Or, in Penny Sanderson’s case: ‘Penny, I think I can bring you back. But if I get the mixture wrong it could be that you’ll not be as lovely as you were. I mean, your skin and features could be imperfect, or blemished, or pocked . . . hideously. For example, some of the things I called up in the Castle Ferenczy were quite monstrous; there were depletions, inconsistencies, er, anomalies? Wherefore I reserve the right to erase you if things go wrong. But of course we’ll always be able to try again, later, when with a bit of luck I’ll get it right.’
No, he couldn’t tell them what he had in mind, not yet. If he gave them the bare bones of the matter they’d require him to flesh it out, and if he elaborated they’d fret about every smallest detail. And from now until the actual – resurrection? – they’d mix anticipation with dread, alternating shivers of excitement with shudders of terror most extreme. They’d climb high mountains of hope, only to tumble back into black lakes of deepest despair and depression.
‘I have a shot which may cure your cancer . . . but it just might give you AIDS.’
That was how it would feel to Harry, if the roles were reversed; but at the same time he knew that of course it wasn’t like that: when you’re dead you’re beyond hope, and so any hope has to be better than none. Or does it? Or was that simply the vampire in him – tenacity aspiring to immortality – doing his thinking for him?
Or … perhaps he hesitated for another, far more elemental reason: something which warned him that with his small talents (small, yes, in the scale of a universe or parallel multiverses) he must not, dare not, usurp one of the Greater Talents of that Other whom men called God? History’s necromancers, among which Janos had been a latecomer, had dared it, and where were they now? Had there been avenging angels before Harry, to put right the wrongs of these wizards? And if so, would there be one after him, to chastise him in his turn?
Harry had been the Necroscope, was becoming a vampire, and now would be a necromancer in his own right. How dare he seek out Penny’s murderer to punish him on the one hand, and on the other pursue the practice of that same black art? What would be his punishment?
Perhaps the gears were already engaged, the wheels even now turning. Perhaps the Necroscope had already gone too far, disturbing the delicate balance between Good and Evil to such an extent that it now required radical readjustment. Had he simply become too powerful, which is to say corrupt? How did the old saying go: ‘Absolute power corrupts absolutely’? Ridiculous! Was God Himself corrupt? No, for the maxims of men are like their laws: they apply only to men.
Such arguments were endless in the metamorphosis of the Necroscope’s mind and body, until sometimes he thought he was mad. But when his thoughts were clear he knew that he was not mad; it was just the thing that was in him, altering his perceptions along with everything else.
And then he would remember how he used to be, determine that he must always be that way, and know that he hesitated only out of consideration for his friends among the dead. It was simply that he didn’t want Trevor and Penny to suffer agonies of protracted uncertainty, only to let them down when the waiting was over. To die once is enough, as had been made perfectly plain by Janos’s many Thracian thralls in the bowels of the Castle Ferenczy.
As for God: if there was such a One (and Harry had never been sure) then the Necroscope supposed he must consider his talents God-given and use them accordingly. While he could.
Harry had spent a good deal of his time arguing, not least with himself. If a subject took his fancy – almost any subject – he would play word-games with himself to the point of distraction and delirium: a sort of mental masturbation. But it wasn’t just himself he was jerking off; in conversations with the dead he was equally argumentative, even when he suspected that they were right and he was wrong.