“What happened?”
“So very much.” The words were wrenched out of her, leaving her naked to herself. Cassie was trembling. She said brokenly, her hands covering her face, “Oh God, what is to be done? I was such a coward, such a blind fool. Are there never choices? Must we always follow stupid, meaningless dictums without regard to our feelings?”
“I wish that you were a bitch,” Jenny said. “It is I who am the bitch, selfish and thoughtless. It is just that I want Edward so very much.”
“You are very different from Edward.”
“Perhaps. Edward is gentle and very kind. But there is a streak of iron strength in him. I will never love another man as I love him.”
And I will never love another man as I love the earl.
Cassie rose slowly. “Edward will be back shortly, Miss Lacy. You must give me time to think.”
“It is all that I ask.”
“Good-bye, Miss Lacy.” Cassie took a white shapely hand into hers.
“Oh, incidentally,” Cassie said, halting Jenny in the open doorway, “do you particularly like to sail?”
Jenny looked taken aback. “Sail? No, not particularly. If you would know the truth, I have always preferred being the passenger, and not the one doing the work.”
“That is good,” Cassie said, a smile lighting her eyes.
Cassie wondered, as she wandered back into the sitting room, what Eliott would say when his sister arrived on his doorstep, unwed and her belly large with child.
Chapter 26
Although the yellow dimity curtains were drawn tight across the windows, the bedchamber was still uncomfortably cool as the early afternoon sun tried to break through the overcast.
Cassie lay on her side, her knees drawn up to her belly, clad only in her light muslin shift. The small luncheon she had managed to eat had not settled well, and now she felt drained and weak in the aftermath of having been ill. She moved her hand over her still flat belly, wondering if her violent retching could in any way harm the small babe in her womb. She remembered the many mornings the previous fall when she had returned to bed, pale and trembling, and the earl had gathered her in his arms and stroked her gently until her stomach had righted itself. Although she did not wish it, tears welled up in Cassie’s eyes and a soft, broken sob broke from her throat. She had never felt so alone and uncertain in her life. And she was still so far from her home. Over and over again, she thought about what she felt, about what she wondered if she had known even before Jennifer Lacy’s unexpected visit. She would not marry Edward, no matter her unborn child.
She thought of the man she loved, now a world away from her. It had been she who had allowed unreasoning anger and willful pride to destroy the bond that had grown between them. Even last fall when she had agreed to wed him, there would have been love between them. She knew, with helpless fury at herself, that she would have come to return the love he felt for her. If only he had allowed her freedom, allowed her to make her own choices. If only he had told her about Becky Petersham.
Cassie was locked so deeply into herself that she did not hear the outward door open and close. She felt a light hand upon her shoulder.
“Cass.”
She tried to sniff back her tears. She turned over on her back and gazed up at Edward. She remembered vividly how she had loved his face, had memorized its every plane and contour. A wan smile touched her lips, and she sniffed yet again.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes, ’twas just a bout of nausea. Mrs. Beatty’s luncheon was not to the child’s liking.” She saw his hazel eyes flit quickly to her belly, and he made his face impassive. She wished she had remained silent.
“You are looking dashing, sir,” she said, hoping to set his thoughts in another direction. “Did you see General Howe?”
“Aye, I saw him, and also General Clinton—with John Andre’s help.”
“Ah yes, Major Andre. A man, I think, who dearly loves the ladies.”