“Soon. I’m supposed to meet Gévaudan at the edge of his land the day after tomorrow.” She hesitated, knowing it was best not to be too specific. Not when she didn’t know how things would really turn out—when she’d make it back to town. Or if.
She concealed a shudder. “He figures it’ll take us a number of days both directions, so I suppose I’ll be gone a week or more. You were right about him, Maggie—he’s just the man I needed for this. I’ll be in good hands.”
The redhead sighed and shrugged philosophically, “I know you won’t listen to any more advice from me. As long as you know what you’re doing. And don’t take any chances with Gévaudan. I meant it when I said before: he’s got a dubious reputation.”
“Which is why you were surprised to see me back here so quickly,” Joey teased. “But, as you can see, I’m all in one piece, and it all worked out perfectly. Gévaudan’s no match for me!” With a cocky gesture she raised the wineglass, saluted her friend, and took a long drink.
Maggie’s face was easily read, and Joey knew her act had not been entirely persuasive.
“He’s really not as bad as they say,” she added, setting down the glass. “And whatever happens, Maggie—it’ll be my choice and my responsibility.” Joey closed her eyes briefly, wishing she could risk fully confiding in Maggie, pouring out her doubts and fears and confusion, admitting that she was about to take a terrible gamble—that she’d be going into the mountains alone. But she could not be so cruel. She could only hope that Maggie and Allan would not hold Luke to blame if she never came back. Whatever her feelings about him, it was her choice alone to risk her life for the freedom from the past she so desperately needed.
When she opened her eyes, Maggie was returning from serving another customer. Joey sighed deeply and met the redhead’s troubled gaze.
“Maggie, I’ve told you something of why I’m doing this, why I need to do it. But I’ve never really talked about it—in a way that might really explain.” She searched for the right words. “All my life I’ve felt as if there was something undone, something that kept me from really living life—the way people like you live it.”
The explanation seemed wrenched from a part of her that hadn’t been touched in ages—a part of her that Luke Gévaudan had exposed and left raw to the very real possibility of pain.
Now she looked inward at that hidden place again, and her words were as much for herself as Maggie. “I suppose you could say I’ve been hiding all my life, so that no one could do what my parents did when they died and left me alone. Even my marriage was very safe. Richard was predictable. Safe. I thought that was what I needed most—but one day it wasn’t enough, and that was when I realized I had to do something to try and find some meaning.
She trailed off and swallowed, a watery laugh forced its way past the lump in her throat. “I had a decent life. I don’t know why I couldn’t have just accepted that. Everything was nice and orderly and safe. But when I realized I had to do this one thing, that was all that mattered. It became a purpose. Something to fight for.”
She risked a glance up at Maggie, whose face was drawn with a sympathy so open that Joey could not bear to watch it. She forced herself to continue. “I can’t turn around and go home and forget about this just because it’s easier and more practical to do so. There’ve been times when I’ve wished I could—but it’s too late for that. I have to finish this, Maggie. It’s my last chance to say good-bye to people I loved—but maybe it’s also my last chance to find myself.”
The words ran dry then, and she could not find any other way of saying what she herself was only beginning to understand. She’d never put it so bluntly even within the safety of her own heart. It left her trembling with the violence of a battle she’d hardly known was being fought. Within herself.