1/23/62: 121 pounds. “I look too heavy; yet everyone calls me beautiful.” 2/1/62: 117 pounds. “Everyone noticed my weight loss.” 2/5/62: 125 pounds. “Stayed in bed. Ate. Feel so draggy & tired.” 2/15/62: 121 pounds. “Took pills.” “Looked gorgeous.” 2/16/62: “Woke up very dopey (after 3 sleeping pills). Groggy.” 2/19/62: “Slept late,” “Bought ‘Leen’ tablets.”
The Berg Show was cancelled. Karyn went on unemployment. Kup and Essee sent her money. Her grandmother moved back to Chicago.
3/22/62: 123 pounds. “Got to lose at least io lbs. by April 8! Only 17 days.”
3/29/62:
“I’m beginning to discover who I am! My convictions & ‘image’ are getting clearer. I know I’m happiest following the pattern of sophistication, than one of girlish appeal.”
Karyn got a guest shot on The Red Skelton Show. Skelton to Karyn, 4/2/62: “3 people said you were prettier than Liz Taylor.”
More auditions. More pills. More brunches, lunches, and dinners.
Two brief love affairs. Summer stock in Chicago–Sunday in New York. The Annie Sullivan role in The Miracle Worker at the Laguna Beach Playhouse. Good reviews and a run below 115.
10/1/62:
“Woke up feeling slightly nauseous & groggy. Hallucinations, inferiority complex, aching limbs, stiff neck, (surely liver damage) resulted from pills.”
10/8/62: “Cried myself to sleep.” 10/9 to I 1/10/62: doodles and incomplete notations. 11/11/62: “Continuous hysteria. Deepest depression ever.” 1 2/3/62: “Wide Country–6:00 A.M. call (location).” 12/4/62: “Andy Prine–doll!” 12/6/62: 105 pounds. “Andy. ‘Raincheck.” I 2/9/62: “Andy.” 12/1 1/62: “Andy.” 12/12/62: “Look thin.” 12/13/62: “Andy.” 12/i8, 19, 20, 21, 22: “Andy”–and no other notations.
Karyn flew to Chicago for Christmas. 12/28, 12/31 and 1/1/63: “Andy called–‘I love you.”
It was all Andy now.
1/17/63: “Met Andy for lunch. He was attentive.” “Wide Country–Andy was brilliant, I was an EXTRA. Felt depressed.” 1/20/63: “Andy–aloof.” 2/5/63: “Tense & anxious over Andy’s attitude.” 2/11/63: “Me tense, blurred vision. To Dr. Getzoff (pills) with Andy.” 2/19/63: “Must maintain my own identity; not become his door-mat. So useless.”
3/25/63: “Andy picked me up 5:3o. Lovely love–ate at DuPar’s–Back & lovely love.” 4/ 9/6 3: “Eating much too much.” 4/11/63: “I love Andy Prine.” 5/21/63: “12 P.M.–Dr. Kroger. Gave me weight capsules. Finally get a ‘lift.’ Appetite’s inhibited.” 5/30/63: “Andy distant–me terribly possessive and weak.”
Karyn tanked auditions. Karyn shopped and ate and saw shrinks.
6/21/63:
“At his house; found out about Cheryl H. & B. Scott. Awful! ‘I don’t want to see you tonight either.’ I went over. Got in. Came back later–HYSTERICS.”
6/27/63: “Getting my self-respect back. I’m stronger.” 6/30/63: “Oh Andy, lovely, lovely.” 7/1/63: 134 pounds. “Beginning today–I starve!” “Dr. Krohn prescribed Desoxyn.” 7/8/63: 124 pounds. “Dr. Krohn, 1:30 p.M. (Figure’s looking better.) Andy: ‘It excites me to hurt U a little.”
Karyn learned she was pregnant. Mark and Marcia took her down to Tj. 7/9/6 3: “Like a nightmare. This can’t be happening to me.” 7/10/63: “Oh God–I don’t know what to do. Called Dr. Estrada (call back after noon).”
7/11/63: “Called Dr. Estrada again. Getting used to the idea.” Karyn got an abortion on 7/12/63. “Traumatic. Glad it’s over. Relief after nightmare.” She returned to L.A. “Andy considerate & attentive.” “Knots, gas–like cramps. Andy made soup.”
7/25/63: “I’m so happy. How long can it last?” 7/30/63: “Andy with Anna. Me watched from hedge. Awful. Nightmares.”
Karyn stopped auditioning. Karyn cut down her social contacts. 8/15/63: “I must not be possessivesweet.”
8/17/63:
“Really MAD at the Son of a Bitch. For the first time, I really dislike Andy. He shows no consideration or understanding & he humiliates me.” 8/18/63: “How dare he not make one concession or show any feelings?”
8/20/63: “So humiliated by Andy’s lack of interest.” 8/27/63: “Feel like I’m about to explode!” 8/28/63: “Eating too much!”
Karyn stepped up her social contacts. Karyn moved to the Monterey Village Apartments. A heat wave scorched L.A. Karyn got a shot on Perry Mason.
10/29/63:
“Andy acting ugly. Complete indifference. Scene at his house. I’m hysterical.”
11/1/63: “No Andy–spyed on him.” 11/2/63: “Went to his house–selfish, independent, inconsiderate & thoughtless. Never gives & unpenetrable.” 11/4/63: “I hid in attic; then sat outside in cold for 2 or 3 hours. Wish I were dead.” 1 1/8/63: “Dr. Kroger– cried in his office.” 11/9/63: “Eating all day & night.” 11/10/63: “Can’t stand it–I’m losing reality.” 11/11/63: “Call Andy–sex.” 11/15/63: “2:00 P.M.–Kroger. Happy & up. Wore pink skirt– Admiring looks.”