CHAPTER XV
Evening at Benden Weyr: Impression Banquet
IT HAD been like coming up out of the very bowels of the deepest hold, thought Brekke. And Berd had shown her the way. She shuddered again at the horror of memory. If she slipped back down …
Instantly she felt Fnors hand tighten on her arm, felt the touch of Canths thoughts and heard the chitter of the two fire lizards.
Berd had led her out of the Ground to Fnor and Manora. Shed been surprised at how tired and sad they both looked. Shed tried to talk but theyd hushed her. Fnor had carried her up to his weyr. She smiled now, opening her eyes, to see him bending over her. Brekke put her hand up to the dear, worried face of her lover; she could say that now, her lover, her Weyrmate, for he was that, too. Deep lines from the high-bridged nose pulled Fnors mouth down at the corners. His eyes were darkly smudged and bloodshot, his hair, usually combed in crisp clean waves back from his high forehead, was stringy, oily.
You need cozening, love, she said in a low voice which cracked and didnt seem to be hers at all.
With a groan that was close to a sob, Fnor embraced her. At first as if he were afraid of hurting her. Then, when he felt her arms tightening around him for it was good to feel his strong back under her seeking hands he almost crushed her until she cried out gladly for him to be careful.
He buried his lips in her hair, against her throat, in a surfeit of loving relief.
We thought wed lost you, too, Brekke, he said over and over while Canth crooned an exuberant descant.
It was in my mind, Brekke admitted in a tremulous voice, burrowing against his chest, as if she must get even closer to him. I was trapped in my mind and didnt own my body. I think thats what was wrong with me. Oh, Fnor, and all the grief that shed not been able to express before came bursting out of her, I even hated Canth!
The tears poured down her cheeks and shuddering sobs shook a body already weakened by fasting. Fnor held her to him, patting her shoulders, stroking her until he began to fear that the convulsions would tear her apart. He beckoned urgently to Manora.
Shes got to cry, Fnor. Itll be an easing for her.
Manoras anxious expression, the way she folded and unfolded her hands, was strangely reassuring to Fnor. She, too, cared about Brekke, cared enough to let concern pierce that imperturbable serenity. Hed been so grateful to Manora for opposing a re-Impression, though he doubted his blood mother knew why hed be against it. Or perhaps she did. Manora in her calm detachment missed few nuances or evasions.
Brekkes frail body was trembling violently now, torn apart by the paroxysm of her grief. The fire lizards took to fluttering anxiously and Canths croon held on a distressed note. Brekkes hands opened and closed pathetically on his shoulders but the tearing sobs did not permit her to speak.
She cant stop, Manora. She cant.
Slap her.
Slap her?
Yes, slap her, and Manora suited actions to words, fetching Brekke several sharp blows before Fnor could shield her face. Now into the bathing pool with her. The waters warm enough to relax those muscles. You didnt have to slap her, Fnor said, angrily.
She did, she did, said Brekke in a ragged gasp, shuddering as they bundled her into the warm pool water. Then she felt the heat penetrate and relax muscles knotted by racking sobs. As soon as she felt Brekkes body easing, Manora dried her with warmed towels and gestured for Fnor to tuck her back under the furs.
She needs feeding up now, Fnor. And so do you, she said, looking sternly at him. And you are to kindly remember that youve duties to others tonight. Its Impression Day.
Fnor snorted at Manoras reminder and saw Brekke smiling wanly up at him.
I dont think youve left me at all since …
Canth and I needed to be with you, Brekke, he cut in when she faltered. He smoothed her hair back from her forehead as if such an action were the most important occupation in the world. She caught his hand and he looked into her eyes.