Tibor said, “You recognize me?”
“Yes,” the bird said, hopping down to a lower, sturdier branch. “You are McMasters Tibor.”
“Backwards,” Tibor said. “Tibor is my first name; McMasters my second. Just turn it around.”
“All right,” the bird agreed. “You are on a Pilg, searching for the God of Wrath, so you can paint his likeness. A noble errand, Mr. Tibor.”
“McMasters,” Tibor said.
“Yes,” the bird agreed. “Anything you say. Ask me if I know where you can find him.”
“You know where he is?” Tibor said, and within his chest his heart labored once more, a fierce cold pressure that injured him by its presence. The idea of finding the Deus Irae paralyzed him, now; it seemed to be an actual presence, not a potential one.
“I know,” the bird said calmly. “It is not far from here; I can easily lead you there, if you wish.”
TEN
“I — don’t know,” Tibor McMasters said. “I’ll have to –” He became silent, pondering. Maybe I should turn back, he thought. In fact maybe I’ve already gone too far. There have been several attempts to kill me. . . maybe I should heed the hints. Maybe reality is trying to tell me something. “Wait,” he said, still pondering to himself. Still not answering the bird.
“Let me tell you a little more,” the bird said. “There is someone following you. Pete, his name is.”
“Still?” Tibor said. He did not feel surprise, only a dull sense of alarm. “Why?” he demanded. “What for?”
“I can’t determine that,” the bird said, thoughtfully. “You will find out presently, I would think. In any case he means you no harm, as the expression goes. How goes it with you, Mr. Tibor? Can you tell me now?”
Tibor said, “Can you tell me what will happen if I come across the God of Wrath? Will he kill me, or anyhow try to kill me?”
“He will not know at first who you are or why you have found him,” the bird declared. “Take it from me, Mr. Tibor; he no longer believes that — how shall I say it? That anyone malignly oriented is still on his trail. Too many years have gone by.”
“I suppose so,” Tibor said. He took a deep, shuddering breath, to fortify himself. “Where is he?” he said aloud. “Take me in that direction, but very slowly.”
“A hundred miles north of here,” the bird said. “You will either find him or someone who looks like him. . . I’m not sure which it is.”
“Why can’t you tell?” Tibor asked. “I thought you’d know everything.” The bird’s poor mentality depressed him. I have sipped on the worm’s slime, he thought, and I have escaped from a series of dangers, and what did I get out of it? Almost nothing, he realized. A bird that partially talks. . . that partially knows something.
Like myself, he thought. We each know a little. Maybe if I can add what this bird knows to what I know. . . sui generis. I can try.
“How does he look?” he asked the bird.
“Pretty bad,” the bird answered.
“How?”
The bird said, “He has bad breath. His teeth are missing and yellow. He is stoop-shouldered and he is old and fat. Thus must you draw your mural.”
“I see,” Tibor said. Well, so it went. The God of Wrath was as much a prey to mortal decline as anyone else. All at once he had become all too human. And how would that help the mural?
“Is there nothing exalted about him?” Tibor asked.
“Maybe I have the wrong man,” the bird said. “No, there is nothing exalted about him. Sorry to say.”
“Christ,” Tibor said bitterly.
“As I say,” the bird said, “I may well have the wrong man. I suggest you take a long close look at him, yourself, and rely on what you determine, not on what I’ve said either way.”
“Maybe so,” Tibor murmured. He still felt depressed. Too much plucked at him, and too much lay ahead. Better to turn around and go back, he decided. To get out of this while he still could. He had been lucky. But perhaps his luck had drained away; after all, he could not continue testing it forever.
“You think your luck has run out?” the bird said perceptively. “I can assure you it hasn’t; that’s one thing I do know. You will be all right; trust me.”
“How can I trust you if you don’t even know it’s him?”
“Hmm,” the bird said, nodding. “I see what you mean. But I still stick with what I say: your luck has not run out, not at all. Give me credit for knowing that, at least.”
“What kind of bird are you?” Tibor asked.
“A blue jay.”
“Are blue jays generally reliable?”
“Very much so,” the bird said. “By and large.”
Tibor said, “Are you the exception that proves the rule?”
“No.” The bird hopped from its perch and came swooping down to land on Tibor’s shoulder. “Consider this,” the bird said. “Who else can you depend on if you can’t — or don’t — depend on me? I have waited many years for you to appear; I knew a long time ago that you would be coming this way, and when I heard your hymns I found myself overcome by joy. That was why you heard me, then, caroling your happy songs. I especially like the Old One Hundred; in point of fact that’s my favorite. So don’t you think you can trust me?”
“Quite certainly a bird that sings hymns should be trusted,” Tibor decided aloud.
“And I am that bird.” The jay fluttered up into the air, with impatience visible in every trembling feather. What a beautiful large blue and white bird, Tibor thought to himself as he watched it ascend. I’m positive I can trust it, and there is no real alternative. Perhaps I will have to go many places, see many men who are not the Deus Irae, before I find the overwhelming, the authentic, one. Such is a Pilg.
“But I can’t follow you,” Tibor pointed out. “Because of my dry wheel bearing. I doubt if the mucus –”
“It works very well,” the bird said. “You’ll be able to follow me.” It hopped off and disappeared into a nearby tree. “Come on!”
Tibor started his cart into motion; he nudged the patient cow and off he and the cow went, rumbling north.
Blue sky and long-shafted warm sunlight spilled down on them as they progressed. Evidently, in the light of day many of the more unusual lifeforms preferred to remain hidden; Tibor found himself encountering no one, and somehow this distressed him more than the parade of sports and freaks and chardins which he found himself facing during the nocturnal hours. But, he thought, anyhow I can see the bird clearly. Which was essential. This higher-stage entity: it was his lodestar, now.
“Nobody lives along this way?” he asked as the cow paused for a moment of cropping the tall reddish weeds.
“They just wish to survive in deserved anonymity,” the bird said.
“Are they that dreadful?”
“Yes,” the bird said. It added, “To conventional eyes.”
“Worse than runners and lizards and bugs?”
“Even worse.” The bird did not seem to be afraid: it hopped and skipped about on the leaf-soaked ground, finding bits of nut here and there to gorge itself as well as possible. “There’s one,” the bird said, “that –”
“Don’t tell me,” Tibor said.
“Well, you asked.”
“I asked,” Tibor said, “but I didn’t want or expect an answer.” He flicked the cow and, once more, the big animal lurched forward to continue their journey. Pleased, the bird spun upward into the dark blue sky; it fluttered off, and the cow, as if understanding their relationship to the bird, followed.
“Is he evil-looking?” Tibor asked the bird.
“The God of Wrath?” The bird dropped like a stone, landing on one edge of Tiber’s cart. “He is — how shall I say it? Not ordinary-looking; yes, one could say that. Not ordinary-looking in any respect. A large man, but, as I said, a man with bad breath. A powerfully built man but stooped by neurotic cares. An elderly man, but –”
“And you’re not even sure it’s him.”
“Reasonably sure,” the bird said, unruffled.
Tibor said, “He lives in a human settlement?”
“Right!” the bird said, pleased. “With about sixty other men and women. . . none of whom know who he is.”
“How did he make himself known to you?” Tibor said. “How did you recognize him if they couldn’t? Is there a stigma of any sort?” He hoped there was; it would make the painting that much easier, once he had painted the stigma in.
“Just the stigma of death and despair,” the bird declared carelessly as it tripped about here and there. “It’s profound, as you will see when we get there.”