There was a mob there sitting along the edge of it. One of them got smart and turned on a flash and spotted it on my face as I approached. Rowcliff and the trooper came up and stood at the foot of the steps.
I demanded, “Who’s in charge of this gang? I know you’re not, Rowcliff, we’re outside the city limits. Who’s got any right to be here on private property?” They looked at each other. The trooper stuck out his chin at me and asked, “Have you?” “You’re darned tooting I have. You’ve seen a paper signed by the executor of the estate that owns this. I’ve got another one in my pocket. Well, come on, who’s in charge? Who’s responsible for this outrage?” There was a cackle from the porch, a shadow in the corner. “I’ve got a right to be here, ain’t I, Archie?” I peered at it. “Oh, hi, Fred. What are you doing out here in the cold?” He ambled toward me. “We didn’t want to open the door, because this bunch of highbinders might take a notion—” I snorted. “Where would they get it from? —All right, nobody’s in charge, is that it? Fred, call Saul—” “I’ll take the responsibility!” A little squirt had popped up and I saw his spectacles. He squealed, “I’m the Assistant District Attorney of this county! We have a legal right—” I did some towering over him. “You have a legal right to go home and go to bed.
Have you got a warrant or a subpoena or even a cigarette paper?” “No, there wasn’t time—” “Then shut up.” I turned to Rowcliff and the trooper. “You think I’m being tough? Not at all, I’m just indignant and I have a right to be. You’ve got a nerve, to come to a private house in the middle of the night and expect to go through it, without any evidence that there has ever been anything or anyone criminal in it. What do you want, the red box? It’s Nero Wolfe’s property, and if it’s in there I’ll get it and put it in my pocket and walk out with it, and don’t try to play tag with me, because I’m sensitive about coming in contact with people.” I brushed past them and mounted the porch, crossed to the door and rapped on it: “Come here, Fred. Saul!” I heard his voice from inside: “Hello, Archie! Okay?” “Sure, okay. Open the door! Stand by, Fred.” The gang had stood up and edged toward us a little. I heard the lock turning; the door swung open and a lane of light ribboned the porch; Saul stood on the threshold with Orrie back of him. Fred and I were there too. I faced the throng:
“I hereby order you to leave these premises. All of you. In other words, beat it. Now do as you damn please, but its on the record that you’re here illegally, for future reference. We resent your scuffing up the porch, but if you try coming in the house we’ll resent that a lot worse. Back up, Saul. Come on, Fred.” We went in. Saul closed the door and locked it. I looked around. Knowing that the joint belonged to McNair, I halfway expected to see some more decorators’ delights, but it was rustic. Nice big chairs and seats with cushions and a big heavy wooden table, and a blaze crackling in a wide fireplace at one end. I turned to Fred Durkin: “You darned liar. You said there was no fire.” He grinned, rubbing his hands in front of it. “I didn’t think Mr. Wolfe ought to think we was too comfortable.” “He wouldn’t mind. He doesn’t like hardship, even for you.” I looked around again and spoke to Saul in a lower tone. “Where’s what you’ve got with you?” He nodded at a door. “In the other room. No light in there.” “You didn’t find the box?” “No sign of it. All cubic inches accounted for.” Since it was Saul, that settled it. I asked him, “Is there another door?” “One at the back. We’ve got it propped.” “Okay. You and Fred stay here. Orrie, come with me.” He lumbered over and I led him into the other room. After I closed the door behind us it was good and dark, but there were two dim rectangles for windows, and after a few seconds I made out an outline in a chair. I said to Orrie, “Sing.” He grumbled, “What the hell, I’m too hungry to sing.” “Sing anyway. If one of them happens to glue his ear to a window I want him to hear something. Sing ‘Git Along, Little Dogie’.” “I can’t sing in the dark—” “Damn it, will you sing?” He cleared his throat and started it up. Orrie had a pretty good voice. I went close to the outline in the chair and said to it: “I’m Archie Goodwin. You know me.” “Certainly.” Gebert’s voice sounded purely conversational “You’re the fellow who doesn’t like scenes.” “Right. That’s why I’m out here when I ought to be in bed. Why are you out here?” “I drove out to get my umbrella which I left here last fall.” “Oh. You did. Did you find it?” “No. Someone must have taken it.” “That’s too bad. Listen to me a minute. Out on the porch is an army of state police and New York detectives and a Putnam County prosecutor. How would you like to have to tell them about your umbrella?” I saw the outline of his shoulders move with his shrug. “If it would amuse them.
I hardly suppose they know where it is.” “I see. You’re fancy free, huh? Not a care in the world. In that case, what are you doing sitting in here alone in the dark? —A little louder, Orrie.” Gebert shrugged again. “Your colleague—the little chap with the big nose—asked me to come in here. He was very courteous to me when I was trying a window because I had no key.” “So you wanted to be courteous to him. That was darned swell of you. Then it’s okay if I let the cops in and tell them we found you trying to break in?” “I’m really indifferent about it.” I couldn’t see his smile but I knew he was wearing it. “Really. I wasn’t breaking in, I was only trying a window.” I straightened up, disgusted. He wasn’t giving me anything at all to bargain with, and even if it was a bluff I guessed that he was sardonic enough to go right through with it. Orrie stopped, and I grunted at him to carry on. The conditions were bad for negotiation. I leaned over him again: “Look here, Gebert. We’ve got your number—Nero Wolfe has—but we’re willing to give you a chance. It’s midnight. What’s wrong with this: I’ll let the cops in and tell them they can look for the red box all they want to. I happen to know they won’t find it. You are one of my colleagues. Your name’s Jerry. We’ll leave my other colleagues here and you and I will get in my car and go back to New York, and you can sleep in Wolfe’s house—there’s a good bed in the room above mine. The advantage of that is that you’ll be there in the morning to have a talk with Wolfe. That strikes me as a good program.” I could see him shaking his head. “I live at the Chesebrough. Thanks for your invitation, but I prefer to sleep in my own bed.” “I’m asking you, will you come?” “To Mr. Wolfe’s house to sleep? No.” “All right. You’re crazy. Surely you’ve got brains enough to realize that you’re going to have to have a talk with somebody about your driving sixty miles to go through a window to get an umbrella. Knowing Wolfe, and knowing the police, I merely advise you to talk with him instead of them. I’m not trying to shatter your aplomb, I like it, I think it’s attractive, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here and beg you all night. In a couple of minutes I’ll begin to get impatient.” Gebert shrugged again. “I confess I don’t like the police. I leave here with you incognito. Is that it?” “That’s it.” “Very well. I’ll go.” “To Wolfe’s for the night?” “I tell you so.” “Good for you. Don’t worry about your car; Saul will take care of it. Your name’s Jerry. Act tough and ignorant, like me or any other detective. —Okay, Orrie, choke it. Come on. Come on, Jerry.” I opened the door to the lighted room and they followed me in. I collected Saul and Fred and briefly explained the strategy, and when Saul objected to letting the cops in I agreed with him without an argument. Our trio was supposed to resume operations in the morning, and in the meantime they had to have some shut-eye. It was settled that no one was to be permitted to enter, and excavations by strangers outdoors were barred. They were to send Fred to the village to get grub, and to phone the office, in the morning.