It took Jennifer almost three hours to dress Joshua. He was wearing his baseball uniform and favorite tee shirt, white socks and sneakers. The baseball cap shadowed his face, so Jennifer finally laid it on his chest. “You can carry it with you, my darling.”
When the undertaker came and looked into the room, Jennifer was standing over the dressed body, holding Joshua’s hand and talking to him.
The man walked over and said gently, “We’ll take care of him now.”
Jennifer took one last look at her son. “Please be careful with him. He hurt his head, you know.”
The funeral was simple. Jennifer and Mrs. Mackey were the only ones there to watch the small white coffin being lowered into the freshly dug grave. Jennifer had thought of telling Ken Bailey, for Ken and Joshua had loved each other, but Ken was no longer in their lives.
When the first shovelful of dirt had been thrown on the coffin, Mrs. Mackey said, “Come along, dear. I’ll take you home.”
Jennifer said politely, “I’m fine. Joshua and I won’t be needing you any more, Mrs. Mackey. I’ll see that you get a year’s wages and I’ll give you a reference. Joshua and I thank you for everything.”
Mrs. Mackey stood there staring as Jennifer turned and walked away. She walked carefully, standing very straight, as though she were going down an eternal corridor wide enough for only one person.
The house was still and peaceful. She went up to Joshua’s room and closed the door behind her and lay on his bed, looking at all the things that belonged to him, all the things he had loved. Her whole world was in this room. There was nothing for her to do now, nowhere for her to go. There was only Joshua. Jennifer started with the day he was born and relived all her memories of him.
Joshua taking his first steps…Joshua saying car-car and Mama, go play with your toys…Joshua going off to school alone for the first time, a tiny, brave figure…Joshua lying in bed with the measles, his body racked with misery…Joshua hitting a home run and winning the game for his team…Joshua sailing…Joshua feeding an elephant at the zoo…Joshua singing Shine On, Harvest Moon on Mother’s Day…The memories flowed on, home movies in her mind. They stopped on the day Jennifer and Joshua were to leave for Acapulco.
Acapulco…where she had seen Adam and made love with him. She was being punished because she had thought only of herself. Of course, Jennifer thought. This is my punishment. This is my hell.
And she started all over again, beginning with the day Joshua was born…Joshua taking his first steps…Joshua saying car-car, and Mama, go play with your toys…
Time slipped away. Sometimes Jennifer would hear a telephone ring in some distant recess of the house, and once she heard someone knocking at the front door, but those sounds had no meaning for her. She would not allow anything to interrupt her being with her son. She stayed in the room, eating nothing and drinking nothing, lost in her own private world with Joshua. She had no sense of time, no idea how long she lay there.
It was five days later that Jennifer heard the front door bell again and the sound of someone pounding on the door, but she paid no attention. Whoever it was would go away and leave her alone. Dimly she heard the sound of glass breaking, and a few moments later the door to Joshua’s room burst open and Michael Moretti loomed in the doorway.
He took one look at the gaunt, hollow-eyed figure staring up at him from the bed and he said, “Jesus Christ!”
It took all of Michael Moretti’s strength to get Jennifer out of the room. She fought him hysterically, punching him and clawing at his eyes. Nick Vito was waiting downstairs and it took the two of them to force Jennifer into the car. Jennifer had no idea who they were or why they were there. She only knew that they were taking her away from her son. She tried to tell them that she would die if they did this to her, but she was finally too exhausted to fight any longer. She fell asleep.