Ekodas could think of no reply, so he bowed and backed away. ‘You look like a man now,’ said Shia approvingly. ‘And you fight like a warrior. I watched you kill three and maim a fourth.’
He winced and walked swiftly from the hall. But she followed him out on to the lower rampart above the courtyard. The stars were bright and he drew in several deep, cool breaths.
‘Did I insult you?’ she asked.
‘No. It is…just…that I do not like to kill. It does not please me to hear that I maimed a man.’
‘Do not concern yourself. I cut his throat.’
‘That is hardly an uplifting thought.’
“They are our enemies,’ she said, speaking as if to a simpleton. ‘What else would you do with them?’
‘I have no answers, Shia. Only questions that no one can answer.’
‘I could answer them,’ she assured him brightly.
He sat back on the rampart wall and looked into her moonlit face. ‘You are so confident. Why is that?’
‘I know what I know, Ekodas. Ask me one of your questions.’
‘I hate to kill, I know that. So why, during yesterday’s battle, did I feel exultant with each sword-stroke?’
‘I thought your questions would be hard,’ she chided. ‘Spirit and Flesh, Ekodas. The spirit is immortal. It loves the Light, it worships beauty, of thought and deed. And it has Eternity to enjoy, Time to contemplate. But the Flesh is Dark. For the Flesh knows it has not long to live. Against the time of the Spirit the life of the Flesh is like a lightning flash. So it has little time to know pleasure, to taste the richness of life; lust, greed, gain. It wants to experience everything, and it cares for nothing save existence. What you felt was the surging joy of the Flesh. Nothing more. And certainly nothing to cause you self-loathing.’ She chuckled, a rich, throaty sound that touched him like fire in the blood.
‘What is so amusing?’
‘You should feel sorry for the part of you that is Flesh, Ekodas. For what do you offer him in his brief existence? Rich food? No. Strong wines? Dances? Lust in the firelight?’ She laughed again. ‘No wonder he takes such pleasure from combat, eh?’
‘You are a provocative woman,’ he scolded.
‘Thank you. Do I arouse you?’
‘Yes.’
‘But you fight it?’
‘I must. It is the way I have chosen to live.’
‘Do you believe the Spirit is eternal?’
‘Of course.’
‘Then do not be selfish, Ekodas. Does the Flesh not deserve a day in the sun? Look at my lips. Are they not full and pleasing? And is my body not firm where it should be, and yet soft where it needs to be?’
His throat was dry, and he realised she had moved in very close. He stood and reached out, holding her at arms’ length. ‘Why do you torment me, lady? You know that I cannot give you what you desire.’
‘Would you if you could?’
‘Yes,’ he admitted.
‘We have our own priests,’ she said. ‘Kesa Khan is one. He also forbears from lovemaking, but it is a choice. He does not condemn it as wrong. Do you believe the gods created us?’
‘The Source, yes.’
‘And did they…He, if you like… not create men and women to desire one another?’
‘I know where this is leading, but let me say this: there are many ways to serve the Source. Some men marry and beget children. Others choose different paths. What you said about the Flesh has great merit, but in subjugating the desires of the Flesh the Spirit becomes stronger. I can, in my Spirit form, fly through the air. I can read minds. I can heal the sick, removing cancerous growths. You understand? I can do these things because the Source has blessed me. And because I abstain from earthly pleasures.’
‘Have you ever had a woman?’ she countered.
‘No.’
‘How does your Source feel about killing?’
He smiled ruefully. ‘His priests are pledged to love all living things, and harm none.’
‘So you have chosen to break one of His commandments?’
‘I believe that we have.’
‘Is lovemaking a greater sin than killing?’