WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN

RIGHT LIVING–has yours an advantage over the others?

O.M. One, yes–a large one. It has no concealments, no

deceptions. When a man leads a right and valuable life under it

he is not deceived as to the REAL chief motive which impels him

to it–in those other cases he is.

Y.M. Is that an advantage? Is it an advantage to live a

lofty life for a mean reason? In the other cases he lives the

lofty life under the IMPRESSION that he is living for a lofty

reason. Is not that an advantage?

O.M. Perhaps so. The same advantage he might get out of

thinking himself a duke, and living a duke’s life and parading in

ducal fuss and feathers, when he wasn’t a duke at all, and could

find it out if he would only examine the herald’s records.

Y.M. But anyway, he is obliged to do a duke’s part; he puts

his hand in his pocket and does his benevolences on as big a

scale as he can stand, and that benefits the community.

O.M. He could do that without being a duke.

Y.M. But would he?

O.M. Don’t you see where you are arriving?

Y.M. Where?

O.M. At the standpoint of the other schemes: That it is

good morals to let an ignorant duke do showy benevolences for his

pride’s sake, a pretty low motive, and go on doing them unwarned,

lest if he were made acquainted with the actual motive which

prompted them he might shut up his purse and cease to be good?

Y.M. But isn’t it best to leave him in ignorance, as long

as he THINKS he is doing good for others’ sake?

O.M. Perhaps so. It is the position of the other schemes.

They think humbug is good enough morals when the dividend on it

is good deeds and handsome conduct.

Y.M. It is my opinion that under your scheme of a man’s

doing a good deed for his OWN sake first-off, instead of first

for the GOOD DEED’S sake, no man would ever do one.

O.M. Have you committed a benevolence lately?

Y.M. Yes. This morning.

O.M. Give the particulars.

Y.M. The cabin of the old negro woman who used to nurse me

when I was a child and who saved my life once at the risk of her

own, was burned last night, and she came mourning this morning,

and pleading for money to build another one.

O.M. You furnished it?

Y.M. Certainly.

O.M. You were glad you had the money?

Y.M. Money? I hadn’t. I sold my horse.

O.M. You were glad you had the horse?

Y.M. Of course I was; for if I hadn’t had the horse I

should have been incapable, and my MOTHER would have captured the

chance to set old Sally up.

O.M. You were cordially glad you were not caught out and

incapable?

Y.M. Oh, I just was!

O.M. Now, then–

Y.M. Stop where you are! I know your whole catalog of

questions, and I could answer every one of them without your

wasting the time to ask them; but I will summarize the whole

thing in a single remark: I did the charity knowing it was

because the act would give ME a splendid pleasure, and because

old Sally’s moving gratitude and delight would give ME another

one; and because the reflection that she would be happy now and

out of her trouble would fill ME full of happiness. I did the

whole thing with my eyes open and recognizing and realizing that

I was looking out for MY share of the profits FIRST. Now then, I

have confessed. Go on.

O.M. I haven’t anything to offer; you have covered the

whole ground. Can you have been any MORE strongly moved to help

Sally out of her trouble–could you have done the deed any more

eagerly–if you had been under the delusion that you were doing

it for HER sake and profit only?

Y.M. No! Nothing in the world could have made the impulse

which moved me more powerful, more masterful, more thoroughly

irresistible. I played the limit!

O.M. Very well. You begin to suspect–and I claim to KNOW

–that when a man is a shade MORE STRONGLY MOVED to do ONE of two

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