Sara Douglass – The Axis Trilogy 3 – StarMan

“I do not want to die,” he whispered, and suddenly realised it was true. Azhure was here, and he desperately wanted to believe that she could heal him.

“Are you sure?” Her voice was as soft as his.

“Yes.”

She took a deep breath. “Do you love me?”

“Yes,” and his voice broke on the word.

“Then trust me.”

“I love you…I trust you.”

“Beloved,” she whispered and, cradling his head in her hands, drew his face down to nestle between her breasts. For a long time they lay like that, until she could fee! his entire body relax against hers.

“Can you feel my heart beat?” she asked.

It throbbed against his cheek, its life dulling even his pain, and he did not think he had ever heard such beautiful music. He relaxed further and let its comforting thud lull him towards sleep.

“Axis.”

“Hmmm?”

“Listen to my heart. Listen to its beat.”

“Yes.”

“Listen…listen.”

And Axis, so close to sleep, thought he could feel something different in her heartbeat. It was . . . slowing . . . yes, that was it. Her heartbeat was …

Beat . . . slowing. He took a deep breath, drinking in her life and her scent.

“Match yours to mine, beloved,” he heard her whisper somewhere leagues above him, and he smiled against her skin. “Match your heartbeat to mine.”

Beat He thought about it. It seemed such a simple request, but he had never tried to control his heartbeat before. Slow it?

Beat Her heart was so languorous now that he could breathe between each of its contractions.

“Slower,” she murmured and, so relaxed against her warmth he could deny her nothing, Axis’ own heart slowed. Only barely aware of what he did, he felt no fear.

He tried to bury his head deeper between her breasts, tried to burrow closer to her heart, and he felt her fingers press against the back of his skull, encouraging him, loving him.

Beat And his heartbeat slowed to match.

A deep breath, and …

Beat He could feel it, that incredible moment when their hearts met in a single . . .

Beat “Listen,” said a voice from far away, and Axis listened.

Beat “Listen . . . can you feel it?”

“Yes,” he whispered, unwilling even to utter that one word, but unable to deny her urgency.

Beat And the reverberation of their hearts beating as one threatened to shake him apart. He moaned, but he was not in pain, and he was not afraid.

“Trust me.”

“Yes.”

Beat “You hear our hearts, Axis, beating as one, beating in time to the Star Dance.”

He had not thought he’d ever get this close to another person. To share a single heartbeat… this was true consummation.

Beat “Share with the Star Dance, Axis.”

He almost did not hear her, and when the meaning of her words sank into his languor he did not have time to feel afraid, for her heart was so closely bound to his now that it led his deeper and further until. . .

Beat…they shared with the Star Dance, and their hearts throbbed in perfect rhythm with the beat of the music of the stars.

“Do you hear it, Axis?”

He was almost weeping. “Yes.”

Beat “Trust me, Axis. Let it consume you. Become one with the Star Dance, Axis. Float in my arms.”

“I am afraid.”

“If you become one with the Star Dance, Axis, it will not harm you. Only if you seek to misuse it, will the power harm you.”

Beat “Revel in the Star Dance, Axis! Let go! Now!”

And Axis trusted her, and let go, and allowed the Star Dance to consume him.

Beat Adamon lifted his head sharply and he exchanged quick glances with the others. “Yes!” he whispered.

Beat “What is it?” Belial asked. He felt a throbbing, but he could not understand it. He put his hand on the ground, and …

Beat…it leapt beneath him. “What is it?”

“Shush, Belial,” Xanon said. “It is all right now. It is the rhythm of life itself that beats beneath your hand and through your body. Feel it!”

Silton took a deep breath and relaxed. “She has done it.”

“Yes,” Pors said. “She has. He has been reunited.”

Belial’s eyes quickly scanned the group. All were relaxed and laughing, and he now realised how tense they had been before.

The man who had first walked out of the night leaned across the low fire and took Belial’s hand. “My name is Adamon,” he said, “and this is my wife, Xanon.”

She inclined her head, and the others introduced themselves.

Belial wondered why the names tickled his memory, then the woman Xanon was kissing his cheek and rising to her feet.

“We will go now, Belial. Perhaps we will meet again, perhaps not.”

Adamon rose to stand with her, his arm about her waist. “Do not disturb them, Belial, no matter what you see, what you hear, or what you feel. Wait for them.”

Belial stood himself, and Adamon gently touched his cheek. “We are thankful for you, Belial. Very thankful.. You must remember this night, and when you are old and your grandchildren sit on your knee, you must tell them of the hours you shared about a campfire with the Star Gods.”

And then they were gone, and Belial was left with only the Alaunt for company, his eyes staring wildly into the night.

Axis revelled, and by his side his wife exulted with him. They drifted among the stars, borne by the power of the Star Dance, and as its power surged through him Axis understood many things.

He understood why the Star Dance had harmed him. It was never meant to hurt or maim, and it had resented his manipulation of it to kill, even to kill such dark creatures as the Gryphon.

And so it had bitten him.

There had never been any Songs of War, and if there had been, then they must have used some other power than that of the Star Dance. Songs of War? Rumour. Legend. Nothing more.

At his side, Azhure smiled.

He would have to use something different to defeat the Skraelings …

“Axis, my beloved,” Azhure said, and Axis smiled at her. “The Skraeling host will be defeated by power, but it will not be yours, nor even mine.”

“The trees.”

“Yes. Faraday and the power of the Mother.”

“The power of Tencendor is composed of many things, not just the Star Dance.”

“Yes, but these things can wait to be discussed later. For the moment…listen…enjoy…let the Star Dance flood through you.”

And so they drifted, hearts linked not only with each other, but also with the Star Dance, and they lost themselves in the throb of the beat.

And eventually she whispered in his ear. “StarMan. I have a secret to tell you.”

He smiled. “And what is that?” “A holy secret, StarMan.” He laughed. “Then tell the StarMan.” “StarMan,” she smiled, “you are the Star Dance.” I am? He felt her love and that of the Star Dance throb through him. “Oh.”

He could feel her move closer. “And I am the Moon, and all of our days and nights are spent entwined in each other. You sing only for me, and my dance is woven solely for your delight and accomplished solely to the rhythm of your music.”

“Ah.” None of this seemed very strange, floating here among the stars.

“StarMan,” and he laughed, for even here among the stars he could feel the tease of her hands on his body. “Do you know that I prefer you the way you once were?”

“I was prettier then.” But here, among all this love and beauty, he did not care very much what his tattered and burned body looked like back in that bed. Then he recalled the shame he had felt when Azhure had pulled the blankets from his body. “But what can I do? How can I change that which has been destroyed?”

“Oh, StarMan!” And her merriment pealed among the stars. “I can remember StarDrifter, filled with pride and love, informing the entire Icarii Assembly that as a baby within Rivkah’s womb you sang to yourself the Song of Creation. He said that his seed may have planted you, and Rivkah’s womb may have nourished you, but that you made of yourself what you wanted.”

“Would you have me create a baby that you could rock in your arms and croon cradle songs to?”

“Oh no,” she murmured, “I would have my husband back, and if I would still rock him in my arms, then it is not cradle songs I would like to whisper in his ear.”

He laughed and, remembering, began to Sing.

And once he had done so, as they drifted among the stars, they finally consummated their marriage.

Their hearts still throbbed, but now only with barely satiated desire. Azhure sighed and stretched out in his arms, enjoying the feel of his body against hers, enjoying his quick intake of breath as she moved. “Did we couple among the stars or here in this narrow, lumpy bed? I swear I cannot remember.”