Ford frowned. `Really?’ he said.
`And bits of rag.’
Ford thought.
`Oh,’ he said. `Is this near where your ship crashed?’
`Yes,’ said Arthur. He said it a little tightly.
`That’s probably it. Can happen. Ship’s cabin robots get destroyed. The cyberminds that control them survive and start infesting the local wildlife. Can turn a whole ecosystem into some kind of helpless thrashing service industry, handing out hot towels and drinks to passers-by. Should be a law against it. Probably is. Probably also a law against there being a law against it so every- body can get nice and worked up. Hey ho. What did you say?’
`I said, and the woman is my daughter.’
Ford stopped rubbing his head.
`Say that one more time.’
`I said,’ said Arthur huffily, `the woman is my daughter.’
`I didn’t know,’ said Ford, `that you had a daughter.’
`Well, there’s probably a lot you don’t know about me,’ said Arthur. `Come to mention it, there’s probably a lot I don’t know about me either.’
`Well, well, well. When did this happen then?’
`I’m not quite sure.’
`That sounds like more familiar territory,’ said Ford. `Is there a mother involved?’
`Trillian.’
`Trillian? I didn’t think that…’
`No. Look, it’s a bit embarrassing.’
`I remember she told me once she had a kid but only, sort of, in passing. I’m in touch with her from time to time. Never seen her with the kid.’
Arthur said nothing.
Ford started to feel the side of his head again in some bemusement.
`Are you sure this was your daughter?’ he said.
`Tell me what happened.’
`Phroo. Long story. I was coming to pick up this parcel I’d sent to myself here care of you…’
`Well, what was that all about?’
`I think it may be something unimaginably dangerous.’
`And you sent it to me?’ protested Arthur.
`Safest place I could think of. I thought I could rely on you to be absolutely boring and not open it. Anyway, coming in at night I couldn’t find this village place. I was going by pretty basic information. I couldn’t find any signal of any kind. I guess you don’t have signals and stuff here.’
`That’s what I like about it.’
`Then I did pick up a faint signal from your old copy of the Guide, so I homed in on that, thinking that would take me to you. I found I’d landed in some kind of wood. Couldn’t figure out what was going on. I get out, and then see this woman standing there. I go up to say hello, then suddenly I see that she’s got this thing!’
`What thing?’
`The thing I sent you! The new Guide! The bird thing! You were meant to keep it safe, you idiot, but this woman had the thing right there by her shoulder. I ran forward and she hit me with a rock.’
`I see,’ said Arthur. `What did you do?’
`Well, I fell over of course. I was very badly hurt. She and the bird started to make off towards my ship. And when I say my ship, I mean an RW6.’
`A what?’
`An RW6 for Zark’s sake. I’ve got this great relationship going now between my credit card and the Guide’s central computer. You would not believe that ship, Arthur, it’s…’
`So an RW6 is a spaceship, then?’
`Yes! It’s – oh never mind. Look, just get some kind of grip will you, Arthur? Or at least get some kind of catalogue. At this point I was very worried. And, I think, semi-concussed. I was down on my knees and bleeding profusely, so I did the only thing I could think of, which was to beg. I said, please for Zark’s sake don’t take my ship. And don’t leave me stranded in the middle of some primitive zarking forest with no medical help and a head injury. I could be in serious trouble and so could she.’
`What did she say?’
`She hit me on the head with the rock again.’
`I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.’
`Sweet kid.’
`You have to get to know her,’ said Arthur.
`She eases up does she?’
`No,’ said Arthur, `but you get a better sense of when to duck.’