your brother to keep me alive, and that’s wrong, Py. That’s completely wrong.
You can’t stave off times. I had my years; the young whelp beat me.”
“So it was an off day.”
“I couldn’t come back at him. I didn’t have it, Py. It’s time. It’s age. He’s
got Mahn. It’s the way things work. Do you think you can change that?”
“You didn’t see the sense in another fight. In wasting an estate in back and
forth wrangling. Your brain always outvoted your glands.”
“Maybe that’s why I lost. Maybe that’s why I’m here. Still running.”
“Maybe because you’ve always known it’s nonsense and a waste. What happened to
those talks we used to have? What happened to the husband who used to look at
the stars and ask me where I went, what I’d seen, what outside the world was
like?”
“Outside the world’s the same as in. For me. I can’t get outside the world. They
won’t let me.”
“Who?”
“You know who. You should have seen their faces, Py.”
“Who? The stsho?”
“Ayhar.”
“Those godforsaken drunks?”
“Last thing they expected — me in that bar. That’s what the stsho owner said.
‘Get away from me, get away from my place, don’t go crazy here.’ ”
“Gods rot what they think!”
“So? Did I teach them anything? Stsho didn’t want to serve me in the first
place. And I’d had — well, two. To prove I wouldn’t, you know — go berserk.
And then the riot started. What good’s that going to do you — or Kohan?”
“Kohan can take care of himself.”
“You’re asking too much of him. No, Py, I’m going back downworld when we get
back.”
“To do what?”
“Go to Sanctuary. Do a little hunting.”
“–be the target of every young bully who’s honing up his skills to go assault
his papa, huh?”
“I’m old, Py. It catches up with a man faster. It’s time to admit it.”
“Gods-rotted nonsense! You’ll go back to Anuurn with a ring in your ear, by the
gods you will.”
He gave a smile, taut laugh, ears up. “Good gods, Py. You want my life there to
be short, don’t you?”
“You’re not going downworld.”
“I’ll beg on the docks till I get passage, then.”
“Gods-rotted martyr.”
“Let me go home, Py. Give it up. You can’t change what is. They won’t let you
change. Gods know they won’t let me. Whatever you’re trying, whatever
grandstanding nonsense you’ve gotten into — give it up. Stop now. While there’s
time. I’m not worth it.”
“Good gods. You think the sun swings around you, don’t you? Ever occur to you I
have other business than you? That I do things that don’t have a thing to do
with you?”
“No,” he said, “because you’re desperate. And that’s my fault. Gods, Py–” A
small, strangled breath, a drawing about the mouth. “It’s cost enough.”
“You know,” she said after a moment, “you know what’s kept the System in power?
The young expect to win. Never mind that three quarters of them die. Never mind
that estates get ruined when some young fluffbrain gets in power over those that
know better and tries to prove he’s in charge. The young always believe in
themselves. And the graynoses flat give up, give up when they’ve got the estate
running at its best — They get beaten and it’s downhill again with a new lord
at the helm. All the way downhill. You know other species pass things on, like
mahendo’sat: they train their successors, for the gods’ sakes–”
“They’re not hani. Py, you don’t understand what it feels like. You can’t.”
“Kohan ignored you right well.”
“Sure. Easy. I wasn’t much. He still ignores me. How do you think I’m here?”
“Because I say so. Because Kohan’s too old and too smart to hold his breath till
I give in. And by the gods the next time some whelp comes at him with challenge
we’ll tear the fellow’s ears off. First.”
“Good gods, Py! You can’t do that to him–”
“Keep him alive? You can lay money on it. Me. Rhean. Even his Faha wife. Not to
mention his daughters. Maybe some son, who knows? — someday.”