But I never wanted to make Mama sad.
I’ve been as badas a bad boy could be
because I never thought Mama would see.”
Lottie says, “No one can fool his mother
any more than kids can fool your brother.
Sooner or later every mom always knows
if you’ve been bad or good. It shows.
Scary, I know, but that’s how it goes.
Now stop blubbering and wipe your nose.”
Snow begins to fall from the polar skies
as Santa says, “Girls, you are both wise.
I’m giving you two brand-new blue bikes
and to your parents-whatever each likes.
And you will come along to share the joy
as I bring gifts to every girl and boy.”
Un-Slinky’d, with all jump ropes unwound,
Santa’s brother leaps up from the ground.
“Let’s hurry and undo all that I’ve done,
or this year Christmas won’t be much fun.”
A crowded sleigh-two Clauses, two girls-
rockets into the sky as the snow swirls.
“Good reindeer, I’m sorry for all I said.
I had the meanies, shoulda stayed in bed.”
So explains the previously twisted twin,
who’s better now than he’s recently been.
Lottie and Emmy are afraid that the crime
can’t be undone. There’s too little time.
But Santa can deliver in a single hour,
by stretching time with his magical power.
Flying like a comet, chased by the sun,
they sneak past every police radar gun.
The best trick of all: At any one time,
they can be in many places-oh, 9009.
How this is possible no one explains,
leaving the girls with headache pains.
At last all gifts have been given away,
and still night hasn’t turned into day.
They race the sun to the girls’ place,
where soon it’s time for them to face
Mom and Dad on the snowy front lawn.
Someone might be spanked before dawn.
Pouring out through the open front door
is popcorn. And from a few windows-more.
Popcorn has popped from the chimney too.
“Oh, what a terrible thing did I do?”
asks the once-bad Claus, who now behaves.
“Ten pounds of corn and some microwaves
“can do more damage than I ever thought.
Gee, I have to admit I was never taught
to be such a mischievous fat old elf.
I’m totally, thoroughly ashamed of myself.
Girls, I’ll see that you’re both thanked.
If anyone is, I’ll be the one spanked.”
Down to the front yard the reindeer fly.
Mom and Dad are waiting to be told why
their house has become a popcorn machine,
waking them from their Christmas dreams.
They stand in pajamas, robes, and slippers,
gazing up at their sleigh-flying nippers.
From the sleigh into Mom and Dad’s arms,
both girls use their clever-child charms
to keep Santa’s brother from being paddled.
“Forgive him. He was temporarily addled.
But he helped put Christmas back on tack.
He’ll never again stuff Santa in a sack.”
Santa says, “I’m Santa and this is my twin.
His name is Bob. Will you let us come in
to clean up the mess, set everything right,
before dawn puts an end to this magic night?
Your house is the last stop on our journeys,
and I sincerely hope we can avoid attorneys.”
With mouths wide open as if to catch flies,
Mom and Dad gaze at the sleigh, the skies.
The sight of the red-suited smiling Clauses
leaves their eyes wide and apparently causes
an attack of whim-whams. They can’t speak.
Dad softly peeps, Mom squeaks a small squeak.
Santa says, “I’ll assume the answer is yes.”
Then he and Bob, in three minutes or less,
Vaporize all the popcorn, clean up the mud,
magically transform the toad snot and crud
into gifts that are sure to please everyone
and ensure Christmas morning is nonstop fun.
Out in the front yard, each girl gets a hug
from each of the Clauses. Cute as a bug-
each girl, that is. Well, each Claus too.
Bob says, “I left a big brown cow for you,
prettily gift-wrapped, by one of the trees.”
Then Santa wants to turn Bob over his knee.
Bob says, “Giving a cow-that’s not mean.
Remember, with milk we can make ice cream!”
Santa gives his brother a very stern look,