ONE
Three days after Tammy had pursued Marco Caputo up Sunset Boulevard and into the mysterious arms of Coldheart Canyon was Oscar Night: the Night of Nights, the Show of Shows, when billions of people across the world turned their eyes on Tinseltown and Tinseltown did a pirouette and a curtsey and pretended it was a lady not a five-buck whore.
Todd had known from the start that there was no chance of his attending the ceremony. Though he could now see that his wounded face was indeed healing properly, it was plain that he was in no condition to step into the limelight anytime soon. He had briefly considered hiring one of the great makeup men of the city to disguise the worst of the discoloration, but Maxine quickly dissuaded him. Such a plan would require them to share their secret with somebody else (this in itself was risky: makeup personnel were legendary gossips) and there was always the chance that, however good the cover-up was, the illusion of perfection would be spoiled under the blaze of so many lights. All it required was one lucky photographer to catch a crack in the painted mask, and all their hard work would be undone. The rumor-mill would grind into motion again.
“Anyway,” she reminded him, “You loathe the Oscars.”
This was indeed true. The spectacle of self-congratulation had always sickened him. The ghastly parade of nervous smiles as everyone traipsed into the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, the shrill laughter, the sweaty glances. Then, once everyone was inside, the circus itself. The lame jokes, the gushing speeches, the tears, the ego. There was always a minute or two of choreographed mawkishness, when the Academy carted out some antiquated star and gave them a last chance to flicker. Occasionally, when the taste level plummeted further than usual, the Academy chose some poor soul who’d already been stricken by a stroke or was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. There’d be a selection of clips from the poor victim’s great pictures, then, fumbling and bewildered, he or she would be led out to stand alone on the stage while the audience rose to applaud them, and you could see in their eyes that this was some kind of Hell: to have their finest moments thrown up on a screen — their faces strong and shining — and then have the spotlight show the world what age and disease had done to them.
“You’re right,” he’d said to Maxine. “I don’t want to be there.”
So why, if he truly didn’t want to be there, was he sitting at his bedroom window tonight, staring down the length of the Canyon towards the city, feeling so damn sorry for himself? Why had he started drinking, and drinking hard, at noon, and by two-thirty — when he knew the first limousines were beginning to roll up to the Pavilion — was he in the depths of despair?
Why, he asked himself, would he want to keep company with those hollow, sour people? He’d fought the battle to get to the top of the Hollywood Hill long ago, and he’d won it. He’d had his face plastered up on ten thousand billboards across America, across the world. He’d been called the Handsomest Man in the World, and believed it. He’d walked into rooms the size of football fields and known that every eye was turned in his direction, and every heart beat a little faster because he’d appeared. Just how much more adulation did a man need?
The truth?
Another hundred rooms, filled with people stupefied by worship would not be enough to satisfy the hunger in him; nor another hundred hundred. He needed his face plastered on every wall he passed, his movies lauded to the skies, his arms so filled with Oscars he couldn’t hold them all.
It was a sickness in him, but what was he to do? There was no cure for this emptiness but love; love in boundless amounts; the kind of love God Himself would be hard-pressed to deliver.
As the cloudless sky darkened towards night he started to pick out the Klieg lights raking the clouds: not from the Pavilion itself (that lay to the west, and was not visible from the Canyon), but from the many locations around the city where his peers, both prize-winners and losers, would in a few hours come to revel. Members of the press were already assembling at these sacred sites — Morton’s, Spago’s, the Roosevelt Hotel — ready to turn their cameras on the slick and the stylishly unkempt alike. A smile, a witticism, a look of glee from those burdened with victory. They’d have it all in the morning editions.