Edward nodded, but Cassie sensed he was not really attending her words. He turned suddenly, his voice harsh with anger.
“How could that bastard have forced you to live with him all this time?”
“Because he always believed that I would change.” At least he hadn’t asked her if the earl had forced himself upon her all those months. She did not know if she could lie to him.
Edward’s hand foolishly went to his side, but his saber was on the table and the earl was in Genoa. He looked again at Cassie’s face and saw a lone tear streaking down her cheek.
He felt stricken with remorse at his own fury. She needed him as she never had before in their lives. He clasped her arms and drew her to her feet. “Oh, God, Cass, please do not cry.” He nuzzled his cheek against hers and stroked his hands down her back. “It is all right now, my love. I will help you to forget, I promise you. All of it will pass like a bad dream, you will see.”
She sobbed quietly, her tension easing at his gentleness. But she knew it would not pass like a dream.
He spoke quietly, sensing her pain. “I will make it up to you, Cass. We will wed and return together to England. Believe me, I have no wish to remain here now.” He thought of Jenny and felt a shock of guilt that made him go numb. “Oh, God,” he whispered. He gazed down at the beautiful girl he had cherished most of his life. She had miraculously been returned to him. “All can be as it was, Cass,” he said.
“Yes,” she said slowly, sniffing back the tears, “all must be as it was.” Cassie pulled away from him, fighting to get hold of herself. She gave him a tentative, watery smile. “And now, Edward, you must tell me of yourself. I have thought about you much, you know, and what you were doing and feeling.”
His eyes darkened in remembered grief. “I could not stay after I believed you dead. I received a letter from the ministry in London, asking me if I would consider resuming my command. It did not matter to me that I was to join General Howe here in the colonies.” He paused, remembering bloody battles against men ill-trained and poorly armed, but desperate to win. He had been a formidable enemy, for he had not cared whether he was felled by a rebel bullet. His men had followed him without question, not knowing that he gave not a damn for his own life. He was lucky to be alive. But he would not tell Cassie of that, just as he would not tell her about Jennifer Lacy.
“I have received letters from Eliott, not with any regularity, of course, but enough to know he is well.”
“I read in one of Becky Petersham’s letters to the earl that Eliott is planning to marry Eliza Pennworthy.”
Edward smiled faintly. “Eliott has written nothing about that.” He was silent for a moment. Suddenly, anguished memories wrenched words from his lips. “God, Cassie, you cannot imagine what it was like, the days searching for you, the nights, alone, cursing the wretched sea. And there was nothing, simply nothing I could do.” He caught himself, and turned away from her, to stride angrily about the room. “I swear that I will kill him for you, Cass. He does not deserve to live, after all that he has done.”
“It is likely, Edward, that we will never again see the Earl of Clare. If he does, sometime in the future, return to England, you must promise me that you’ll not do anything rash.” She lowered her eyes from his face, unwilling to let him see her despair at the thought that she might never again see the earl. She remembered the Contessa Giusti and her hands curled into fists in her lap.
“I can well take care of myself, Cass,” Edward said. “And you as well, now.”
Edward, her protector, her knight throughout her growing up years. She smiled, reminded of the many little things that bound them together.