had ended up with father in a pile of bright red, orange and yellow
leaves.
“Daddy?” Amy’s face was anxious.
Jason was to have been out of town for three days so Sidney had already
anticipated having to explain his absence to her daughter.
God! Three days seemed like three seconds now. She steeled herself as
she smiled at the little face.
“Daddy’s away right now, sweetie,” she began, unable to hide the tremble
in her voice. “It’s just you and me right now, okay? Are you hungry,
you want to eat?”
“My daddy? Daddy working?” Amy persisted, her chubby finger pointing at
the photo. Sidney lifted her daughter onto her lap.
“Amy, do you know who you’re going to see today?”
Amy’s face looked expectant.
“Gramps and Mimi.”
The child’s mouth formed a large oval and then broke into a big smile.
She nodded enthusiastically and blew a kiss toward the refrigerator,
where a picture of her grandparents hung with the aid of a magnet.
“Gamps, Mimi.”
Sidney carefully pulled the photo of Jason from Amy’s hand while sliding
the bowl of oatmeal over.
“Now you need to eat before you go, okay? It’s got-maple syrup and
butter, your favorite.”
“I do it. I do it.” Amy climbed out of her mother’s lap and into her
own chair, carefully maneuvering the spoon as she hungrily plunged into
the oatmeal.
Sidney sighed and covered her eyes. She tried to hold her body rigid,
but several wracking sobs still managed to escape. She finally fled the
room, carrying the photo with her. She raced up the stairs to her
bedroom, put the photo on the top shelf of the closet and flung herself
on the bed, muffling her sobs in the pillow.
A full five minutes went by and the outpouring of sorrow continued.
Usually Sidney could lock on Amy’s whereabouts like radar.
This time she never heard her little girl until she felt the small hand
on her shoulder, pulling at her. Amy lay down beside Sidney, burrowing
her face into her mother’s shoulder.
Amy saw the tears and cried out “Oh, boo-boos, boo-boos,” as she touched
the wetness. She cupped her mother’s face between her two little hands
and started to cry too as she struggled to form the words.
“Mommy, sad?” Their wet faces touched, tears mixed together. After a
while Sidney pulled herself up, held her daughter, rocked her back and
forth on the soft mattress. A bit of oatmeal clung to Amy’s mouth.
Sidney silently cursed herself for breaking down, for making her
daughter cry, but she had never experienced such overpowering emotion
before.
Finally the spasms stopped. Sidney rubbed at her eyes for the hundredth
time and finally there were no new tears to replace the old. After a
few more minutes she carried Amy into the bathroom, wiped her face and
kissed her.
“It’s okay, baby, Mommy’s okay now. No more crying.”
When Amy finally calmed down, Sidney gathered some toys from the bathtub
for her. While she was thus preoccupied, Sidney quickly showered and
changed into a long skirt and turtleneck.
When Sidney’s parents knocked on the door promptly at nine, Amy’s bag
was packed and she was ready to go. They walked out to the car.
Sidney’s father carried Amy’s bag. Sidney’s mother walked along with
Amy.
Bill Patterson put one burly arm around her daughter’s shoulder, his
sunken eyes and caved-in shoulders revealing how strongly the tragedy
had struck him.
“Jesus, honey, I still can’t believe it. I just talked to Jason two
days ago. We were going to do some ice fishing this year. Up in
Minnesota. Just the two of us.”
“I know, Dad, he told me. He was very excited about it.”
While her father loaded Amy’s bag in the car, Sidney strapped her
daughter in the baby seat, handed her Winnie the Pooh, squeezed her hard
and then kissed her gently.
“I’ll see you very soon, babydoll. Mommy promises.”
Sidney closed the door. Her mother took her hand.
“Sidney, please come down with us. You don’t want to be alone right
now. Please.”
Sidney gripped her mother’s slender hand. “I do need some time alone,
Mom. I need to think things through. I won’t be long. A day or two,