WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN

in being in a kind of personal way connected with amazing events.

We are all privately vain of such a thing; we are all alike; a

king is a king by accident; the reason the rest of us are not

kings is merely due to another accident; we are all made out of

the same clay, and it is a sufficient poor quality.

Below the kings, these remarks are in the air these days; I

know it well as if I were hearing them:

THE COMMANDER: “He was in my army.”

THE GENERAL: “He was in my corps.”

THE COLONEL: “He was in my regiment. A brute. I remember

him well.”

THE CAPTAIN: “He was in my company. A troublesome

scoundrel. I remember him well.”

THE SERGEANT: “Did I know him? As well as I know you.

Why, every morning I used to–” etc., etc.; a glad, long story,

told to devouring ears.

THE LANDLADY: “Many’s the time he boarded with me. I can

show you his very room, and the very bed he slept in. And the

charcoal mark there on the wall–he made that. My little Johnny

saw him do it with his own eyes. Didn’t you, Johnny?”

It is easy to see, by the papers, that the magistrate and

the constables and the jailer treasure up the assassin’s daily

remarks and doings as precious things, and as wallowing this week

in seas of blissful distinction. The interviewer, too; he tried

to let on that he is not vain of his privilege of contact with

this man whom few others are allowed to gaze upon, but he is

human, like the rest, and can no more keep his vanity corked in

than could you or I.

Some think that this murder is a frenzied revolt against the

criminal militarism which is impoverishing Europe and driving the

starving poor mad. That has many crimes to answer for, but not

this one, I think. One may not attribute to this man a generous

indignation against the wrongs done the poor; one may not dignify

him with a generous impulse of any kind. When he saw his

photograph and said, “I shall be celebrated,” he laid bare the

impulse that prompted him. It was a mere hunger for notoriety.

There is another confessed case of the kind which is as old as

history–the burning of the temple of Ephesus.

Among the inadequate attempts to account for the

assassination we must concede high rank to the many which have

described it as a “peculiarly brutal crime” and then added that

it was “ordained from above.” I think this verdict will not be

popular “above.” If the deed was ordained from above, there is

no rational way of making this prisoner even partially

responsible for it, and the Genevan court cannot condemn him

without manifestly committing a crime. Logic is logic, and by

disregarding its laws even the most pious and showy theologian

may be beguiled into preferring charges which should not be

ventured upon except in the shelter of plenty of lightning-rods.

I witnessed the funeral procession, in company with friends,

from the windows of the Krantz, Vienna’s sumptuous new hotel. We

came into town in the middle of the forenoon, and I went on foot

from the station. Black flags hung down from all the houses; the

aspects were Sunday-like; the crowds on the sidewalks were quiet

and moved slowly; very few people were smoking; many ladies wore

deep mourning, gentlemen were in black as a rule; carriages were

speeding in all directions, with footmen and coachmen in black

clothes and wearing black cocked hats; the shops were closed; in

many windows were pictures of the Empress: as a beautiful young

bride of seventeen; as a serene and majestic lady with added

years; and finally in deep black and without ornaments–the

costume she always wore after the tragic death of her son nine

years ago, for her heart broke then, and life lost almost all its

value for her. The people stood grouped before these pictures,

and now and then one saw women and girls turn away wiping the

tears from their eyes.

In front of the Krantz is an open square; over the way was

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