Francesca nodded solemnly. “Yes. I felt his presence often over the centuries, and I must confess I buried myself deep within the earth to hide from him. I was afraid of you finding me. I had lived alone so long doing whatever pleased me, and I no longer wanted a male in my life.” She did not tell him that she had been afraid he might reject her again and she couldn’t have borne it a second time.
“Francesca, Francesca,” Gabriel murmured softly, “what a little liar you have become. What is the good doctor if not a man? Why would you want the taste of love from one such as he?”
She pulled her hand away from him, cutting him off from her soothing touch. Her face was averted, the curtain of hair concealing her expression from him. “That just happened unexpectedly.”
“You have lived with humans so long, sweetheart,” he said softly, gently, “you have forgotten what it is like among our people, among lifemates, males and females. I am a shadow in your mind, in your thoughts. You can tell an untruth to Brice, but never to me. You have lived as a human and do not want to extend your own feelings be- yond their capabilities. You are afraid of the intensity of Carpathian emotions. I hurt you, Francesca, and you do not ever want to experience such pain again.”
She pushed at her long, wild hair and her hand was trembling, betraying her, even as she shrugged her shoulders with studied casualness. “I don’t know if you’re right. I certainly never blamed you. I was hurt at first, I was only a child, but I always understood the well-being of our race was far more important than the happiness of one person.”
He caught her shoulders, bringing her to an abrupt halt, the controlled violence in his grip setting her heart pounding. He had enormous strength. “Never think that I had a noble purpose in leaving you behind, Francesca. If I had known of your existence, I would never have left. I am far more selfish than you can imagine, because you are not. I would never have given you up then, any more than I intend to now. You are the only person who is important to me. I saw the memory of that day so long ago in your mind. I was striding through a village, as I had gone through so many other villages. I felt something unusual, but my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of war. I glanced back, I saw women, but did not really see them. The faces of women and children haunted me, I could never look directly at them. I turned away as my brother spoke. Had I seen you, our lives would have been very different. I have a duty to perform, but I would have forsaken it back then. I would have allowed Lucian to hunt alone.”
She studied his face for a long moment; then a slow smile curved her soft mouth and she shook her head. “No, you would have willingly sacrificed your happiness for the good of our people.”
“But not yours. You still do not understand. I would not have sacrificed yours. I would never have allowed you to be so unhappy. I hate myself for what you have gone through to survive alone, feeling so rejected and unwanted.”
“That was the child, Gabriel, not the woman. My life has had purpose and meaning. Because I am tired does not mean I did not enjoy the years I had. I lived well and made my life count as best I could. I had experiences other women of our race could never have. I have been independent and loved it. Yes, I missed having a family, but I had other things to occupy me. It was not a terrible life. And I always had a choice. I could have revealed myself to you again. I could have sought the dawn. I could even have chosen to go back to my homeland where at least the soil and the company of our people would have given me solace. I did not choose to do so. And it was strictly my choice, not yours. I am a woman of power, not a child creeping and hiding in the shadows. All I did, I did of my own will. I’m not a victim, Gabriel. Please do not attempt to make me out to be one.”