“Who have you felt like killing?” I asked.
“I don’t own a gun or anything else, uh, dangerous,” he answered. “Because I don’t ever want to be vulnerable to an impulse. Once you can envision yourself doing something, once you can relate to the mechanism behind the deed, the door is cracked. It can happen. Virtually every heinous event that occurs in this world was first conceived in thought. We aren’t good or bad, one or the other.”
His voice was trembling. “Even those classified as insane have their own reasons for why they do what they do.”
“What was the reason behind what happened to Beryl?” I asked.
My thoughts were precise and clearly stated. And yet I was sick inside as I tried to block the images: the black stains on the walls, the stab wounds clustered over her breast, her books standing primly on the library shelf quietly waiting to be read. “The person who did this loved her,” he said.
“A rather brutal way to show it, don’t you think?”
“Love can be brutal,” he said. “Did you love her?”
“We were very much alike.”
“In what way?”
“Out of sync.”
He was studying his hands again. “Alone and sensitive and misunderstood. And this served to make her distant, very guarded and unapproachable. I know nothing about her–I’m saying, no one’s ever told me anything about her. But I sensed the being inside her. I intuited that she was very aware of who she was, of her worth. But she was deeply angered by the price she paid for being different.
She was wounded. I don’t know by what. Something had hurt her. This made me care for her. I wanted to reach out because I knew I would have understood her.”
“Why didn’t you reach out to her?”
I asked. “The circumstances weren’t right. Maybe if I’d met her somewhere else,” he replied.
“Tell me about the person who did this to her, Al,” I said. “Would he have reached out to her had the circumstances ever been right?”
“No.”
“No?”
“The circumstances would never have been right because he is inadequate and knows it,” Hunt said.
His sudden transformation was disconcerting. Now he
was the psychologist. His voice was calmer. He was concentrating very hard, tightly clasping his hands in his lap.
He was saying, “He has a very low opinion of himself and is unable to express feelings in a constructive manner. Attraction turns to obsession, love becomes pathological. When he loves, he has to possess because he feels so insecure and unworthy, is so easily threatened. When his secret love is not returned, he becomes increasingly obsessed. He becomes so fixated his ability to react and function becomes limited. It’s like Frankie hearing the voices. Something else drives him. He no longer has control.”
“Is he intelligent?” I asked.
“Reasonably so.”
“What about education?”
“His problems are such that he isn’t able to function in the capacity he is intellectually capable of.”
“Why her?” I asked him. “Why did he select Beryl Madison?”
“She has freedom, fame, he doesn’t have,” Hunt replied, his eyes glazed. “He thinks he’s attracted to her, but it’s more than that. He wants to possess those qualities he lacks. He wants to possess her in a sense, he wants to be her.”
“Then you’re saying he knew Beryl was a writer?” I asked.
“There is very little you can keep from him. One way or another, he would have found out she’s a writer. He would know so much about her that when she began to pick up on it, she would have felt terribly violated and profoundly afraid.”
“Tell me about that night,” I said. “What happened the night she died, Al?”
“I know only what I’ve read in the papers.”
“What have you pieced together from reading what has been in the papers?”
I asked.
“She was home,” he said, staring off. “And it was getting late in the evening when he appeared at her door. Most likely she let him in. At some point before midnight he left her house and the burglar alarm went off. She was stabbed to death. There was an implication of sexual assault. That’s as much as I’ve read.”