An indescribable joy possessed me, as if joy were some force that came from outside me. La Catalina and I cavorted, and twisted, and played until I had no more thoughts, or feelings, or human awareness in any degree. Yet, I was definitely aware. My awareness was a vague knowledge that gave me confidence; it was a limitless trust, a physical certainty of my existence, not in the sense of a human feeling of individuality, but in the sense of a presence that was everything.
Then, everything came again into human focus all at once. La Catalina was holding my hand. We were walking on the desert floor among the desert shrubs. I had the immediate and painful realization that the des-ert rocks and hard clumps of dirt were horribly injurious to my bare feet.
We came to a spot clear of vegetation. Don Juan and Genaro were there. I sat down and put on my clothes.
My experience with la Catalina delayed our trip back to the south of Mexico. It had unhinged me in some indescribable way. In my normal state of awareness, I became disassociated. It was as if I had lost a point of reference. I had become despondent. I told don Juan that I had even lost my desire to live.
We were sitting around in the ramada of don Juan’s house. My car was loaded with sacks and we were ready to leave, but my feeling of despair got the best of me and I began to weep.
Don Juan and Genaro laughed until their eyes were tearing. The more desperate I felt, the greater was their enjoyment. Finally, don Juan had me shift into heightened awareness and explained that their laughter was not unkindness on their part, or the result of a weird sense of humor, but the genuine expression of happiness at seeing me advance in the path of knowledge.
“I’ll tell you what the nagual Julian used to say to us when we got to where you are,” don Juan went on. “That way, you’ll know that you’re not alone. What’s happening to you happens to anyone who stores enough energy to catch a glimpse of the unknown.”
He said that the nagual Julian used to tell them that they had been evicted from the homes where they had lived all their lives. A result of having saved energy had been the disruption of their cozy but utterly limit-ing and boring nest in the world of everyday life. Their depression, the nagual Julian told them, was not so much the sadness of having lost their nest, but the annoyance of having to look for new quarters.
“The new quarters,” don Juan went on, “are not as cozy. But they are infinitely more roomy.
“Your eviction notice came in the form of a great depression, a loss of the desire to live, just as it happened to us. When you told us that you didn’t want to live, we couldn’t help laughing.”
“What’s going to happen to me now?” I asked.
“Using the vernacular, you got to get another pad,” don Juan replied.
Don Juan and Genaro again entered into a state of great euphoria. Every one of their statements and remarks made them laugh hysterically.
“It’s all very simple,” don Juan said. “Your new level of energy will create a new spot to house your assemblage point. And the warriors’ dialogue you carry on with us every time we get together will solidify that new position.”
Genaro adopted a serious look and in a booming voice he asked me, “Did you shit today?”
He urged me with a movement of his head to an-swer. “Did you, did you?” he demanded. “Let’s get going with our warriors’ dialogue.”
When their laughter had subsided, Genaro said that I had to be aware of a drawback, the fact that from time to time the assemblage point returns to its original position. He told me that in his own case, the normal position of his assemblage point had forced him to see people as threatening and often terrifying beings. To his utter amazement, one day he realized that he had changed. He was considerably more dar-ing and had successfully dealt with a situation that would have ordinarily thrown him into chaos and fear.
“I found myself making love,” Genaro continued, and he winked at me. “Usually I was afraid to death of women. But one day I found myself in bed with a most ferocious woman, it was so unlike me that when I realized what I was doing I nearly had a heart attack. The jolt made my assemblage point return to its miserable normal position and I had to run out of the house, shaking like a scared rabbit.
“You’d better watch out for the recoil of the assemblage point,” Genaro added, and they were laughing again.
“The position of the assemblage point on man’s co-coon,” don Juan explained, “is maintained by the internal dialogue, and because of that, it is a flimsy position at best. That’s why men and women lose their minds so easily, especially those whose internal dialogue is repetitious, boring, and without any depth.
“The new seers say that the more resilient human beings are those whose internal dialogue is more fluid and varied.”
He said that the position of the warrior’s assemblage point is infinitely stronger, because as soon as the assemblage point begins to move in the cocoon, it creates a dimple in the luminosity, a dimple that houses the assemblage point from then on.
“That’s the reason why we can’t say that warriors lose their minds,” don Juan went on. “If they lose anything, they lose their dimple.”
Don Juan and Genaro found that statement so hilarious that they rolled on the floor laughing.
I asked don Juan to explain my experience with la Catalina. And both of them again howled with laughter.
“Women are definitely more bizarre than men,” don Juan finally said. “The fact that they have an extra opening between their legs makes them fall prey to strange influences. Strange, powerful forces possess them through that opening. That’s the only way I can understand their quirks.”
He kept silent for a while, and I asked what he meant by that.
“La Catalina came to us as a giant worm,” he replied.
Don Juan’s expression when he said that, and Ge-naro’s explosion of laughter, took me into sheer mirth. I laughed until I was nearly sick.
Don Juan said that la Catalina’s skill was so extraordinary that she could do anything she wanted in the realm of the beast. Her unparalleled display had been motivated by her affinity with me. The final result of all that, he said, was that la Catalina pulled my assemblage point with her.
“What did you two do as worms?” Genaro asked and slapped me on the back.
Don Juan seemed to be close to choking with laughter.
“That’s why I’ve said that women are more bizarre than men,” he commented at last.
“I don’t agree with you,” Genaro said to don Juan. “The nagual Julian didn’t have an extra hole between his legs and he was more weird than la Catalina. I believe she learned the worm bit from him. He used to do that to her.”
Don Juan jumped up and down, like a child who is trying to keep from wetting his pants.
When he had regained a measure of calm, don Juan said that the nagual Julian had a knack for creating and exploiting the most bizarre situations. He also said that la Catalina had given me a superb example of the shift below. She had let me see her as the being whose form she had adopted by moving her assemblage point, and she had then helped me move mine to the same position that gave her her monstrous appearance.
“The other teacher that the nagual Julian had,” don Juan went on, “taught him how to get to specific spots in that immensity of the area below. None of us could follow him there, but all the members of his party did, especially la Catalina and the woman seer who taught her.”
Don Juan further said that a shift below entailed a view, not of another world proper, but of our same world of everyday life seen from a different perspective. He added that in order for me to see another world I had to perceive another great band of the Ea-gle’s emanations.
He then brought his explanation to an end. He said that he had no time to elaborate on the subject of the great bands of emanations, because we had to be on our way. I wanted to stay a bit longer and keep on talking, but he argued that he would need a good deal of time to explain that topic and I would need fresh concentration.
10
Great Bands of Emanations
Days later, in his house in southern Mexico, don Juan continued with his explanation. He took me to the big room. It was early evening. The room was in darkness. I wanted to light the gasoline lanterns, but don Juan would not let me. He said that I had to let the sound of his voice move my assemblage point so that it would glow on the emanations of total concentration and total recall.