the horse-car. Well, after all, it is our first date, and so it
is right enough to honor it, and pay the public schools to teach
our children to honor it:
George Washington was born in 1492.
Washington wrote the Declaration of Independence in 1492.
St. Bartholemew was massacred in 1492.
The Brittains were the Saxons who entered England in 1492
under Julius Caesar.
The earth is 1492 miles in circumference.
To proceed with “History”
Christopher Columbus was called the Father of his Country.
Queen Isabella of Spain sold her watch and chain and other
millinery so that Columbus could discover America.
The Indian wars were very desecrating to the country.
The Indians pursued their warfare by hiding in the bushes
and then scalping them.
Captain John Smith has been styled the father of his country.
His life was saved by his daughter Pochahantas.
The Puritans found an insane asylum in the wilds of America.
The Stamp Act was to make everybody stamp all materials so
they should be null and void.
Washington died in Spain almost broken-hearted. His remains
were taken to the cathedral in Havana.
Gorilla warfare was where men rode on gorillas.
John Brown was a very good insane man who tried to get
fugitives slaves into Virginia. He captured all the inhabitants,
but was finally conquered and condemned to his death. The
confederasy was formed by the fugitive slaves.
Alfred the Great reigned 872 years. He was distinguished
for letting some buckwheat cakes burn, and the lady scolded him.
Henry Eight was famous for being a great widower haveing
lost several wives.
Lady Jane Grey studied Greek and Latin and was beheaded
after a few days.
John Bright is noted for an incurable disease.
Lord James Gordon Bennet instigated the Gordon Riots.
The Middle Ages come in between antiquity and posterity.
Luther introduced Christianity into England a good many
thousand years ago. His birthday was November 1883. He was once
a Pope. He lived at the time of the Rebellion of Worms.
Julius Caesar is noted for his famous telegram dispatch I
came I saw I conquered.
Julius Caesar was really a very great man. He was a very
great soldier and wrote a book for beginners in the Latin.
Cleopatra was caused by the death of an asp which she
dissolved in a wine cup.
The only form of government in Greece was a limited monkey.
The Persian war lasted about 500 years.
Greece had only 7 wise men.
Socrates . . . destroyed some statues and had to drink Shamrock.
Here is a fact correctly stated; and yet it is phrased with
such ingenious infelicity that it can be depended upon to convey
misinformation every time it is uncarefully unread:
By the Salic law no woman or descendant of a woman could
occupy the throne.
To show how far a child can travel in history with judicious
and diligent boosting in the public school, we select the
following mosaic:
Abraham Lincoln was born in Wales in 1599.
In the chapter headed “Intellectual” I find a great number of most
interesting statements. A sample or two may be found not amiss:
Bracebridge Hall was written by Henry Irving.
Show Bound was written by Peter Cooper.
The House of the Seven Gables was written by Lord Bryant.
Edgar A. Poe was a very curdling writer.
Cotton Mather was a writer who invented the cotten gin and
wrote histories.
Beowulf wrote the Scriptures.
Ben Johnson survived Shakspeare in some respects.
In the Canterbury Tale it gives account of King Alfred on
his way to the shrine of Thomas Bucket.
Chaucer was the father of English pottery.
Chaucer was a bland verse writer of the third century.
Chaucer was succeeded by H. Wads. Longfellow an American
Writer. His writings were chiefly prose and nearly one hundred
years elapsed.
Shakspere translated the Scriptures and it was called St.
James because he did it.
In the middle of the chapter I find many pages of
information concerning Shakespeare’s plays, Milton’s works, and
those of Bacon, Addison, Samuel Johnson, Fielding, Richardson,
Sterne, Smollett, De Foe, Locke, Pope, Swift, Goldsmith, Burns,
Cowper, Wordsworth, Gibbon, Byron, Coleridge, Hood, Scott,
Macaulay, George Eliot, Dickens, Bulwer, Thackeray, Browning,