live. My lady would not lose him for more than I’ll say.
MALVOLIO How now, mistress!
MARIA O Lord!
SIR TOBY BELCH Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do
you not see you move him? let me alone with him.
FABIAN No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is
rough, and will not be roughly used.
SIR TOBY BELCH Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?
MALVOLIO Sir!
SIR TOBY BELCH Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! ’tis not for
gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: hang
him, foul collier!
MARIA Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
MALVOLIO My prayers, minx!
MARIA No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
MALVOLIO Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
things: I am not of your element: you shall know
more hereafter.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH Is’t possible?
FABIAN If this were played upon a stage now, I could
condemn it as an improbable fiction.
SIR TOBY BELCH His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
MARIA Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
FABIAN Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
MARIA The house will be the quieter.
SIR TOBY BELCH Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound. My
niece is already in the belief that he’s mad: we
may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his penance,
till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt
us to have mercy on him: at which time we will
bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a
finder of madmen. But see, but see.
Enter SIR ANDREW
FABIAN More matter for a May morning.
SIR ANDREW Here’s the challenge, read it: warrant there’s
vinegar and pepper in’t.
FABIAN Is’t so saucy?
SIR ANDREW Ay, is’t, I warrant him: do but read.
SIR TOBY BELCH Give me.
Reads
‘Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.’
FABIAN Good, and valiant.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
‘Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for’t.’
FABIAN A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
‘Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my
sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy
throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.’
FABIAN Very brief, and to exceeding good sense–less.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
‘I will waylay thee going home; where if it
be thy chance to kill me,’–
FABIAN Good.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
‘Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.’
FABIAN Still you keep o’ the windy side of the law: good.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads]
‘Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon
one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but
my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy
friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
I’ll give’t him.
MARIA You may have very fit occasion for’t: he is now in
some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart.
SIR TOBY BELCH Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the
orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest
him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for
it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a
swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood
more approbation than ever proof itself would have
earned him. Away!
SIR ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing.
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good
capacity and breeding; his employment between his
lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this
letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no
terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a
clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by
word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report
of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his
youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
This will so fright them both that they will kill
one another by the look, like cockatrices.
Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA
FABIAN Here he comes with your niece: give them way till
he take leave, and presently after him.
SIR TOBY BELCH I will meditate the while upon some horrid message
for a challenge.
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA
OLIVIA I have said too much unto a heart of stone
And laid mine honour too unchary out:
There’s something in me that reproves my fault;
But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
That it but mocks reproof.
VIOLA With the same ‘havior that your passion bears
Goes on my master’s grief.
OLIVIA Here, wear this jewel for me, ’tis my picture;
Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny,
That honour saved may upon asking give?
VIOLA Nothing but this; your true love for my master.
OLIVIA How with mine honour may I give him that
Which I have given to you?
VIOLA I will acquit you.
OLIVIA Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
Exit
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN
SIR TOBY BELCH Gentleman, God save thee.
VIOLA And you, sir.
SIR TOBY BELCH That defence thou hast, betake thee to’t: of what
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end:
dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for
thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.
VIOLA You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel
to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from
any image of offence done to any man.
SIR TOBY BELCH You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to
your guard; for your opposite hath in him what
youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal.
VIOLA I pray you, sir, what is he?
SIR TOBY BELCH He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on
carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and
his incensement at this moment is so implacable,
that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death
and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give’t or take’t.
VIOLA I will return again into the house and desire some
conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard
of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on
others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man
of that quirk.
SIR TOBY BELCH Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a
very competent injury: therefore, get you on and
give him his desire. Back you shall not to the
house, unless you undertake that with me which with
as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on,
or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you
must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me
this courteous office, as to know of the knight what
my offence to him is: it is something of my
negligence, nothing of my purpose.
SIR TOBY BELCH I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman till my return.
Exit
VIOLA Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
FABIAN I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a
mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
VIOLA I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by
his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful,
bloody and fatal opposite that you could possibly
have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk
towards him? I will make your peace with him if I
can.
VIOLA I shall be much bound to you for’t: I am one that
had rather go with sir priest than sir knight: I
care not who knows so much of my mettle.
Exeunt
Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH, with SIR ANDREW
SIR TOBY BELCH Why, man, he’s a very devil; I have not seen such a
firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard and
all, and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal
motion, that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he
pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they