Two of them were Glod and Cliff.
‘Right,’ said the dwarf. ‘Here we are.’
He looked up at a blank wall.
‘I knew it!’ he said. ‘Didn’t I say? Magic! How many times have we heard this story? There’s a mysterious shop no-one’s ever seen before, and someone goes in and buys some rusty old curio, and it turns out to-‘
‘Glod-‘
‘-some kind of talisman or a bottle full of genie, and then when there’s trouble they go back and the shop-‘
‘Glod-?’
‘-has mysteriously disappeared and gone back to whatever dimension it came from- yes, what is it?’
‘You’re on the wrong side of the road. It’s over here.’
Glod glared at the blank wall, and then turned and stomped across the road.
‘It was a mistake anyone could have made.’
‘Yep.’
‘It doesn’t invalidate anything I said.’
Glod rattled the door and, to his surprise, found it was unlocked.
‘It’s gone two in the morning! What kind of music shop is open at two in the morning?’ Glod struck a match.
The dusty graveyard of old instruments loomed around them. It looked as though a number of prehistoric animals had been caught in a flash flood and then fossilized.
‘What’s that one that looks like a serpent?’ whispered Cliff.
‘It’s called a Serpent.’
Glod was uneasy. He’d spent most of his life as a musician. He hated the sight of dead instruments, and these were dead. They didn’t belong to anyone. No-one played them. They were like bodies without life, people without souls. Something they had contained had gone. Every one of them represented a musician down on his luck.
There was a pool of light in a grove of bassoons. The old lady was deeply asleep in a rocking chair, with a tangle of knitting on her lap and a shawl around her shoulders.
‘Glod?’
Glod jumped. ‘Yes? What?’
‘Why are we here? We know the place exists now-‘
‘Grab some ceiling, hooligans!’
Glod blinked at the crossbow bolt pricking the end of his nose, and raised his hands. The old lady had gone from asleep to firing stance without apparently passing through any intermediate stage.
‘This is the best I can do,’ he said. ‘Er . . . the door wasn’t locked, you see, and . . .’
‘So you thought you could rob a poor defenceless old lady?’
‘Not at all, not at all, in fact we-‘
‘I belongs to the Neighbourhood Witch scheme, I do! One word from me and you’ll be hopping around looking for some princess with an amphibian fixation-‘
‘I think dis has gone far enough,’ said Cliff. He reached down and his huge hand closed over the bow. He squeezed. Bits of wood oozed between his fingers.
‘We’re quite harmless,’ he said. ‘We’ve come about the instrument you sold our friend last week.’
‘Are you the Watch?’
Glod bowed.
‘No, ma’am. We’re musicians.’
‘That’s supposed to make me feel better, is it? What instrument are you talking about?’
‘A kind of guitar.’
The old woman put her head on one side. Her eyes narrowed.
‘I won’t take it back, you know,’ she said. ‘It was sold fair ‘n’ square. Good working condition, too.’
‘We just want to know where you got it from.’
‘Never got it from nowhere,’ said the old lady. ‘It’s always been here. Don’t blow that!’
Glod nearly dropped the flute he’d nervously picked up from the debris.
‘. . . or we’ll be knee deep in rats,’ said the old lady. She turned back to Cliff. ‘It’s always been here,’ she repeated.
‘It’s got a one chalked on it,’ said Glod.
‘It’s always been here,’ said the woman. ‘Ever since I’ve had the shop.’
‘Who brought it in?’
‘How should I know? I never asks them their name. People don’t like that. They just gets the number.’
Glod looked at the flute. There was a yellowing tag attached to it, on which the number 431 had been scrawled.
He stared along the shelves behind the makeshift counter. There was a pink conch shell. That had a number on it, too. He moistened his lips and reached out…
‘If you blow that, you’d just better have a sacrificial virgin and a big cauldron of breadfruit and turtle meat standing by,’ said the old lady.
There was a trumpet next to it. It looked amazingly untarnished.
‘And this one?’ he said. ‘It’ll make the world end and the sky fall on me if I give it a tootle, will it?’
‘Interesting you should say that,’ said the old lady.
Glod lowered his hand, and then something else caught his eye.
‘Good grief,’ he said, ‘is that still here? I’d forgotten about that . . .’
‘What is it?’ said Cliff, and then looked where Glod was pointing.
‘That?’
‘We’ve got some money. Why not?’
‘Yeah. It might help. But you know what Buddy said. We’d never be able to find-‘
‘It’s a big city. If you can’t find it in Ankh-Morpork, you can’t find it anywhere.’
Glod picked up half a drumstick and looked thoughtfully at a gong half buried in a pile of musicstands.
‘I shouldn’t,’ said the old lady. ‘Not if you don’t want seven hundred and seventy-seven skeletal warriors springing out of the earth.’
Glod pointed.
‘We’ll take this.’
‘Two dollars.’
‘Hey, why should, we pay anything? It’s not as though it’s yours-‘
‘Pay up,’ said Cliff with a sigh. ‘Don’t negotiate.’
Glod handed over the money with bad grace, snatched the bag the old lady gave him, and strutted out of the shop.
‘Fascinating stock you have here,’ said Cliff, staring at the gong.
The old lady shrugged.
‘My friend’s a bit annoyed because he thought you one of dose mysterious shops you hear about in folk tales,’ Cliff went on. ‘You know, here today and gone tomorrow. He was looking for you on der other side of der road, haha!’
‘Sounds daft to me,’ said the old lady, in a voice to discourage any further unseemly levity.
Cliff glanced at the gong again, shrugged, and followed Glod.
The woman waited until their footsteps had died away in the fog.
Then she opened the door and peered up and down the street. Apparently satisfied by its abundance of emptiness, she went back to her counter and reached for a curious lever underneath. Her eyes glowed green for a moment.
‘Forget my own head next,’ she said, and pulled.
There was a grinding of hidden machinery.
The shop vanished. A moment later, it reappeared on the other side of the road.
Buddy lay looking at the ceiling.
How did food taste? It was hard to remember. He’d eaten meals over the last few days, he must have done, but he couldn’t remember the taste. He couldn’t remember much of anything, except the playing. Glod and rest of them sounded as if they were talking through a thick gauze.
Asphalt had wandered off somewhere.
He swung himself off the hard bed and padded over to the window.
The Shades of Ankh-Morpork were just visible in the grey, cheap-rate light before dawn. A breeze blew in through the open window.
When he turned around, there was a young woman standing in the middle of the floor.
She put her finger to her lips.
‘Don’t go shouting to the little troll,’ she said. ‘He’s downstairs having some supper. Anyway, he wouldn’t be able to see me.’
‘Are you my muse?’
Susan frowned.
‘I think I know what you mean,’ she said. ‘I’ve seen pictures. There were eight of them, led by . . . um . . . Cantaloupe. They’re supposed to protect people. The Ephebians believe they inspire musicians and artists, but of course they don’t exi-‘ She paused, and made a conscientious correction. ‘At least, I’ve never met them. My name’s Susan. I’m here because . . .’
Her voice trailed away.
‘Cantaloupe?’ said Buddy. ‘I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Cantaloupe.’
‘Whatever.’
‘How did you get in here?’
‘I’m . . . Look, sit down. Right. Well . . . you know how some things . . . like the Muses, as you said . . . people think that some things are represented by people?’
A look of temporary understanding informed Buddy’s perplexed features.
‘Like the Hogfather representing the spirit of the midwinter festival?’ he said.
‘Right. Well . . . I’m sort of in that business,’ said Susan. ‘It doesn’t exactly matter what I do.’
‘You mean you’re not human?’
‘Oh, yes. But I’m . . . doing a job. I suppose thinking of me as a Muse is probably as good as anything. And I’m here to warn you.’
‘A Muse for Music With Rocks In?’
‘Not really, but listen . . . hey, are you all right?’
‘Don’t know.’
‘You looked all washed-out. Listen. The music is dangerous-‘
Buddy shrugged. ‘Oh, you mean the Guild of Musicians. Mr Dibbler says not to worry about that. We’re leaving the city for-‘
Susan stamped forward and picked up the guitar.