“Certes I must,” Fafhrd agreed with great emphasis and conviction. “I’d be an idiot taking on the Guild. Of course, if they should catch me, .they’d kill me in any case for freelancing and highjacking. But wantonly to assault the Guild direct, kill one Guild-thief needlessly lunacy entire!”
“You’d not only be a drunken, drooling idiot, you’d questionless be stinking in three nights at most from that emperor of diseases. Death. Malicious attacks on her person, blows directed at the organization, the Guild requites tenfold what she does other rule-breaking, freelancing included. So, no least giving-in to Vlana in this one matter.”
“Agreed!” Fafhrd said loudly, shaking the Mouser’s iron-thewed hand in a near crusher grip.
“And now we should be getting back to the girls,”
.the Mouser said.
“After one more drink while we settle .the ‘score. Ho, boy!”
“Suits.”
Vlana and lvrian, deep in excited talk, ‘both started at the pounding rush of footsteps up the stairs. Racing be-hemoths could hardly have made more noise. The creaking and groaning were prodigious, and there were the crashes of ‘two treads breaking. The door flew open and their two men rushed in through a great mushroom top of night-smog which was neatly sliced off its black stem by the slam of the door.
“I told you we’d be back in a wink,” the Mouser cried gayly to lvrian, while Fafhrd strode forward, unmindful of ‘the creaking floor, crying, “Dearest heart, I’ve missed you sorely,” and caught up Vlana despite her voiced protest? and pushing-off and kissed and ‘bugged her soundly before setting her back on the couch again.
Oddly, it was lvrian who appeared to be angry at Fafhrd then, rather than Vlana, who was smiling fondly if somewhat dazedly.
“Fafhrd, sir,” she said boldly, her little fists set on her narrow hips, her tapered chin held high, her dark eyes blazing, “my beloved Vlana has been telling me about the unspeakably atrocious things the Thieves’
Guild did to her and to her dearest friends. Pardon my frank speaking to one I’ve only met, but I think it quite unmanly of you to refuse her the just revenge she desires and fully deserves. And that goes for you too, Mouser, who boasted to Vlana of what you would have done had you but known, all the while intending only empty in-gratiation. You who in like case did not scruple to slay my very own father!”
It was clear to Fafhrd that while he and the Gray Mouser had idly boozed in the Eel, Vlana had been giving lvrian a doubtless empurpled account of her griev-ances against the Guild and playing mercilessly on the naive girl’s bookish, romantic sympathies and high con-cept of knightly honor. It was also clear to him that lvrian was more than a little drunk. A three-quarters empty flask of violet wine of far Kiraay sat on the low table next the couch.
Yet he could think of nothing to do but spread his big hands helplessly and-bow his head, more than the low ceiling made necessary, under lvrian’s glare, now re-inforced by that of Vlana. After all, they were in the right. He had promised.
So it was the Mouser who first tried to rebut.
“Come now, pet,” he cried lightly as he danced about the room, silk-stuffing more cracks against the thickening night-smog and stirring up and feeding the fire in the stove, “and you too, beauteous Lady Vlana. For the past month Fafhrd has by his highjackings been hitting the Guild-thieves where it hurts them most in their purses a-dangle between their legs. Come, drink we up all.”
Under his handling, one of the new jugs came uncorked with a pop, and he darted about brimming silver cups and mugs.
“A merchant’s revenge!” lvrian retorted with scorn, not one whit appeased, but rather endangered anew. “At the least you and Fafhrd must bring Vlana the head of Krovas!”
“What would she do with it? What good would it be except to spot the carpets?” the Mouser plaintively inquired, while Fafhrd, gathering his wits at last and going down on one knee, said slowly, “Most respected Lady lvrian, it is true I solemnly promised my beloved Vlana I would help her in her revenge, but if Mouser and I should bring Vlana the head of Krovas, she and I would have to flee Lankhmar on the instant, every man’s hand against us. While you infallibly would lose this fairyland Mouser has created for love ‘of you and ‘be farced to do likewise, be with him a beggar on the run for the rest of your natural lives.”
While Fafhrd spoke, lvrian snatched up her new-filled cup and drained it. Now she stood up straight as a soldier, her pale face flushed, and said scathingly, “You count the cost! You speak to me of things” She waved at the many hued splendor around her, “of mere prop-erty, however costly when honor is at stake. You gave Vlana your word. Oh, is knighthood wholly dead?”
Fafhrd could only shrug again and writhe inside and gulp a little easement from ‘his silver mug.
In a master stroke, Vlana tried gently to draw lvrian down to her golden seat again. “Softly, dearest,” she pled. “You have spoken nobly for me and my cause, and believe me, I am most grateful. Your words revived in me great, fine feelings dead these many years. But of us here, only you are truly an aristocrat attuned to the highest proprieties. We other three are naught but thieves.
Is at any wonder some of us put safety above honor and word-keeping, and most prudently avoid risking our lives? Yes, we are three thieves and I am outvoted. So please speak no more of honor and rash, dauntless bravery, but sit you down and”
“You mean, they’re both afraid to challenge the Thieves’
Guild, don’t you?” lvrian said, eyes wide and face twisted by loathing. “I always thought my Mauser was a noble-man first and a thief second. Thieving’s nothing. My father lived by cruel thievery done on rich wayfarers and neighbors less powerful than he, yet he was an aristocrat. Oh, you’re cowards, both of you! Poltroons!” she finished, turning her eyes flashing with cold scorn first on the Mouser, then on Fafhrd.
The latter could stand it no longer. He ‘sprang to his feet, face flushed, fists clenched at his sides, quite unmindful of his down-clattered mug and the ominous creak his sudden action drew from the sagging floor.
“I am not a coward!” he cried. “I’ll dare Thieves’
House and fetch you Krovas’ head and toss it with blood a-drip at Vlana’s feet. I swear that by my sword Graywand here at my side!”
He slapped his left hip, found nothing there but his tunic, and had to content himself with pointing tremble-armed at his belt and scabbarded sword where they lay atop his neatly folded robe—and then picking up, refilling splashily, and draining ‘his mug.
The Gray Mouser ‘began to laugh in high, delighted, tuneful peals. All stared at him. He came dancing up beside Fafhrd, and still smiling widely, asked, “Why not?
Who speaks of fearing the Guild-thieves? Who becomes upset at the prospect of this ridiculously easy exploit, when all of us know that all of them, even Krovas and ‘his ruling clique, are but pygmies in mind and skill compared to me or Fafhrd here? A wondrously simple, foolproof scheme has just occurred to me for penetrating Thieves’ House, every closet and cranny. Stout Fafhrd and I will put it into effect at once. Are you with me, Northerner?”
“Of course I am,” Fafhrd responded gruffly, at the same time frantically wandering what madness had gripped the little fellow.
“Give me a few heartbeats to gather needed props, and we’re off!” the Mouser cried. He snatched from shelf and unfolded a stout sack, then raced about, thrusting into it coiled ropes, bandage rolls, rags, jars of ointment and unction and unguent, and other oddments.
“But you can’t go tonight,” lvrian protested, suddenly grown pale and uncertain-voiced. “You’re both … in no condition to.”
“You’re both drunk,” Vlana said harshly. “Silly drunk and that way you’ll get naught in Thieves’ House but your deaths. Fafhrd! Control yourself!”
“Oh, no,” Fafhrd told her as he buckled on his sword.
“You wanted the head of Krovas heaved at your feet in a great splatter of blood, and that’s what you’re going to get, like it or not!”
“Softly, Fafhrd,” the Mouser interjected, coming to a sudden stop and drawing tight the sack’s mouth by its strings. “And softly you too. Lady Vlana, and my dear princess. Tonight I intend but a scouting expedition. No risks run, only the information gained needful for planning our murderous strike tomorrow or the day after. So no head-choppings whatsoever tonight. Fafhrd, you hear me?
Whatever may hap, hist’s the word. And don your hooded robe.”
Fafhrd shrugged, nodded, and obeyed.
lvrian seemed somewhat relieved. Vlana too, though she ‘said, “Just ‘the same you’re both drunk.”