Wellington’s voice was softer. ‘You want your Company?’
‘Yes, sir.’ He felt a fool, a shabby fool in a glittering setting, and he knew that all of them could see his broken pride.
Wellington nodded towards Colonel Fletcher. ‘The Colonel will tell you, Sharpe, and pray God he is wrong, that on Monday morning we’ll be handing Captaincies out with the rations.’
Fletcher said nothing. The room was silent, embarrassed by Sharpe’s request. The Rifleman felt as if all his life, all that had been and all that might never be, was balanced on this silence.
Wellington smiled. ‘God knows, Sharpe, that I think you are a rogue. A useful rogue and, thankfully, a rogue who is on my side.’ He smiled again and Sharpe knew that the General was remembering the gory Indian bayonets reaching for him at Assaye, but that debt had long been paid. Wellington picked up his papers. ‘I don’t think I want you dead, Sharpe. The army would be, somehow, less interesting. Your request is denied.’ He left the room.
Sharpe stood there, quite still as the other officers filed out, and he thought how, in these past few miserable weeks, he had fixed all his hopes and ambitions on that one thing. His Captaincy, his Company, their jackets, rifles and trust; even, because he did not seriously believe he would be killed, the chance to reach the house with the two orange trees before the maniacal horde, before Hakeswill, and all had been fixed on the Hope, the Forlorn Hope. And it had been denied.
He should have felt disappointment, anger even, at the refusal, but he could not. Instead, flooding through him like pure water scouring a foul ditch, was relief; utter, blissful relief. He was ashamed of the feeling.
Hogan came back into the room and smiled up at him. ‘There. You’ve asked, you got the right answer.’
‘No.’ Sharpe’s face was stubborn. ‘There’s still time, sir, still time.’ He did not know what he meant, or why he said it, except that on the morrow, in the first darkness of evening, he would somehow face that test. And win.
CHAPTER 22
Sergeant Obadiah Hakeswill was feeling contented. He sat by himself, church parade done, and stared into the depths of his shako. He spoke to his hat. ‘Tonight, it is, tonight. I’ll be a good boy, I won’t let you down.’ He cackled, showing his few rotting teeth, and looked round the Company. They were watching him, he knew, but would take care not to catch his eye. He looked back into the greasy depths of the hat. ‘Scared, they are, of me. Oh yes. Scared of me. Be more scared tonight. A lot of them will die tonight.’ He cackled again and raised his eyes fast so that he might catch a man staring at him. They were all studiously avoiding his eyes. ‘You’ll die tonight! Like little bloody pigs under the pole-axe!’
He would not die. He knew it, despite what Sharpe had said. He looked back into the shako. ‘Bloody Sharpe! He’s scared of me. He ran away! He can’t kill me. No one can kill me!’ He almost shouted the last words. They were true. He had been touched by death and he had survived. He reached up and scratched the livid, red scar. He had hung for an hour on the gallows, a scrap of a boy, and no one had pulled his feet so that his neck would snap. He did not remember much of the experience; the crowds, the other prisoners who had joked with him, but he would always be grateful to the sadistic bastard who had hung them the slow way, without a drop, so that the crowd would have a spectacle to watch. They had cheered every spasmodic jerk and useless struggle until the executioner’s assistants, grinning like actors who are pleasing their audience, came to hold the dangling ankles. They had looked at the crowd, asking their permission to pull, and teased the prisoners. They had not bothered with the twelve-year-old Obadiah Hakeswill. He was cunning then as now and had hung still, even as the pain drifted him in and out of consciousness, so the crowd thought he was already dead. He had not known why he clung so tenaciously to life; it would have been faster and far less painful to be ankle-tugged to death, but then the rain had come. The clouds had split apart in a downpour that cleared the streets in minutes and no one could be bothered with the last small body. His uncle, furtive and frightened, had cut him down and hurried the limp body into an alleyway. He had slapped Obadiah’s face. ‘Listen, you bastard! Can you hear me?’