‘Was. That’s the word, isn’t it? Was. I could never talk to her, you know. Didn’t understand much of what she said. It all flew over my head. I didn’t care, Balli. I was just happy to be with her. To … love her. I think all she needed from me was my body.’ He laughed nervously and looked round to see if anyone was listening, but the two other drinkers in the tavern were sitting by the fire, talking in low tones. ‘That’s what she told me,’ he continued.’ “Bernt,” she said, “this is your only skill.” She said I took away all her tension. She was wrong, though, Balli. It’s not my only skill. I was there for her. She couldn’t see that. I don’t know what I’m going to do!’
‘There are other women,’ said Ballistar softly. ‘You are a good young man, strong, honest. You have a great deal to offer.’
‘I don’t want anyone else, Balli. I don’t. All my waking moments are rilled with thoughts of her. And when I sleep I dream of her. I never asked for anything, you know. I never … made demands. She didn’t ever let me sleep in the bed, you know… afterwards. I always had to go home. It didn’t matter what the weather was like. Once I even went home in a blizzard. Got lost, almost died. Almost died …’ His voice faded away, and he bit his lip. ‘She didn’t care, not really. I always thought that I would, sort of grow on her. That she would realize I was … important. But I’m not important, am I? I’m just a cattle-herder.’
The dwarf shifted uneasily. ‘As I said, Bernt, you should give her a little time. I know she likes you.’
‘Has she spoken of me?’ asked the young man, his eyes eager, his ears hungry for words of encouragement.
Ballistar looked away. ‘I can tell, that’s all. She’s still angry, but underneath .. . just give it time.’
‘She didn’t say anything, did she, Balli? Except maybe that I was a fool.’
‘She’s still angry. Go home. Get something to eat.’
The young man smiled suddenly. ‘Will you do something for me, Balli? Will you?’
‘Of course,’ answered the dwarf.
‘Will you go to her and ask her to meet me at the old oak grove tonight, an hour after dark?’
‘She won’t come – you know that! And she doesn’t keep clock candles, she has no use for them.’
‘Well, soon after dusk then. But will you ask her? Tell her that it is so important to me. Even if she only conies to say goodbye. Will you tell her that? Will you? Tell her I have never asked for anything save this one time.’
‘I’ll go to her, Bernt. But you are only building up more pain for yourself.’
‘Thank you, Balli. I’ll take your advice now. I’ll go home and eat.’
The young man levered himself up, staggered, grinned inanely and lurched from the tavern. Ballistar clambered down from the table and followed him.
It was a long walk on tiny legs to Sigarni’s cabin, more than two hours. And it was such a waste, thought Ballistar.
The afternoon was warm, but a gentle breeze was blowing over High Druin as the dwarf ambled on. He walked for an hour, then sat for a while on a hillside resting his tired legs. In the distance he could see a walker heading off towards the higher hills. The man wore a leaf-green cloak and carried a long staff; Ballistar squinted, but could not reconize him. He was heading towards Gwalch’s cabin. Ballistar chuckled. He wouldn’t be walking that straight when he left!
Rising once more, he set off down the slope and along the deer trails to Sigarni’s cabin. He found her sitting by the front door, cutting new flying jesses from strips of leather. Lady was nowhere to be seen, but Abby was sitting on her bow perch. She flapped her wings and pranced as she saw Ballistar. The dwarf gave a low bow to the bird. ‘It is good to see you as well, Abby.’
‘Just in time,’ said Sigarni. ‘You can make some herb tea. Somehow I never make it taste as good as yours.’