Bring Me the Head of Prince Charming by Roger Zelazny and Robert Sheckley. Part 1

“Don’t call me ‘little girl,’ ” the little girl said. “My name is Brigitte, and I know all about you and your kind. The priest told us. You are an evil spirit, aren’t you?”

“Not at all,” said Azzie. “I am actually a good spirit, or at least a neutral spirit. I was sent here to make sure your father gets well. I must look after him now, then go away and help others.”

“Oh, I see,” said Brigitte. She thought for a while. “You look awfully like a demon.”

“Looks can be deceiving,” Azzie said. “Let me go! I must see to your father!”

“What’ll you give me?” Brigitte asked.

“Toys,” Azzie said. “More than you’ve ever seen before.”

“Good,” the little girl said. “I need new clothes, too.”

“I’ll give you a new wardrobe. Now let me go!”

Brigitte came close and picked at the knot with a grubby forefinger. Then she stopped. “If I let you go, will you come back and play with me whenever I call for you?”

“No, that’s going too far. I have other things to do. I can’t be at the beck and call of a little village girl with a dirty face.”

“Well then, promise you’ll grant me three wishes whenever I ask for them.”

Azzie hesitated. Granting wishes could get you into trou­ble. A demon’s promise in this regard had to be kept. But granting human wishes could take you into some difficulties. Humans were so extravagant!

“I’ll grant one wish,” he said. “As long as it’s reasonable.”

“Well, all right,” Brigitte said. “But not too reasonable, all right?”

“All right! Untie me!”

Brigitte did so. Azzie rubbed his ankle, then searching through his pouch, found a spare charge for his Amulet of Invisibility. He plugged it in and vanished.

“Don’t forget, you promised!” she cried.

Azzie knew he couldn’t forget even if he wanted to. Prom­ises made by supernatural creatures to humans are registered with the Office of Equilibrium, operating under the rule of Ananke. If a demon tried to forget a promise, the forces of Necessity quickly and painfully reminded him.

Scrivener was all right, eating a bowl of cereal, giving orders to his hired hands and to his wife. Azzie exited. It was time to get on with his life.

Chapter 4

It was a pleasure for Azzie to be free and able to roam the green earth once again. He had really hated his stay in the Pit, for its simple-minded repetitiousness as much as anything else-you can get very tired of the dreary daily round of roasting sinners. Azzie was an energetic demon, enterprising, forward-looking. He was an agent of evil, and despite a certain air of frivolousness, he took his hellish duties seriously.

After leaving Scrivener’s village, the first thing he wanted to do was orient himself. This region was not familiar to him. Azzie had visited Earth last during Imperial Roman times and had even been present at one of Caligula’s notable feasts. Now, flying low over the land that had been called Gaul, he was guarded from mishap by his Amulet of Invisibility. The Amulet also conferred a degree of impalpability upon its wearer, which was just as well when he passed through a large flock of trum­peter swans. As he flew Azzie noted the forest stretching out on all sides. The village had been but a patch in that great forest that covered most of Europe and stretched from Scythia to Spain. Azzie found a muddy track running through it and fol­lowed it at an altitude of about five hundred feet. The track stretched on and on, at last opening out into a proper paved Roman road. He accompanied a group of horsemen down the road and into a city of fair size. Later, he learned this was Troyes, a part of the kingdom of the Franks, who were large barbarians with iron swords who had taken over all of Gaul and much more since the decline of Roman power.

Azzie flew low and slow over the city, noting the many small houses and, among them, the palaces of lords and high churchmen. On the outskirts of the town a fair was being held. He flew above its tents and pennants, attracted to its cheerful bustle. He decided to pay it a visit.

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