WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN

explain why Stephen was awarded a pleasanter death than he was

entitled to, while the aged King Henry, his predecessor, who had

ruled England thirty-five years to the people’s strongly worded

satisfaction, was condemned to close his life in circumstances

most distinctly unpleasant, inconvenient, and disagreeable. His

was probably the most uninspiring funeral that is set down in

history. There is not a detail about it that is attractive. It

seems to have been just the funeral for Stephen, and even at this

far-distant day it is matter of just regret that by an

indiscretion the wrong man got it.

Whenever God punishes a man, Henry of Huntington knows why

it was done, and tells us; and his pen is eloquent with

admiration; but when a man has earned punishment, and escapes, he

does not explain. He is evidently puzzled, but he does not say

anything. I think it is often apparent that he is pained by

these discrepancies, but loyally tries his best not to show it.

When he cannot praise, he delivers himself of a silence so marked

that a suspicious person could mistake it for suppressed

criticism. However, he has plenty of opportunities to feel

contented with the way things go–his book is full of them.

King David of Scotland . . . under color of religion caused

his followers to deal most barbarously with the English. They

ripped open women, tossed children on the points of spears,

butchered priests at the altars, and, cutting off the heads from

the images on crucifixes, placed them on the bodies of the slain,

while in exchange they fixed on the crucifixes the heads of their

victims. Wherever the Scots came, there was the same scene of

horror and cruelty: women shrieking, old men lamenting, amid the

groans of the dying and the despair of the living.

But the English got the victory.

Then the chief of the men of Lothian fell, pierced by an arrow,

and all his followers were put to flight. For the Almighty was

offended at them and their strength was rent like a cobweb.

Offended at them for what? For committing those fearful

butcheries? No, for that was the common custom on both sides,

and not open to criticism. Then was it for doing the butcheries

“under cover of religion”? No, that was not it; religious

feeling was often expressed in that fervent way all through those

old centuries. The truth is, He was not offended at “them” at all;

He was only offended at their king, who had been false to an oath.

Then why did not He put the punishment upon the king instead of

upon “them”? It is a difficult question. One can see by the

Chronicle that the “judgments” fell rather customarily upon

the wrong person, but Henry of Huntington does not explain why.

Here is one that went true; the chronicler’s satisfaction

in it is not hidden:

In the month of August, Providence displayed its justice in

a remarkable manner; for two of the nobles who had converted

monasteries into fortifications, expelling the monks, their sin

being the same, met with a similar punishment. Robert Marmion

was one, Godfrey de Mandeville the other. Robert Marmion,

issuing forth against the enemy, was slain under the walls of the

monastery, being the only one who fell, though he was surrounded

by his troops. Dying excommunicated, he became subject to death

everlasting. In like manner Earl Godfrey was singled out among

his followers, and shot with an arrow by a common foot-soldier.

He made light of the wound, but he died of it in a few days,

under excommunication. See here the like judgment of God,

memorable through all ages!

The exaltation jars upon me; not because of the death of the

men, for they deserved that, but because it is death eternal, in

white-hot fire and flame. It makes my flesh crawl. I have not

known more than three men, or perhaps four, in my whole lifetime,

*whom I would rejoice to see writhing in those fires for even a

year, let alone forever. I believe I would relent before the

year was up, and get them out if I could. I think that in

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