They wondered about human nature, human passions, human hopes and fears, the struggles, triumphs and defeats, the cares and joys and sorrows, the lives and deaths, of common men and women! They sometimes, after fifteen hours’ work, sat down to read mere fables about men and women, more or less like themselves, and about children, more or less like their own. They took DeFoe to their bosoms, instead of Euclid, and seemed to be on the whole more comforted by Goldsmith than by Cocker. Mr. Gradgrind was for ever working, in print and out of print, at this eccentric sum, and he never could make out how it yielded this unaccountable product.
“I am sick of my life, Loo. I hate it altogether, and I hate everybody except you,” said the unnatural young Thomas Gradgrind in the hair-cutting chamber at twilight.
“You don’t hate Sissy, Tom?”
“I hate to be obliged to call her Jupe. And she hates me,” said Tom moodily.
“No she does not, Tom, I am sure.”
“She must,” said Tom. “She must just hate and detest the whole set-out of us. They’ll bother her head off, I think, before they have done with her. Already she’s getting as pale as wax, and as heavy as – I am.”
Young Thomas expressed these sentiments sitting astride of a chair before the fire, with his arms on the back, and his sulky face on his arms. His sister sat in the darker corner by the fireside, now looking at him, now looking at the bright sparks as they dropped upon the hearth.
“As to me,” said Tom, tumbling his hair all manner of ways with his sulky hands, “I am a Donkey, that’s what I am. I am as obstinate as one, I am more stupid than one, I get as much pleasure as one, and I should like to kick like one.”
“Not me, I hope, Tom?”
“No, Loo; I wouldn’t hurt you. I made an exception of you at first. I don’t know what this – jolly old – Jaundiced Jail,” Tom had paused to find a sufficiently complimentary and expressive name for the parental roof, and seemed to relieve his mind for a moment by the strong alliteration of this one “would be without you.”
“Indeed, Tom? Do you really and truly say so?”
“Why, of course I do. What’s the use of talking about it!” returned Tom, chafing his face on his coatsleeve, as if to mortify his flesh, and have it in unison with his spirit.
“Because, Tom,” said his sister, after silently watching the sparks a while, “as I get older, and nearer growing up, I often sit wondering here, and think how unfortunate it is for me that I can’t reconcile you to home better than I am able to do. I don’t know what other girls know. I can’t play to you, or sing to you. I can’t talk to you so as to lighten your mind, for I never see any amusing sights or read any amusing books that it would be a pleasure or relief to you to talk about, when you are tired.”
“Well, no more do I. I am as bad as you in that respect; and I am a Mule too, which you’re not. If father was determined to make me either a Prig or a Mule, and I am not a Prig, why, it stands to reason, I must be a Mule. And so I am,” said Tom, desperately.
“It’s a great pity,” said Louisa, after another pause, and speaking thoughtfully out of her dark corner; it’s a great pity, Tom. It’s very unfortunate for both of us.”
“Oh! You,” said Tom; “you are a girl, Lou, and a girl comes out of it better than a boy does. I don’t miss anything in you. You are the only pleasure I have – you can brighten even this place – and you can always lead me as you like.”
“You are a dear brother, Tom; and while you think I can do such things, I don’t so much mind knowing better. Though I do know better, Tom, and am very sorry for it.” She came and kissed him, and went back into a corner again.