She raised an eyebrow but didn’t look up. “No.”
Nicolas groaned. “If the guys ever hear of this I’ll never live it down.”
She turned her palm over and gathered the spinning balls into her hand, her fingers closing over them as if holding a great treasure. “Guys? The other GhostWalkers?”
He nodded, thankful he’d found a way to capture her attention. “Yes, they give each other a bad time, but they’re all very close.”
She settled into the bottom of the boat opposite him, stretching out her legs as if she were sore. “I can hear the distance in your voice, Nicolas. What’s wrong with them?”
Inwardly he winced. Trust Dahlia to catch the slightest discordant note in the inadvertent way he’d worded his comment. It didn’t matter though, he’d caught her interest and had turned her thoughts away from bailing on him. “You’re getting to know me too well. There’s nothing wrong with any of them. I think of them as family. I just can’t be too close to anyone.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just never learned. I think it’s an art. I spent a lot of my childhood away from people, and I guess I’m just more comfortable on my own. I feel a great deal of affection for all of the GhostWalkers. Even Lily.”
“Why would you say it like that? Even Lily? The Lily I remember was always sweet and careful of other people’s feelings. She always gave up what she wanted for everyone else.” There was a hint of belligerence in her voice.
Of course she would pounce on that. He nearly groaned aloud. Lily. The one person Dahlia remembered fondly from her childhood. “I love Lily. I do. It’s just that she’s a woman.”
“She’s a woman?” Dahlia kicked at his boot. “What does that mean? I happen to be a woman. What’s wrong with women?”
He grinned at her, a flash of his white teeth in the darkness. “Now I’m the one who’d like to change the subject. Lily’s a courageous woman, Dahlia, and she’s married to a man I consider my best friend. Without her, I might not be alive. She saved all of us with her courage. Believe me, I not only feel a great deal of respect for her, but also affection. She’s just so damned hard to talk to.”
“And that’s because?” she prompted.
His grin widened into a smile. “Because she’s a woman, obviously.”
That earned him a small laugh. Dahlia wiped at more of the mud. “I’m almost afraid to meet her,” she admitted. “She was the one person I built up as larger than life. I needed her to be real, and because I was a child, so young, the memories wanted to fade, so I made up things about her.”
“If you’re worried the real woman won’t live up to the one you created, she will. Lily’s a very special woman. She opened her home up to all of us, provided medical help for Jeff, who’d suffered a seizure and a stroke. She’s worked tirelessly to help us build enough barriers to go into the world without an anchor for short periods of time. The hope is eventually we’ll all get strong enough to have families and live in the world like normal people.”
“I’ve thought about that term so much over the years. Normal. It’s such a little word, yet it means everything.”
“It means nothing at all,” he contradicted. “There is no normal. Define normal for me, Dahlia. We’re all normal and yet abnormal.”
Now that the action was over and the night had closed in, Nicolas was becoming all too aware of her. He directed the boat off the river and up a canal heading toward the very heart of the bayou. All the while, his gaze kept straying back to her. She was tired and needed rest desperately. She was soaking wet and streaked with mud. It didn’t matter. His discipline was beginning to fray around the edges. His self-control was losing the battle with the demands of his body.
She glanced at him, a quick, under the lashes look that said volumes. The harder he tried to keep his thoughts from turning sexual, the more he fantasized. He knew he wasn’t containing his sexual energy very well, but there was something about the way the boat rode over the water and the night enclosed them.