WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN

the long run, if a man’s wife and babies, who had not harmed me,

should come crying and pleading, I couldn’t stand it; I know I

should forgive him and let him go, even if he had violated a

monastery. Henry of Huntington has been watching Godfrey and

Marmion for nearly seven hundred and fifty years, now, but I

couldn’t do it, I know I couldn’t. I am soft and gentle in my

nature, and I should have forgiven them seventy-and-seven times,

long ago. And I think God has; but this is only an opinion,

and not authoritative, like Henry of Huntington’s interpretations.

I could learn to interpret, but I have never tried; I get so

little time.

All through his book Henry exhibits his familiarity with the

intentions of God, and with the reasons for his intentions.

Sometimes–very often, in fact–the act follows the intention

after such a wide interval of time that one wonders how Henry

could fit one act out of a hundred to one intention out of a

hundred and get the thing right every time when there was such

abundant choice among acts and intentions. Sometimes a man

offends the Deity with a crime, and is punished for it thirty

years later; meantime he was committed a million other crimes:

no matter, Henry can pick out the one that brought the worms.

Worms were generally used in those days for the slaying of

particularly wicked people. This has gone out, now, but in old

times it was a favorite. It always indicated a case of “wrath.”

For instance:

. . . the just God avenging Robert Fitzhilderbrand’s

perfidy, a worm grew in his vitals, which gradually gnawing its

way through his intestines fattened on the abandoned man till,

tortured with excruciating sufferings and venting himself in

bitter moans, he was by a fitting punishment brought to his end.

–(P. 400.)

It was probably an alligator, but we cannot tell; we only

know it was a particular breed, and only used to convey wrath.

Some authorities think it was an ichthyosaurus, but there is

much doubt.

However, one thing we do know; and that is that that worm had been

due years and years. Robert F. had violated a monastery once;

he had committed unprintable crimes since, and they had been

permitted–under disapproval–but the ravishment of the monastery

had not been forgotten nor forgiven, and the worm came at last.

Why were these reforms put off in this strange way? What was to

be gained by it? Did Henry of Huntington really know his facts,

or was he only guessing? Sometimes I am half persuaded that

he is only a guesser, and not a good one. The divine wisdom

must surely be of the better quality than he makes it out to be.

Five hundred years before Henry’s time some forecasts of the

Lord’s purposes were furnished by a pope, who perceived, by

certain perfectly trustworthy signs furnished by the Deity for

the information of His familiars, that the end of the world was

. . . about to come. But as this end of the world draws

near many things are at hand which have not before happened, as

changes in the air, terrible signs in the heavens, tempests out

of the common order of the seasons, wars, famines, pestilences,

earthquakes in various places; all which will not happen in our

days, but after our days all will come to pass.

Still, the end was so near that these signs were “sent before

that we may be careful for our souls and be found prepared

to meet the impending judgment.”

That was thirteen hundred years ago. This is really no

improvement on the work of the Roman augurs.

——————————————————————-

CONCERNING TOBACCO

As concerns tobacco, there are many superstitions. And the

chiefest is this–that there is a STANDARD governing the matter,

whereas there is nothing of the kind. Each man’s own preference

is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept,

the only one which can command him. A congress of all the

tobacco-lovers in the world could not elect a standard which

would be binding upon you or me, or would even much influence us.

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