“Now listen to me,” he said angrily. “These people here have got just as much bloody right to live as you have, haven’t they? It’s not their fault they’re blind, is it? It’s nobody’s fault-but it’s going to be your fault if they starve, and you know it.”
His voice was a curious mixture of the rough and the educated, so that it was hard to place him-as though neither style seemed quite natural to him, somehow.
“I’ve been showing them where to get food. I’ve been doing what I can for them, but, Christ, there’s only one of me, and there’s thousands of them. You could be showing ‘em where to get food, too-but are you?-hell! What are you doing about it? Damn all, that’s what. Just look after your own lousy skins. I’ve met your kind before. It’s ‘Damn you, Jack, I’m all right’-that’s your motto.”
He spat with contempt and raised a long, oratorical arm.
“Out there,” he said, waving his hand toward London at large, “out there there are thousands of poor devils only wanting someone to show them how to get the food that’s there for the taking. And you could do it. All you’ve got to do is show them. But do you? Do you, you buggers? No, what
you do is shut yourselves in here and let them bloody well starve when each one of you could keep hundreds alive by doing no more than coming out and showing the poor sods where to get the grub. God almighty, aren’t you people human?”
The man’s voice was violent. He had a case to put, and he was putting it passionately. I felt Josella’s hand unconsciously clutching my arm, and I put my band over hers. The man on the far side of the gate said something that was inaudible where we stood.
“How long?” shouted the man on our side. “How in hell would I know how long the food’s going to last? What I do know is that if bastards like you don’t muck in and help, there ain’t going to be many left alive by the time they come to clear this bloody mess up.” He stood glaring for a moment. “Fact of it is, you’re scared-seared to show ‘em where the food is. And why? Because the more these poor devils get to eat, the less there’s going to be for your lot. That’s the way of it, isn’t it? That’s the truth-if you had the guts to admit it.”
Again we failed to hear the answer of the other man; but, whatever it was, it did nothing to mollify he speaker. He stared back grimly through the gates for a moment. Then he said:
“All right-if that’s the way you want it!”
He made a lightning snatch between the bars and caught the other’s arm. In one swift movement he dragged it through and twisted it. He grabbed the hand of a blind man standing beside him and clamped it on the arm.
“Hang on there, mate,” he said, and jumped toward the main fastening of the gates.
The man inside recovered from his first surprise. He struck wildly through the bars behind him with his other hand. A chance swipe took the blind man in the face. It made him give a yell and tighten his grip. The leader of the crowd was wrenching at the gate fastening. At that moment a rifle cracked. The bullet pinged against the railings and whirred off on a ricochet. The leader checked suddenly, undecided. Behind him there was an outbreak of curses and a scream or two. The crowd swayed back and forth as though uncertain whether to run or to charge the gates. The decision was made for them by those in the courtyard. I saw a youngish-looking man tuck something under his arm, and I dropped down, pulling Josella with me, as the clatter of a submachine gun began.
It was obvious that the shooting was deliberately high; nevertheless, the rattle of it, and the whizz of glancing bullets, was alarming. One short burst was enough to settle the matter. When we raised our heads the crowd had lost entity and its components were groping their ways to safer parts in all three possible directions. The leader paused only to shout something unintelligible, then he turned away too. He made his way northward up Malet Street, doing his best to rally his following behind him.
I sat where we were and looked at Josella. She looked thoughtfully back at me and then down at the ground before her. It was some minutes before either of us spoke.
“Well?” I asked at last.
She raised her head to look across the road, and then at the last stragglers from the crowd pathetically fumbling their ways.
He was right,” she said. “You know he was right, don’t you?” I nodded.
Yes, he was right. And yet he was quite wrong too. You see, there is no ‘they’ to come to clear up this mess-I’m quite sure of that now. It won’t be cleared up. We could do as he says. We could show some, though only some, of these people where there is food. We could do that for a few days, maybe for a few weeks, but after that-what?”
“It seems so awful, so callous
“If we face it squarely, there’s a simple choice,” I said. “Either we can set out to save what can be saved from the wreck-and that has to include ourselves-or we can devote ourselves to stretching the lives of these people a little longer. That is the most objective view I can take.
But I can see, too, that the more obviously humane course is also, probably, the road to suicide. Should we spend our time in prolonging misery when we believe that there is no chance of saving the people in the end? Would that be the best use to make of ourselves?”
She nodded slowly.
“Put like that, there doesn’t seem to be much choice, does there? And even if we could save a few, which are we going to choose? And who are we to choose? And how long could we do it, anyway?”
“There’s nothing easy about this,” I said. “I’ve no idea Ac what proportion of semidisabled persons it may be possible for us to support when we come to the end of easy supplies, but I don’t imagine it could be very high.”
“You’ve made up your mind,” she said, glancing at me.
There might or might not have been a tinge of disapproval her voice.
“My dear,” I said, “I don’t like this any more than you do. I’ve put the alternatives badly before you. Do we help those who have survived the catastrophe to rebuild some kind of life? Or do we make a moral gesture which, on the face of it, can scarcely be more than a gesture? The people across the road there evidently intend to survive.”
She dug her fingers into the earth and let the soil trickle out of her hand.
“I suppose you’re right,” she said. “But you’re also right when you say I don’t like it.”
“Our likes and dislikes as decisive factors have now pretty well disappeared,” I suggested.
“Maybe, but I can’t help feeling that there must be something wrong about anything that starts with shooting.”
He shot to miss-and it’s very likely he saved fighting,” I pointed out.
The crowd had all gone now. I climbed over the wall and helped Josella down on the other side. A man at the gate opened it to let us in.
“How many of you?” he asked.
“Just the two of us. We saw your signal last night,” I told him.
“Okay. Come along, and we’ll find the Colonel,” he said, leading us across the forecourt.
The man whom he called the Colonel had set himself up in a small room not far from the entrance and intended, seemingly for the porters. He was a chubby man just turned fifty or thereabouts. His hair was plentiful but well-trimmed, and gray. His mustache matched it and looked as if no single hair would dare to break the ranks. His complexion was so pink, healthy, and fresh that it might have belonged to a much younger man; his mind, I discovered later, had never ceased to do so. He was sitting behind a table with quantities of paper arranged on it in mathematically exact blocks and an unsoiled sheet of pink blotting paper placed squarely before him.
As we came in he turned upon us, one after the other, an intense, steady look, and held it a little longer than was necessary. I recognized the technique. It is intended to convey that the user is a percipient judge accustomed to taking summarily the measure of his man; the receiver should feel that be now faces a reliable type with no nonsense about him-or, alternatively, that he has been seen through and had all his weaknesses noted. The right form of response is to return it in kind and be considered a “useful fella.” I did. The Colonel picked up his pen.