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Ripping Time by Robert Asprin & Linda Evans

Skeeter let go the heavy handle of his push cart with one hand and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Yes, I’m packed and ready. I still can’t believe you pulled off something like that.” About seven hours from now, the first official Ripper Watch tour of the season was scheduled to arrive in London, on the very evening of the first murder officially attributed to Jack the Ripper. And thanks to Ianira, Skeeter would spend the next eight days in London, courtesy of Time Tours, working the gate as a baggage porter. Hauling suitcases wasn’t the world’s greatest job either; but carrying rich tourists’ luggage beat hell out of scrubbing La-La Land’s bathrooms for a living. He’d been doing that for weeks, now. And Ripper Watch Tour tickets were selling for five-digit figures on the black market, when they could be found at all. Every one of the Ripper tours had been sold out for over a year.

Skeeter rubbed his nose and smiled wryly. “Time Tours baggage porter. Who’d’ve believed that, huh? They never would’ve trusted me, if you hadn’t offered to replace anything that went missing on my watch.”

“They will learn,” she said firmly, giving him a much-needed boost of confidence. Ianira rested a hand on his arm. “You will do well, Skeeter. But will you try to go with the scholars? To see who is this terrible man, the Ripper?”

Skeeter shook his head. “No way. The videotapes will be bad enough.”

“Yes,” Ianira said quietly. “I do not wish to see any of them.”

“Huh. Better avoid Victoria Station, then,” Skeeter muttered as he bumped his cart across the division between Edo Castletown and Victoria Station, the portion of Commons which served the Britannia Gate. Bottles of cleaning solution rattled and boxes of toilet paper rolls, feminine supplies, and condoms (latex, spray-on, and natural for those going to appropriate down-time destinations) bounced and jiggled as he shoved the cart across the cobblestones. Mop handles sticking out the top like pungee stakes threatened tourists too slow to dodge—and on every side, pure-bred lunatics threatened everything in sight, including Skeeter and his awkward cart.

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Categories: Asprin, Robert
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