she convinced him that rutting with an animal was better than staying faithful to his wife?”
“My mother… Morgan is not an animal,” she whispered.
“I hoped you would be different. I did my best to make it so.” His face was the color of chalk, or the gently falling snow beyond the windows. “I was glad when you were hurt. Glad, Athena. I could have not asked for a better way to… keep you from turning into something like her. But I wasn’t careful enough.”
She stared at him, filled with such anger and pity that no answer would come. He pushed away from the desk and walked about the study, aimlessly touching the spine of one book and then another without seeing the titles.
“You can’t fight what you are,” he said in a dull voice. “There is too much of that animal in you, Athena. And it’s because I love you that I can’t let you give in to it.”
“Because you love me, or hated my mother? I know your mother was hurt, Niall. I am sorry for that. But she never loved me, either. I always sensed her resentment, even though she didn’t let our father see how she felt. If Papa hadn’t insisted that you and I be treated the same, I don’t know what—”
“Our father.” He snorted. “He doted on you. You were always special. After the whore was gone, you reminded him of her. He would have given you anything.”
Athena fell back, remembering something Morgan had said not so long ago. “Did you envy me, Niall? Were you jealous that Papa could love me? Or was it because I could do things that no ordinary person could? Did you want to be like me?”
He laughed. “The very idea disgusts me. I could never understand how our father could touch that woman. But I thought you should be considered innocent of her stain, because you didn’t choose to be born. Now you have to choose.” He faced her again, haggard and wan. “You boasted of the life you’ve made, all the people you have helped. Everyone in society respects you. That life must be important to you, Athena. Now you will have to decide how important it is.”