WHAT IS MAN? AND OTHER ESSAYS OF MARK TWAIN

again. I may seem to light his red-gartered cigar, but that is

only for courtesy’s sake; I smuggle it into my pocket for the

poor, of whom I know many, and light one of my own; and while he

praises it I join in, but when he says it cost forty-five cents I

say nothing, for I know better.

However, to say true, my tastes are so catholic that I have

never seen any cigars that I really could not smoke, except those

that cost a dollar apiece. I have examined those and know that

they are made of dog-hair, and not good dog-hair at that.

I have a thoroughly satisfactory time in Europe, for all

over the Continent one finds cigars which not even the most

hardened newsboys in New York would smoke. I brought cigars with

me, the last time; I will not do that any more. In Italy, as in

France, the Government is the only cigar-peddler. Italy has

three or four domestic brands: the Minghetti, the Trabuco, the

Virginia, and a very coarse one which is a modification of the

Virginia. The Minghettis are large and comely, and cost three

dollars and sixty cents a hundred; I can smoke a hundred in seven

days and enjoy every one of them. The Trabucos suit me, too; I

don’t remember the price. But one has to learn to like the

Virginia, nobody is born friendly to it. It looks like a rat-

tail file, but smokes better, some think. It has a straw through

it; you pull this out, and it leaves a flue, otherwise there

would be no draught, not even as much as there is to a nail.

Some prefer a nail at first. However, I like all the French,

Swiss, German, and Italian domestic cigars, and have never cared

to inquire what they are made of; and nobody would know, anyhow,

perhaps. There is even a brand of European smoking-tobacco that

I like. It is a brand used by the Italian peasants. It is loose

and dry and black, and looks like tea-grounds. When the fire is

applied it expands, and climbs up and towers above the pipe, and

presently tumbles off inside of one’s vest. The tobacco itself

is cheap, but it raises the insurance. It is as I remarked in

the beginning–the taste for tobacco is a matter of superstition.

There are no standards–no real standards. Each man’s preference

is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept,

the only one which can command him.

——————————————————————

THE BEE

It was Maeterlinck who introduced me to the bee. I mean, in

the psychical and in the poetical way. I had had a business

introduction earlier. It was when I was a boy. It is strange

that I should remember a formality like that so long; it must be

nearly sixty years.

Bee scientists always speak of the bee as she. It is

because all the important bees are of that sex. In the hive

there is one married bee, called the queen; she has fifty

thousand children; of these, about one hundred are sons; the rest

are daughters. Some of the daughters are young maids, some are

old maids, and all are virgins and remain so.

Every spring the queen comes out of the hive and flies away

with one of her sons and marries him. The honeymoon lasts only

an hour or two; then the queen divorces her husband and returns

home competent to lay two million eggs. This will be enough to

last the year, but not more than enough, because hundreds of bees

are drowned every day, and other hundreds are eaten by birds, and

it is the queen’s business to keep the population up to standard

–say, fifty thousand. She must always have that many children

on hand and efficient during the busy season, which is summer, or

winter would catch the community short of food. She lays from

two thousand to three thousand eggs a day, according to the

demand; and she must exercise judgment, and not lay more than are

needed in a slim flower-harvest, nor fewer than are required in a

prodigal one, or the board of directors will dethrone her and

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