Martian Knightlife by James P. Hogan

“Let’s see. What haven’t I tried before?” Kieran scanned his eye along the shelves and settled for a glass of a local brew called Olympus.

“So is that where you live, Nineveh?” Patti asked as she poured. “It’s a nice area. I had a boyfriend out that way not long ago.”

“I’m staying there. Visiting,” Kieran said.

“With that person you were with—June?”

“Uh-huh. Her cat and Guinness are in the process of disputing territorial claims.”

“I liked her.” Patti frowned and tried to remember, but had to give up. “Sorry. You’re . . . ? I know it started with a K.”

” `Kieran’ to most people who like me. All kinds of things to the rest. Some of the names, you’ve never heard of. Shouldn’t want to, either.”

“Kieran, that’s right.” Patti set the glass down on a coaster. Kieran tried a taste and nodded. “So what brings you to Mars?” she asked. “What do you do?”

“Oh . . . a bit of whatever needs doing. Right wrongs; slay dragons; rescue damsels; vanquish villains . . .”

“And check out bars,” Patti completed. Kieran waved a hand to say “whatever.” “I’m a cat person too,” Patti said. “What kind of a cat does June have?”

“All black, kind of in between long-hair and short. Mean and ornery most of the time. I prefer them that way. A real cat—not rubbing up all over you all the time.”

“A he or a she?”

“A she. Her name’s Teddy.”

“Teddy?”

“Well, it’s actually Nefertiti. But June says she could hardly go around calling her Titty, could she?”

Patti stifled a laugh and looked away, shaking her head. Two more customers had come in and were waiting a short distance away. “I’ll be back in a moment.” She straightened up and moved along the bar to serve them.

Kieran took a handful of peanuts from a glass and flipped one to Guinness. “So I think we’ll use you for the bait, will we?” he said as the dog gulped it out of existence and waited for another. “Yes, it’s about time you did something to earn your keep again. We will, so. Look your best—pitiful and appealing, now.”

Patti came back and watched as Guinness caught another couple of peanuts. “Would you like to take him off my hands for a few hours from time to time—out somewhere for walks or something?” Kieran asked nonchalantly, keeping his eyes on the dog.

“Are you serious?”

“Oh, sure, why not? I’m here on business, so he has plenty of spare time. I get the feeling you’d enjoy it.”

“Could I really? That would be terrific!” Patti looked down over the bar, still seeming unsure if it was a joke. Guinness looked back and blinked, doing his best to look pitiful and appealing.

Kieran let his voice fall. “If I said okay, then is there a chance you could do me a little favor that I’m in need of?” he said.

A flash of suspicion crossed Patti’s face, then cleared as she realized it wasn’t a proposition. “What kind of favor?” she asked.

“At the pool the other day, you said you were a trainee here—rotating around to get some experience at all the jobs.”

“That’s right. What about it?”

“Have you done the front desk yet? Taken care of the accounts and so on?”

“Sure. That was the last thing I worked before the bar. Why?”

Kieran straightened back onto the bar seat to lean closer. “There was a couple staying here about a week ago—between the thirteenth and seventeenth. I only have the woman’s first name. I need to locate her. She might have paid their bill. If so, it’ll be in the accounting records.”

Patti looked uneasy now. “What are you asking me to do?”

“Check the payment slips between those dates and see if any of them match her first name. Let me have the details of any that do.”

“But that’s confidential. You could get me fired.”

“Then I’ll make sure you’re better off than you would have been if you weren’t fired.”

“What are you? Some kind of investigator?”

“You could say that.” Kieran’s tone was serious now. “Look, this guy is a friend of mine. The woman has embezzled quite a sum of money from him. If we recover it, I’ll make sure that your part is generously appreciated.” He waited, read the uncertainty still lingering on Patti’s face, and added, “And he’s a good friend of Guinness’s too. If the thought of a healthy lining in your bank account doesn’t grab you enough, then do it for him. Look at those eyes. How could you refuse a face like that?”

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